Best Lunch EVERRRRR (not really)

the following is an email i sent to people. it explains mostly everything that happened friday.

i am so tired of having to explain what happened to everyone individually so im just going to send a mass email explaining it all. while i am flattered that so many people were interested in where i was at lunch today or why i was sitting at a different table, its kind of a long story and its frustrating to have to recap it over and over and over and over again. so. here it is............................................(prepare to laugh)
so during third period band (right before lunch) ashley and i are talking and she says that brandi is going to ask zack out. yeah, thats right. BRANDI KINDRED is going to ask ZACK BADZIK out. seeing as how i happen to know both of these people better than most of the people at school (well.........i guess just brandi cause she for some reason tells everyone everything though nobody really cares) im like HOLY SHIRT I HAVE TO SEE THIS!!!! knowing that brandi (boy repellant) is going to ask zack (girl repellant) out is just about the best thing ever to watch other than the season premier of the office which i MISSED thursday night cause i was out on the town lololololol ANYWAY. so i get my food and go sit with caitlin and viviana and allison and ashley and alex and maddy and jessica etc and this is after i completely forget about the whole situation at hand. even though i had made this huge deal out of it in band i was almost fell on my face i was laughing so hard at the utter humiliation both of them were going to experience (he would be humiliated from having someone like brandi ask him out-after freaking out about the thought of a girl liking him which as we all know is not humanly possible in this dimention-and she would be when he told her no-because obviously he wouldnt say yes) and believe it or not cause i never thought i would say this about heartdude but im like "damn hes wayyy to good for her!" which is basically saying that brandi is as low as you can get. and ashleys like "I AGREE!!!!!!!" so i sit down and ashley reminds me of brandis plans for zack (big house, white picket fence, three kids, pony in the back yard etc LOLOLOLOL) and caitlin and i freak out and go "WHERE IS HE?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!" and we look around for him all the while trying not to faint from laughing so hard and we spot him and then were like but where is brandi? and we look around for her and find her and shes sitting at the table behind him. and then ashley and i go through the hes too good for her thing again. so then he starts walking toward our table and dont realize this until i think it was caitlin mentioned this to me and shes like "go stop him go stop him!" he gets closer. "but i cant talk to guys i dont know without sounding like retard!!!" twenty feet away "NOOO!!! YOUR GOOD AT TALKING TO BOYS!! GO DO IT!!" ten feet away "NO caitlin you know him better you go do it! you are the one who knows what to say!" five feet "HES RIGHT THERE JUST DO IT!" i jump up from the table injuring my knee in the process and leap in front of him and hold out my hand and go "STOP!!!!!!!!!!! YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO YOUR SEAT RIGHT NOW!!! GO!! GO SIT DOWN!!!"
"uhhhhhh no"
"NO SERIOUSLY YOU NEED TO GO SIT BACK DOWN RIGHT NOW CAUSE SOMETHING Is GOIN TO HAPPEN!"
"no"
"WHY NOT?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?"
"i have to go to the restroom"
".........................................................................................................................oh..............................ok....................by all means.............................go................."
i slowly walk back to the table my eyes wide and laughter bubbling in my throat and the second my butt hit the bench i burst with laughter and they aske me what he said and i tell them and they laugh and then again because i wasnt paying attention they go there he is right behind you!" so i whip around to face him and then we all get into this conversation about how he already knows and that somebody told him but he wouldnt tell us who. then he walks away to go get a cookie or something. so catilins liek "we should go sit by him!" and im like "yeah!" and then we swtart going but she goes "wait how do we know shes going to do it today? how do we know shes going to do it at lunch?" so im like "hmmm that does present a problem" so i look over to brandi who looked like she was trying to figure out how to sit down on the bench but was having issues with it while simultaneously taling to people who hate her, hmmm, im thinking maybe its a little too much for her to achive all in one minute. i guess shes not good at multitasking. so i usher her to our table to ask her when shes doing it and she says "hopefully today" and i say when and she says "right now or as soon as possible im going to go sit by him right nowbla bla bal blab alb" so im like "CAITLIN COME ON LETS GO!!!" so we dash over to the opposite end of the commons to where she is now sitting across from him yapping her head off (well at least thats what it looked like she was doing) with this look on her face like "lalalalala every boy in the world is madly in love with me cause i am so pretty and perfect and smart and magical and totally hotter than the girls that guys drool over in magazines and so much hotter than the ret of the girls at our school and every boy wants to date meeeeeeeeee!!!!" even her mom agrees that that is what she thinks all the time. that every boy is in love with her i mean. so i sit on the right sid of him and caitlins sits on his left and we sit there looking at brandi with these smug looks on our faces (well thats what i was doing i couldnt really see caitlin all that well) and brandi is all pissed at us and is like "what are you guys doing here?"
"noooooooothin"and we sit there for the longest time until he gets up and then we get up and he goes to play ping pong so we follow him making sure brandi follow him but surely, she did.
"OH HIS DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE! a group of girls following him everywhere!" caitlin said and once again i almost fell over laughing.so she stands there lecturing us about random crap that i cant remember cause i didnt really care i was too busy laughing. so you guys get it right? basically what cailin and i were doing was stopping brandi from making another mistake and in a way humiliating and yet sparing humiliation for zack. so finally after i couldnt take her blalblbalba,labalbalbaling anymore i say "when are you going to ask him out?""I DONT KNOW! RIGHT NOW IF YOU GUYS LEAVE!"
so im thinking hmmmmm this could be really funny if we do leave and hear about it later BUT i would much rather get front row seats to the action BUT shes not gonna do it if we are here which is sort of what we want to happen is stop her from asking him out and watch her suffer through not being able to BUT in that moment i made a split second decision that was totally unpredictable judging by the way things were headed. i side step over to him and go "ZACK!!! will you go out with brandi?" silence from everyone in the audience. he shuttered, blinked a few times, shook his head and went "n-n-no. NO. nonnoonononononononono. NOOO"
i turn around to face the group and saw wide eyes among everyone. caitlin and i sart giggling and then some garbling from brandi about asking people out garblegarlbegarble and im like "SCREW IT! ITS DONE! YOU KNOW WHAT? IF YOU WANT TO ASK HIM OUIT YOURSELF GO AHEAD HES RIGHT THERE! BUT IF YOU DONT STOP WHINING I SWEAR I AM GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!" ok that last sentence i thought. i dint really say that. i may be stupid enough to spontaneously follow people around and ask them out for other people, but i know better than to threaten someone with something as lame as that. anyway so we do some more arguing and she does some more lecturing and then when the bell rings we follow him (caitlin and me) and then he tells us how thats the second time in his LIFE that he has said a single word to her i9n person. they email each other so thats how she knows him. so i follow him to his locker and go "ok im no expert but dont you think you should to a person more than twice in your life before you ask them out?"
and he said something like yeah or exactly but i cant quite remember.
anyway
hope that cleared things up for you all. and i hope you all laughed. so........TAADAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
the end