He took a lock of her dark hair and twirled it. Around and around his fingertip it went, like churning melted dark chocolate. He used to do that with my hair. He took her hand in his free hand, their fingertips intertwining, delicately woven and yet strong in that it seemed they would never part. I remember those same fingers tracing the line of my jaw as he pulled me in for our first kiss. Youth is so sweet and innocent when you’re in love. Across the open grass of the breezeway between the buildings of our high school campus, he ate up her eyes with his own, no doubt reciting the sincerity of his own feelings for her. When were alone or in public, it didn’t matter, he would always feel it necessary to inform me of how beautiful I looked every thirty seconds. He is probably the only boy who will ever say these things about me. It wouldn’t make a difference what I was wearing- T-shirt and jeans were usually the case- he’d tell me I was the best looking girl in the school. We slow danced in the commons of our old middle school after the 8th grade banquet, all dressed up, no music, all the lights on, teachers and parents tearing down all the decorations…we didn’t need music. We didn’t need a dark and crowded room full of sweaty jumping teenagers. We had each other.
"You’re perfect," he had said. "You look beautiful tonight. You always look beautiful."
His warm embrace was so safe, so comfortable, so familiar…. The longest relationship I had ever had. The girl who had asked him to the banquet- the girl he turned down because he wanted to go with me- leaned into that embrace, turning onto molasses in his arms.
My new boyfriend came up the hill from the bus-drop off and stood next to me.
"Hey," he said to me. That’s all he said. That’s all he ever says. Just "Hey."
Showing posts with label Depressing Matters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Depressing Matters. Show all posts
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFURY
hormones suck. i hate them. and i hate the people around you who make hormones suck so much. i hate everything about them. i hate the way they look. i hate the way they talk. i hate they way flirt with the person you have/had feelings for. i hate the way the tell you they dont want to fight anymore and then they do everything within their power to piss you off. i hate them. i hate how when they are around you, you have to hold in all your anger and fury and screaming and punching and swearing and eye tearing and limb breaking and attempted murder, and then it pushes its way out of you in the form of tears. and people ask you whats going on and you have to lie so they dont know what you really want to do. because what you really want to do is shoot everybody up so they're all dead and you dont have to deal with your stupid hormones anymore because you're the only person left. hormones suck.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Dennis the Menace
this is the FIRST CHAPTER of a story me and my friend Christine are writing together about this guy named dennis who gets a second chance. a second chance so many people wish they could get-to get the love of their life back. its going to be called "A Love Lost" and so far im the only one whose done any writing, but christine gets to write the second chapter. we'll figure something out as we go along....
Dennis sank into his easy chair while the fireplace cracked and sizzled before him. The flames danced across the logs, dazzling him and warming his body, but on the inside he was cold as ice. His forearm hung over the arm of the chair, another bottle of hard liquor dangling from his fingertips. His attempt to drink away the pain was failing; the sorrow still swelled in every part of his body. In his other hand Dennis pinched a black-and-white wallet photo of the two of them that they posed for in a booth at the arcade. His arm around her shoulders, his lips on her cheek, her sweet smile that showed off her perfect teeth…he knew he didn’t deserve her, and he was a fool for letting her slip through his fingers.
Why didn’t he listen to her? She told him she didn’t feel comfortable. She begged him to turn around and drive back, but instead he kept driving. The most dangerous road in the city to be driving along at night, and he kept going.
Dennis brought the bottle up to his mouth for another swig, and let what was left in the bottle trickle down upon his tongue and down his throat. He swallowed hard and dropped the empty bottle to the floor. Longing for her warm embrace, he ran his fingertips over the face of the picture, recalling the touch of her skin, her lips, her hair…
He blamed himself entirely. He tried to swerve but the pickup was going too fast around the corner to get out of the way in time. If only he had listened to her… All Dennis could think about was how it should have been him. He was the one who insisted on going. She was the one who wanted to go back.
Dennis closed his eyes but all he could see were the two headlights coming at them in the dark. He could still hear her faint gasp just before the pickup collided with her side of the car. Not even booze could wash away the guilt that swallowed him whole, or fill the emptiness inside him that continued to grow every day that she wasn’t there. God knows nothing could ever replace her, or the happiness she brought to his life. Dennis couldn’t begin to imagine how he would ever move on with his life without her, and the guilt of having killed her was unbearable.
But how could he go on? When he was with her he felt like the luckiest man in the world; low-maintenance, less-than-average-Joe’s like him never get high-maintenance, above-average girls like her. Something about her made him addicted to her presence. He was going to ask her to marry him on Christmas eave, even, if he hadn’t driven her to her death four days ago-for days wallowing and self-loathing and couldn’t take it anymore.
Dennis had drunk himself to a point where he could see only one way out. Nothing, it seemed, not drugs, not sex, not alcohol, could relieve his pain (though he had only tried the latter two-booze and hookers-an overdose was impossible since his best friend came over and confiscated all his medication). He lifted himself to his feet and stumbled across the room to the front door of his small home. His rental car sat in the driveway beckoning him. Still he stood there, trying to second-guess what he was doing, but too drunk and too confused and too full of rage to think clearly, let alone care. The thin midnight air made his breath visible-thick puffs of mist from his heavy breathing.
The late December snow began to fall again, continuing to build up on every surface. Dennis clumsily fell into the front seat of the car and made several lazy attempts to stick the key into the ignition. Finally he managed to start the car and turned the wipers on to get the snow of the windshield. He had parked the car facing the road for easy exiting. As soon as the windshield was cleared, he pulled out of the driveway and across the road, right onto the Rosenbombs’ front lawn. But he didn’t stop there.
The car plowed through gates and neighbors ran out of their houses screaming. Dennis made his way to about the fourth house, trying to stay in what his intoxicated brain believed was the same direction he had started out in. He knew where he was going and wanted to get there fast. With nothing to live for and no possible way of ever having to pay for anymore damage he made, he figured he might as well destroy a few more things. He was never a religious man, didn’t believe in heaven or hell, just knew that he deserved to die. Never read the Bible, but still believed in the whole "Life for a life" gig.
Dennis held on for the bumpy ride over Christmas decorations, doghouses and fences as people cursed at the snow-covered Toyota racing across their property. He rolled down his window and stuck his arm outside for everyone to see the obscene gesture his fingers formed. One man stood in the path of the speeding car, hoping maybe it would stop the lunatic behind the wheel, but Dennis just stepped harder on the gas. Realizing Dennis had no intention of stopping, the man jumped out of the way just in time to escape an impact with the bumper.
Up ahead, Dennis could barely make out where the land ended, but it quickly emerged as the car carried him closer and closer tot he edge of the cliff. After all Dennis had just done, he felt a random religious inclination and prayed to God that this would kill him.
As the car toppled over the edge of the cliff and began the five-hundred-and-sixty-six-foot drop down into Balaban Bay, Dennis wished he could somehow go back in time to four nights ago, and do the right thing; keep her alive. Tears started to poor down his cheeks as he approached what he knew was the end. At least he got to spend Christmas eave with his angry neighbors, instead of his girlfriend.
The engagement ring he had planned to give her this very night sat in his shirt pocket. He covered his heart with his hand, the rigid edge of the diamond pressing into his palm through the fabric.
"Stacy…" he whispered.
Dennis sank into his easy chair while the fireplace cracked and sizzled before him. The flames danced across the logs, dazzling him and warming his body, but on the inside he was cold as ice. His forearm hung over the arm of the chair, another bottle of hard liquor dangling from his fingertips. His attempt to drink away the pain was failing; the sorrow still swelled in every part of his body. In his other hand Dennis pinched a black-and-white wallet photo of the two of them that they posed for in a booth at the arcade. His arm around her shoulders, his lips on her cheek, her sweet smile that showed off her perfect teeth…he knew he didn’t deserve her, and he was a fool for letting her slip through his fingers.
Why didn’t he listen to her? She told him she didn’t feel comfortable. She begged him to turn around and drive back, but instead he kept driving. The most dangerous road in the city to be driving along at night, and he kept going.
Dennis brought the bottle up to his mouth for another swig, and let what was left in the bottle trickle down upon his tongue and down his throat. He swallowed hard and dropped the empty bottle to the floor. Longing for her warm embrace, he ran his fingertips over the face of the picture, recalling the touch of her skin, her lips, her hair…
He blamed himself entirely. He tried to swerve but the pickup was going too fast around the corner to get out of the way in time. If only he had listened to her… All Dennis could think about was how it should have been him. He was the one who insisted on going. She was the one who wanted to go back.
Dennis closed his eyes but all he could see were the two headlights coming at them in the dark. He could still hear her faint gasp just before the pickup collided with her side of the car. Not even booze could wash away the guilt that swallowed him whole, or fill the emptiness inside him that continued to grow every day that she wasn’t there. God knows nothing could ever replace her, or the happiness she brought to his life. Dennis couldn’t begin to imagine how he would ever move on with his life without her, and the guilt of having killed her was unbearable.
But how could he go on? When he was with her he felt like the luckiest man in the world; low-maintenance, less-than-average-Joe’s like him never get high-maintenance, above-average girls like her. Something about her made him addicted to her presence. He was going to ask her to marry him on Christmas eave, even, if he hadn’t driven her to her death four days ago-for days wallowing and self-loathing and couldn’t take it anymore.
Dennis had drunk himself to a point where he could see only one way out. Nothing, it seemed, not drugs, not sex, not alcohol, could relieve his pain (though he had only tried the latter two-booze and hookers-an overdose was impossible since his best friend came over and confiscated all his medication). He lifted himself to his feet and stumbled across the room to the front door of his small home. His rental car sat in the driveway beckoning him. Still he stood there, trying to second-guess what he was doing, but too drunk and too confused and too full of rage to think clearly, let alone care. The thin midnight air made his breath visible-thick puffs of mist from his heavy breathing.
The late December snow began to fall again, continuing to build up on every surface. Dennis clumsily fell into the front seat of the car and made several lazy attempts to stick the key into the ignition. Finally he managed to start the car and turned the wipers on to get the snow of the windshield. He had parked the car facing the road for easy exiting. As soon as the windshield was cleared, he pulled out of the driveway and across the road, right onto the Rosenbombs’ front lawn. But he didn’t stop there.
The car plowed through gates and neighbors ran out of their houses screaming. Dennis made his way to about the fourth house, trying to stay in what his intoxicated brain believed was the same direction he had started out in. He knew where he was going and wanted to get there fast. With nothing to live for and no possible way of ever having to pay for anymore damage he made, he figured he might as well destroy a few more things. He was never a religious man, didn’t believe in heaven or hell, just knew that he deserved to die. Never read the Bible, but still believed in the whole "Life for a life" gig.
Dennis held on for the bumpy ride over Christmas decorations, doghouses and fences as people cursed at the snow-covered Toyota racing across their property. He rolled down his window and stuck his arm outside for everyone to see the obscene gesture his fingers formed. One man stood in the path of the speeding car, hoping maybe it would stop the lunatic behind the wheel, but Dennis just stepped harder on the gas. Realizing Dennis had no intention of stopping, the man jumped out of the way just in time to escape an impact with the bumper.
Up ahead, Dennis could barely make out where the land ended, but it quickly emerged as the car carried him closer and closer tot he edge of the cliff. After all Dennis had just done, he felt a random religious inclination and prayed to God that this would kill him.
As the car toppled over the edge of the cliff and began the five-hundred-and-sixty-six-foot drop down into Balaban Bay, Dennis wished he could somehow go back in time to four nights ago, and do the right thing; keep her alive. Tears started to poor down his cheeks as he approached what he knew was the end. At least he got to spend Christmas eave with his angry neighbors, instead of his girlfriend.
The engagement ring he had planned to give her this very night sat in his shirt pocket. He covered his heart with his hand, the rigid edge of the diamond pressing into his palm through the fabric.
"Stacy…" he whispered.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
rope swing
this is a short story i wrote for language arts back in march. the assignment was to practice setting detail by describing a special place.
We got the news shortly after my tenth birthday. They were cutting down our woods to put tiny houses in.
"It’s a bummer, I know," my dad said trying to comfort me.
"They’re crazy!" I shrieked. "Those woods are part of your childhood memories! And mine! They can’t do this!"
"But they can," my dad said brokenhearted.
"That’s stupid!" I screamed.
"I know," he said flatly.
"That’s just so," I searched for the right word. "STUPID!"
"I know," he said again.
"I HATE this!" I cried.
"I do, too." My dad looked out the living room window at the dark woods and gave a heavy sigh.
I brushed a lock of hair out of my eyes and stomped off towards the front door.
"Where are you going?" my dad asked softly.
"Outside."
"Don’t you want a coat?" he asked.
"My sweatshirt’s fine."
The growing chill of November stabbed at my face as the wind licked my skin. I entered the woods like I was entering a cave. I followed the muddy trail down to the crater, still filled with leaves, all of them rotten and brown. My shoes were completely drenched in mud, but that didn’t matter.
The green, moss-stained rope hung there like the pendulum of a grandfather clock. I grasped the rope with one hand, pulled it in and latched on with the other. I hopped off the edge of the ditch and glided away, a soft breeze brushing my cheeks and blowing lightly through my hair.
I can’t forget this, I thought to myself.
The pendulum slowed ever so smoothly to a stop and I hung there, suspended in time, a lonely child with just a swing. A swing and a tree, soon to be taken away forever. I looked up through the many branches of the maple tree at the gray sky, getting only grayer with every second. Just one leaf remained on the tree, and it seemed as though nothing could shake it off. A tacit deadness fell over the woods. A single leaf floated down, weaving through the branches and sweeping the breeze as it fell. The collection of maple leaves in the crater was now complete. A crow wretched somewhere in the distance of the forest.
I clutched the rope with faint heartache. The English Ivy vines cascaded down to the forest floor like green waterfalls, each drowning in memories of hot summers, of superman, of muddy failures, of rainy days, of young brothers searching for a game to play. The leaves of the ivy pattered with the sudden raindrops. The rain chimed away, bringing music to the patch of woods. This place was mine, this place was ours, they couldn’t possibly take it all away from me; from us.
They took it anyway.
The thick green, mossy rope swayed in the gentle breeze, yet seemed motionless. The gray branches of the old maple tree shook with the coming of winter, but hung lifeless in the frigid, dead air. I examined the branch closely, praying it would not snap on me. My old ripped up tennis shoes sank into the mud as I stood before the ditch. It was filled to the brim with dead maple leaves, all brown and yellow from age now. I could feel the moisture seeping into the toes of my shoes and fidgeted uncomfortably. A small crater about ten feet in diameter and five feet deep at the center lay before me. I reached out with both hands and seized the rotting wood suspended by an equally rotting rope. I reached up high on the rope and jumped onto the small horizontal piece of old branch. I swung on the pendulum, gliding through the air, smoothly. The thick maple branch held, thankfully. I didn’t mind falling off, but if the whole production came down I’d probably come out with some broken bones, that is, if I even came out at all.
This was how I spent my time; swinging hopelessly on a rope swing that my dad and his brothers used to play on when they were little. Being an only child, the woods were where I spent most of my time-especially on the rope swing. But I hadn’t been on it since summer, and who knows what the weather had done to it in my absence. As little as I was something as simple as this was quite entertaining. At the age of six, almost everything is entertaining.
As the rope twirled slowly around I took in my surroundings. The other trees and the vines of English ivy that crept up the trunk of every tree and hung down to the ground, intertwining itself. The gray, luminous clouds above poked their visibility through the cedars and the Douglas firs. Crows cawed at each other in the distance. This place was beautiful. I had to share it with someone.
Nick wasn’t thrilled about the swing, but then again, he never really was. He was more interested in playing superman.
"You are not Superman!" I shouted at him.
"YES I AM!" he screamed. He was a year younger than me, and had way too much rage for a seven-year-old.
"Then prove it," I hissed.
"FINE," he threatened. He scrambled through the dirt to the base of the tree trunk. He put one foot on the bark and grabbed the huge trunk with both arms, lifted the other leg and put that foot on the bark, but both feet slid right down. The bark scraped against his bare shins. He let go of the trunk and fell down pitifully.
"Let me show you how it’s done," I boasted, not really sure what in the world I was doing. I made use of the thick, huge ivy that grew up the tree. It was strong and made good footholds. I edged out onto the branch that the swing hung from and told him to hurry up. He hurried.
"Now," he instructed, "watch me fly."
He stepped out onto the branch that I sat on and looked down at the ditch below us. I saw a look in Nick’s eyes that I had not seen before. He was scared spitless. I let out a repressed giggle and he scowled at me. "Fly already!" I shouted.
Nick swallowed hard and leapt off the branch, grabbing onto some vines of ivy on the way down to slow his fall. He landed with a thud that was hard to miss. I soon followed, but got up faster than he did. He rolled in the dirt wining like a puppy.
"I told you," I laughed. "You’re not Superman!"
Nick wasn’t the only one who I brought to the maple tree. I brought many people, but my favorite was when Jennifer first tried swinging on it.
Jennifer kicked herself away from the trunk of the maple tree with such force that it sent her back into a wall of ivy vines. One wrapped around the base of the rope and pulled the whole wall with it as she swung back towards the tree trunk. Jennifer busied herself with untangling the vine and managed to keep herself from slamming into the tree at full force as well. She mumbled furiously as the vines tangled about her legs.
"Could you help a little?" she wined.
I stepped into the ditch and pulled down on the clump of ivy, a few vines ripping against her ankles.
"This thing is petty cool," Jennifer hummed.
"Yeah…" I sat down on a huge branch that came out of the bottom of a cedar. It was sturdy and had a width that was about the size of your head.
Jennifer had just moved to Bainbridge from Illinois, and she was about a year older than I was. I was 9 years old then, and that old rope swing was still precious to me. Nothing Jennifer said about it was news to me.
"Have you ever stood up on it?" she asked, grabbing onto a few nearby vines of ivy.
"Actually…" I couldn’t believe it! All these years and I still hadn’t tried that!
Jennifer let go of the ivy and grasped up high on the rope, hoisting herself up. She put one foot on one side of the old branch and one on the other. Then she realized she had nothing to push off of or else she might fall. So she put great effort into pumping her legs while keeping her feet on the wood.
"Okay, okay!" I shouted. "Get off! It’s my swing!"
Jennifer swung sideways to the side of the ditch that the trail led from. She hopped off and handed me the swing. I didn’t wait to sit down; I hopped right on the wood and my muddy shoes slipped right out from under me. I slid down the side of the crater laughing. Jennifer laughed, too. I attempted to wipe the mud off of my clothes with leaves, but just ended up smearing it into the fabric.
"Hey," Jennifer said softly. "It’s raining…"
I climbed out of the ditch to stand beside her and tiny sprinkles of moister tickled my frozen skin.
"We could climb up into the tree and stay dry," I suggested. "Or we could go back into the house."
"Lets go sit in the tree!" Jennifer said, grabbing my arm and pulling me down into the crater and to the base of the tree trunk. We climbed up the trunk using the huge ivy growing on the tree as steps. I leaned back against a branch that pointed unusually straight up. It was September so the leaves were just beginning to fall. The tree was sheltered by Douglas firs and cedars so it didn’t matter if it had leaves on it or not, we could still stay dry. We sat there for maybe an hour making up all sorts of weird games to pass the time until my dad came and hauled us off back to the house.
This was how I spent my time; swinging hopelessly on a rope swing that my dad and his brothers used to play on when they were little. Being an only child, the woods were where I spent most of my time-especially on the rope swing. But I hadn’t been on it since summer, and who knows what the weather had done to it in my absence. As little as I was something as simple as this was quite entertaining. At the age of six, almost everything is entertaining.
As the rope twirled slowly around I took in my surroundings. The other trees and the vines of English ivy that crept up the trunk of every tree and hung down to the ground, intertwining itself. The gray, luminous clouds above poked their visibility through the cedars and the Douglas firs. Crows cawed at each other in the distance. This place was beautiful. I had to share it with someone.
Nick wasn’t thrilled about the swing, but then again, he never really was. He was more interested in playing superman.
"You are not Superman!" I shouted at him.
"YES I AM!" he screamed. He was a year younger than me, and had way too much rage for a seven-year-old.
"Then prove it," I hissed.
"FINE," he threatened. He scrambled through the dirt to the base of the tree trunk. He put one foot on the bark and grabbed the huge trunk with both arms, lifted the other leg and put that foot on the bark, but both feet slid right down. The bark scraped against his bare shins. He let go of the trunk and fell down pitifully.
"Let me show you how it’s done," I boasted, not really sure what in the world I was doing. I made use of the thick, huge ivy that grew up the tree. It was strong and made good footholds. I edged out onto the branch that the swing hung from and told him to hurry up. He hurried.
"Now," he instructed, "watch me fly."
He stepped out onto the branch that I sat on and looked down at the ditch below us. I saw a look in Nick’s eyes that I had not seen before. He was scared spitless. I let out a repressed giggle and he scowled at me. "Fly already!" I shouted.
Nick swallowed hard and leapt off the branch, grabbing onto some vines of ivy on the way down to slow his fall. He landed with a thud that was hard to miss. I soon followed, but got up faster than he did. He rolled in the dirt wining like a puppy.
"I told you," I laughed. "You’re not Superman!"
Nick wasn’t the only one who I brought to the maple tree. I brought many people, but my favorite was when Jennifer first tried swinging on it.
Jennifer kicked herself away from the trunk of the maple tree with such force that it sent her back into a wall of ivy vines. One wrapped around the base of the rope and pulled the whole wall with it as she swung back towards the tree trunk. Jennifer busied herself with untangling the vine and managed to keep herself from slamming into the tree at full force as well. She mumbled furiously as the vines tangled about her legs.
"Could you help a little?" she wined.
I stepped into the ditch and pulled down on the clump of ivy, a few vines ripping against her ankles.
"This thing is petty cool," Jennifer hummed.
"Yeah…" I sat down on a huge branch that came out of the bottom of a cedar. It was sturdy and had a width that was about the size of your head.
Jennifer had just moved to Bainbridge from Illinois, and she was about a year older than I was. I was 9 years old then, and that old rope swing was still precious to me. Nothing Jennifer said about it was news to me.
"Have you ever stood up on it?" she asked, grabbing onto a few nearby vines of ivy.
"Actually…" I couldn’t believe it! All these years and I still hadn’t tried that!
Jennifer let go of the ivy and grasped up high on the rope, hoisting herself up. She put one foot on one side of the old branch and one on the other. Then she realized she had nothing to push off of or else she might fall. So she put great effort into pumping her legs while keeping her feet on the wood.
"Okay, okay!" I shouted. "Get off! It’s my swing!"
Jennifer swung sideways to the side of the ditch that the trail led from. She hopped off and handed me the swing. I didn’t wait to sit down; I hopped right on the wood and my muddy shoes slipped right out from under me. I slid down the side of the crater laughing. Jennifer laughed, too. I attempted to wipe the mud off of my clothes with leaves, but just ended up smearing it into the fabric.
"Hey," Jennifer said softly. "It’s raining…"
I climbed out of the ditch to stand beside her and tiny sprinkles of moister tickled my frozen skin.
"We could climb up into the tree and stay dry," I suggested. "Or we could go back into the house."
"Lets go sit in the tree!" Jennifer said, grabbing my arm and pulling me down into the crater and to the base of the tree trunk. We climbed up the trunk using the huge ivy growing on the tree as steps. I leaned back against a branch that pointed unusually straight up. It was September so the leaves were just beginning to fall. The tree was sheltered by Douglas firs and cedars so it didn’t matter if it had leaves on it or not, we could still stay dry. We sat there for maybe an hour making up all sorts of weird games to pass the time until my dad came and hauled us off back to the house.
We got the news shortly after my tenth birthday. They were cutting down our woods to put tiny houses in.
"It’s a bummer, I know," my dad said trying to comfort me.
"They’re crazy!" I shrieked. "Those woods are part of your childhood memories! And mine! They can’t do this!"
"But they can," my dad said brokenhearted.
"That’s stupid!" I screamed.
"I know," he said flatly.
"That’s just so," I searched for the right word. "STUPID!"
"I know," he said again.
"I HATE this!" I cried.
"I do, too." My dad looked out the living room window at the dark woods and gave a heavy sigh.
I brushed a lock of hair out of my eyes and stomped off towards the front door.
"Where are you going?" my dad asked softly.
"Outside."
"Don’t you want a coat?" he asked.
"My sweatshirt’s fine."
The growing chill of November stabbed at my face as the wind licked my skin. I entered the woods like I was entering a cave. I followed the muddy trail down to the crater, still filled with leaves, all of them rotten and brown. My shoes were completely drenched in mud, but that didn’t matter.
The green, moss-stained rope hung there like the pendulum of a grandfather clock. I grasped the rope with one hand, pulled it in and latched on with the other. I hopped off the edge of the ditch and glided away, a soft breeze brushing my cheeks and blowing lightly through my hair.
I can’t forget this, I thought to myself.
The pendulum slowed ever so smoothly to a stop and I hung there, suspended in time, a lonely child with just a swing. A swing and a tree, soon to be taken away forever. I looked up through the many branches of the maple tree at the gray sky, getting only grayer with every second. Just one leaf remained on the tree, and it seemed as though nothing could shake it off. A tacit deadness fell over the woods. A single leaf floated down, weaving through the branches and sweeping the breeze as it fell. The collection of maple leaves in the crater was now complete. A crow wretched somewhere in the distance of the forest.
I clutched the rope with faint heartache. The English Ivy vines cascaded down to the forest floor like green waterfalls, each drowning in memories of hot summers, of superman, of muddy failures, of rainy days, of young brothers searching for a game to play. The leaves of the ivy pattered with the sudden raindrops. The rain chimed away, bringing music to the patch of woods. This place was mine, this place was ours, they couldn’t possibly take it all away from me; from us.
They took it anyway.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
my run in with death
so everything pretty much went downhill from there. my great aunt died, and the next weekend her husband died. weird huh? the weekend after the weekend that depression hit was the scariest night of my life. here is an email i wrote to everybody after it happened:
ok so tonight was basically the scariest night of my life. i almost DIED you guys. seriously. read the chat-it explains it all. OH OH OH BUUUUUUUUUUUT i must warn you theres some pretty harsh language-mind you, im fearing for my life this whole time, so if you are sensitive to the f, s, or a word, then you probably might get your eyes burnt out. although i probably used the words a lot less than i would have it i was actually talking.......you guys its been like an hour and im still shaking really bad. at least im not crying anymore. thats good. my daring run in with death is at the bottom. graham kinda disappeared while i was outside for the second time.
me: the second i get my hands on some AA batteries im sticking them in my camera and taking pictures the stain SO I CAN SHOW EVERYBODY and they can all start crying stuff EEEEEEKKK IM SCARED IM SCARED IM SCARED SCARY NOISES SCARY NOISES OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM WINDOW NOW AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!! CALL 911!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:36 PM DO SOMETHING DO SOMETHING IM WIGGING OUT OVER HERE!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH THE OBESE PURPLE CAMBODIAN BUNNIES ARE AFTER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:37 PM Graham: Wtf
LOL
me: lolololol not really haha inside joke BUT SERIOUSLY WHERE THE F DID YOU GO THERES SCARY NOISES OUTSIDE OF THE BATHROOM WINDOW FROM WHICH A BLOODSTAIN FLOWS AND IM GONNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe
oh
hi,
8:38 PM i need a flare gun
so i can fire it and then it will hit an airplane the airplane will fall from the sky and land on whatever the hell is making the SCARY NOISE OUTSIDE MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!
21 minutes
9:00 PM Graham: SO how's it going over there?
me: i think i killed it
with my tenis racjet
*racket
Graham: Ooh
Was it bloody?
9:01 PM me: mother fucker its cold outside
idk
bit ok
so ehres what happened
se
e
i am freaking out
and halle is yelling at me to take action
so iu get my tenis racjet
fuck
not again
RACKET
there
and i go outside
Graham: right
me: and its freezing cold
9:02 PM and im in nothing but a tank top and boxers here miond you so im freezing my ass off
and i tiptoe through the cold wet grass covered with mud and leaves
and i walk around to the back of the rhouse
and then i walk up the steps of the deck
9:03 PM that are covered in sticker bushes and sting nedals
and the deck is also falling apart
Graham: Ow
me: so i got a whole bunch of welts and cuts all over not to mention splinters
and i walk all the way
along the side of the house
towards my tiny bathroom window
9:04 PM and i can still hear that godaweful noise
coming from just below it
Graham: Wait, why are you doing all this? ARe you following it?
me: following it?
no
it never moved
Graham: Ah
9:05 PM Finding it
me: remember i was inside my bathroom and heard the scary noises coming from outside the window
anyway
Graham: Ah ok!
me: so i have my tenis racket in my hands
out in front of me
and im home alone too
just to let you know
Graham: Mm
Not good
me: so its not liek i could have my dad do all this for me or anything
so anyway
9:06 PM my bathroom window is just beyond where the railing stops
on our deck
so i can still hear it
wheezing
and screeching
and pounding itself
against the side of the house
and i lean over the rainling and
now i dont know if you want to hear this next part its kind if nasty
9:07 PM Graham: Sure, go ahead
me: well
its also embarrassing
but whatever
so i pee my pants
just a little
im so dehydrated
lol
anyway
so its so dark out
that i cant se anything
but thi9s BIG SHADOW
moving away
9:08 PM to the ight
like
away from the house
along the raling of the deck
Graham: :-o
me: and i lean over
and see the sticker bushes moving and reach down
and with all my might i start bashing the hell out of whatever it is with my tenis racket
and im crying my eyes out
cause im so scared
Graham: Mmm
9:09 PM me: and im screaming
for my life
and then all of a sudden im hitting air because theres
nothing there
anymore
so i dont know
if it fell on its side because i killed whatever it was
but i think it probably go away
either way
9:10 PM the second i got inside
i changed my undies and put some pj bottoms on
and im still shaking like crazy
my right leg
is involuntarily shaking
Graham: How long have you been inside?
9:11 PM me: liek i cant make it stop
for about
ummm
a little over ten minutes
im afraid to go back outside
9:12 PM for the rest of my life
the blood is still on the wall
though i have no idea how it got there
oh
and did i mention
the hair
on my tenis racket?
9:13 PM gray
and brown
hairs
long
hairs
about the length of the distance from your thumb toyour pinky
finger
i am so nervous
and alone
9:14 PM scared
frightened
alone
theres some animal
outside
idk if its dead or alive either way i know something is GOINT JUGOJRIEOPY
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
SO SCARy
NOISE
BACK AGAIN
BANGING
OUTSIDE
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH GRAHAM GRAHAM GRAHAM
HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Graham: Mm?
That'd be hard
9:15 PM Find it, and hit it over and over again
me: heheh
Graham: How's that?
me: OK OK UM WHAT IF I GETS ME
Graham: Or maybe try ti seduce it
*to
me: seduce it?
Graham: Yes
Sexually
me: how
?
i dont know its mating call!
Graham: Eh
Try something
me: what if its BIGFOOT
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK
BIGFOOT IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!!!11
9:16 PM yeep
Graham: I'm just saying, what if he's horny?
me: more screeching
Graham: It's a shot
Jk
me: hahahaha
i mlaughing now
but
Graham: Don't do that, you'd probably die
Haha
me: laughing myself to tears
wait
AAAAAH NOW IM CRYING AGAIN
9:17 PM Graham: Sorry
me: AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK AAAAAAAAH ITS GONNA SMASH RIGHT THROUGH THE WALL
I SWEAR IT
its wheezing and screeching
it wont stop
and it wont stop pounding either
WHAT DOES IT WANT FROM ME!!!!!!!
9:18 PM IT MUST KNOW IM ALL Out OF CONDOMS
GOD
ok
Graham: I'm thinking sex, but maybe that...
Of
Oh
That's just me
Sorry
Don't give in!
Stand up1
!
me: lol
stand up?
its RIGHT OUTSIDE THE COMPUTER ROOM
NOW
9:19 PM AND THE COMPUITER ROOM WINDOW IS SO BIG WE HAVE A BEDSHEET FOR A CURTAIN
Graham: Easy to break?
9:20 PM me: ummmmmmmyeah
probably
but
its too high
up
i think
because
its liek eight feet
off the ground
Graham: Well if it's Bigfoot...
me: and the pounding
9:21 PM is down lower
like a foot below the window
i know i klnow
what should i do graham what do i do
!!!!!!!!!!!1
AAAAAAAAAAAAH
Graham: Go get some icecream
And eat it
9:22 PM Or throw it at it if you must
me: ITS SCREECHING AND WHEEZING IS GETTING FUCKING LOUDER NOW
Graham: ^
me: yeah
i dont have any
icecream
i wish i did
right now
9:23 PM ok
im going back
outside
im probably going to die
Graham: Good luck, see you later(hopefully)!
9:25 PM me: ok
i got my coat
and my dads ski boots
9:26 PM and now
oh shit
i have nothing to defend my self
AAAAAAH
i could use the computer
it was a worthless piece of shit anyway
Graham: hmm
me: ok
9:27 PM i have mine and my dads tenis rackets nopw
*now
and im shaking like hell
i have to pee
really bad now
AAAAAAAH
ITS GETTING LOUDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9:29 PM ok
here i go.............
but when i came in he like wasnt there anymore and stuff. which sucked. anyway so heres what happened:
i stepped out the door, walked down the tiny muddy grassy path around the side of my house, but before i rounded the corner to see what was pounding/screeching/wheezing, i heard cayotes yelping in the distance, and remembered the pack of cayotes that live in our woods. and you guys know how cayotes are my # 1 BIGGEST FEAR (next to earwigs)???? so try to imagine how im holding up through all of this:
i am standing back against my house in my dads ski boots and my huge snow coat holding a tenis racket in each hand, no light whatsoever (the moon was hidden behind the trees) except for the tiny gleam from behind the blinds of our windows which is basically nothing. no cars in the driveway. nobody around but me. and around the corner like twenty feet away is this.......god i dont know what it is at the time screeching and wheezing and pounding itself against the side of my house, and now my biggest fear is off in the distance making the second scariest noise in the world (the screeching and wheezing is by far the first)????? IM PRACTICALLY DYING!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have never wanted to scream more in my whole LIFE. and as i slowly stuck my head around the corner of my house thats exactly what i did. i screamed for my god forsaken life. louder than you could ever imagine. louder and with more passon and fear, i swear to you, than you have ever heard anyone scream in your whole life. i didnt open my eyes to see it. i didnt want to see it. but i as the pounding stopped i knew i had to. all noises stopped after i quit screaming. i opened my eyes. i could see, once again, only a big dark shadow moving in the very near distance, although i couldnt tell if it was moving towards me or away from me. it looked like it was getting bigger so i guessed it was coming at me and i whip around and run for my life up the hill (even though im like ten feet from the door to my house) and i start running around liek a lunatic freakinjg out and screaming my ass off and panting and slashing at the air around me with the tenis rackets and all of a sudden, as i am running down the side of the hill towards my front door, there it is, twenty feet away from the door. i zoom so fast to the door its not even funny. i still couldnt see what it was but i think it was a bear or something. idk it probably wasnt that big. about the size of like maybe a little bit smaller than a dear but like twice as fat and hairy and screams and wheezes likes throwing itself agains houses. i dont know. anyway. i get to my door and try to turn the knob but the mother loving door is freaking LOCKED. thats right ladies and gentlemen. i locked myself out of my own house. BUT i remembered the spare key-unfortunately that THING was getting closer i threw my dads tenis racket at it and that held off for like ten seconds while i dove for the fake bunny rabbit amid the weeds growing against the side of our house. it got closer. and then out of the corner of my eye i see it. not the thing, that i knew was already there. no i see the cayote. its farther away than the thing trying to kill me, but it was there. just standing there. the thing stopped moving. i fiddled with the face rabbit and got the key out from under it and then threw the rabbit at the thing standing about five feet tall. i still didnt look at it. so to the left of me is the cayote standing there watching me do all this-NOT TRYING TO ATTACK ME WHICH IS WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO DO RIGHT? and to the right of me is this big fat black thing standing in the muddy walkway from the driveway to the door. i still never even glanced in its direction, but i knew it was there. i could hear it breathing. heavily. i was breathing pretty damn heavily myself. but still, i was the only one out of the three of us who moved a muscle. and finally the cayote charged down the hill toward the door, ran past the door in the direction of the thing and thats when i gave it all one last glance but the thing was gone and the cayote was rounding the corner of my house following the path i had taken and thats when i slammed the door shut behind me, fell back against the door and slid down. i had already started crying when i was slashing at the air with my tenis racket on the hill. so now i was just hysteric. tears gushing down both sides of my face, my cheeks wet and burning, my eyes stinging from al lthe crying, and im still trying to catch my breath again after screaming and running for my life. i know i sound like im crazy or just needing to tell a story or something but im NOT. this is true. so i try to stand up but my legs are really shaky and wobbly and i put both my arms out to steady myself, the hallway walls are close enough to gether that i could put a hand on both sides. i make it into the kitchen and take about ten minutes to put together a cup of "yogi" green tea. this would normally take less than five but you must remember that im crying my eyes out and my hands are shaking so bad that i can barely control them. i sit myselft down on the chaise lounge in the livingroom and about five minutes later i go back into the computer room. the computer room is quite close to the door like maybe three feet away. the phone rang and it was a telemarketer and i picked up and thankfully this guy had an american accent so i explained my position to him-i told him EVERYTHING that had happened. and he stayed on the line and listened to me! i asked him what to do and he told me that i need to keep in constant contact with someone at all times,so i should call someone, IM someone, invite someone over, go over somebody elses house, do something to make sure that at least somebody knows where i am if as he put it "the worst should happen". i thanked him and said goodbye. graham was online but he wasnt really THERE. and then he went offline. so i had no contacts whatsoever. all of a sudden theres a knocking the door. this shook me so bad that my hand hit the cub of tea and and fell halfway over before i thankfully caught it. i only lost about half my cup of tea-well what was left of it after i had violently sipped away. i was so scared. another knock and i heaved myself out of the leather computer chair and edged my way toward the door. "who is it!" i hollered
"its Kathy Jones! from next door!" what the hell would anyone, let alone my neighbor, be doing at my door at ten o click at night? i opened the door and she looked at me like i was death itself. i dont blame her, i mean, i must have looked like a zombie, scared out of my wits, my eyes red with tears.
"Um, hi. cna i help you?" she probably wanted to complain about the noise. kathy was this chick who looked like she was probably in her fourties or something, about my moms age. short brown hair, VERY skinny. like blade thin. even in her thick whool coat she looked skinny as hell.
"yes, uh, i wanted to know if you had seen my dog, ollie" or something liek that i think thats what she said his name was. "i thoght i heard him. his bark is very um unique?" oh. my. god. i almost fell into her arms right there and cried my eyes out. but i didnt. i just sort of stared at her. "and i also heard a lot of screaming. and i thought it came from this house, i wasnt quite sure. i was just checking. because well your lights are on and um...listen. are you ok?"
this was so sweet of her. this really pretty lady that i had never met before was standing on my doorstep asking me if i was ok! i could have started laughing but i didnt want to seem like a freak to her. she was after a stranger and neighbor and i didnt want to make a bad impression her. although i dont think the tears and the death-white face helped at all.
"uh, yeah. im fine. its just this sad movie i was watching." the tv was off in the living room. and she noticed. she looked at me questioningly.
"are you sure? because-"
"um actually no, see i am just having a really bad night because my great aunt ellen died on friday and we were really close...but anyway. i saw your dog i think. what does it look like?" the aunt thing was the truth. she did die on friday. friday NIGHT to be exact. but we werent really close. still, i was like the only person who ever understood her.
"he has brownish red fur, some gold, some grey, pretty big sized. hes a saitn bernard crossbread. maybe youve heard his bark?" did i ever. the bark that ranks the NUMBER ONE SCARIEST SOUND ON THE EARTH to be exact yes ive heard many times tonight infact.
"actualy, i think i did hear him. does his bark sound like wheezing?"
"YES! OH YES YOU DID HEAR HIM! we just moved in and hes not used to-oh my gosh there he is!" the dog gave wheezy screech as it stepped onto the front porch. the porchlight was on and i could see him very clearly. he wasnt at all the menising creature he seemed to be as i was whacking the shit out of him with my tenis racket! i felt really bad about that but decided not to tell her. he didnt seem injured in anyway. "im really sorry about this. he got away as we wer ebringing him in for the night. thank you so much and im so sorry about all of this. hope you feel better!" she pulled a leash out of her pocket and hooked it onto the dogs collar. the two of them dashed away and as i shut the door i laughed. very hard. because i was an idiot.
BUT HEY! the blood stain is still there you know, thats still a mystery i have yet to solve! haha no freaking WAY IN HELL am i going to sleep tonight love you all kiss kiss BUBYE!!!!!!!!
ok so tonight was basically the scariest night of my life. i almost DIED you guys. seriously. read the chat-it explains it all. OH OH OH BUUUUUUUUUUUT i must warn you theres some pretty harsh language-mind you, im fearing for my life this whole time, so if you are sensitive to the f, s, or a word, then you probably might get your eyes burnt out. although i probably used the words a lot less than i would have it i was actually talking.......you guys its been like an hour and im still shaking really bad. at least im not crying anymore. thats good. my daring run in with death is at the bottom. graham kinda disappeared while i was outside for the second time.
me: the second i get my hands on some AA batteries im sticking them in my camera and taking pictures the stain SO I CAN SHOW EVERYBODY and they can all start crying stuff EEEEEEKKK IM SCARED IM SCARED IM SCARED SCARY NOISES SCARY NOISES OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM WINDOW NOW AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!! CALL 911!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:36 PM DO SOMETHING DO SOMETHING IM WIGGING OUT OVER HERE!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH THE OBESE PURPLE CAMBODIAN BUNNIES ARE AFTER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:37 PM Graham: Wtf
LOL
me: lolololol not really haha inside joke BUT SERIOUSLY WHERE THE F DID YOU GO THERES SCARY NOISES OUTSIDE OF THE BATHROOM WINDOW FROM WHICH A BLOODSTAIN FLOWS AND IM GONNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe
oh
hi,
8:38 PM i need a flare gun
so i can fire it and then it will hit an airplane the airplane will fall from the sky and land on whatever the hell is making the SCARY NOISE OUTSIDE MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!
21 minutes
9:00 PM Graham: SO how's it going over there?
me: i think i killed it
with my tenis racjet
*racket
Graham: Ooh
Was it bloody?
9:01 PM me: mother fucker its cold outside
idk
bit ok
so ehres what happened
se
e
i am freaking out
and halle is yelling at me to take action
so iu get my tenis racjet
fuck
not again
RACKET
there
and i go outside
Graham: right
me: and its freezing cold
9:02 PM and im in nothing but a tank top and boxers here miond you so im freezing my ass off
and i tiptoe through the cold wet grass covered with mud and leaves
and i walk around to the back of the rhouse
and then i walk up the steps of the deck
9:03 PM that are covered in sticker bushes and sting nedals
and the deck is also falling apart
Graham: Ow
me: so i got a whole bunch of welts and cuts all over not to mention splinters
and i walk all the way
along the side of the house
towards my tiny bathroom window
9:04 PM and i can still hear that godaweful noise
coming from just below it
Graham: Wait, why are you doing all this? ARe you following it?
me: following it?
no
it never moved
Graham: Ah
9:05 PM Finding it
me: remember i was inside my bathroom and heard the scary noises coming from outside the window
anyway
Graham: Ah ok!
me: so i have my tenis racket in my hands
out in front of me
and im home alone too
just to let you know
Graham: Mm
Not good
me: so its not liek i could have my dad do all this for me or anything
so anyway
9:06 PM my bathroom window is just beyond where the railing stops
on our deck
so i can still hear it
wheezing
and screeching
and pounding itself
against the side of the house
and i lean over the rainling and
now i dont know if you want to hear this next part its kind if nasty
9:07 PM Graham: Sure, go ahead
me: well
its also embarrassing
but whatever
so i pee my pants
just a little
im so dehydrated
lol
anyway
so its so dark out
that i cant se anything
but thi9s BIG SHADOW
moving away
9:08 PM to the ight
like
away from the house
along the raling of the deck
Graham: :-o
me: and i lean over
and see the sticker bushes moving and reach down
and with all my might i start bashing the hell out of whatever it is with my tenis racket
and im crying my eyes out
cause im so scared
Graham: Mmm
9:09 PM me: and im screaming
for my life
and then all of a sudden im hitting air because theres
nothing there
anymore
so i dont know
if it fell on its side because i killed whatever it was
but i think it probably go away
either way
9:10 PM the second i got inside
i changed my undies and put some pj bottoms on
and im still shaking like crazy
my right leg
is involuntarily shaking
Graham: How long have you been inside?
9:11 PM me: liek i cant make it stop
for about
ummm
a little over ten minutes
im afraid to go back outside
9:12 PM for the rest of my life
the blood is still on the wall
though i have no idea how it got there
oh
and did i mention
the hair
on my tenis racket?
9:13 PM gray
and brown
hairs
long
hairs
about the length of the distance from your thumb toyour pinky
finger
i am so nervous
and alone
9:14 PM scared
frightened
alone
theres some animal
outside
idk if its dead or alive either way i know something is GOINT JUGOJRIEOPY
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
SO SCARy
NOISE
BACK AGAIN
BANGING
OUTSIDE
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH GRAHAM GRAHAM GRAHAM
HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Graham: Mm?
That'd be hard
9:15 PM Find it, and hit it over and over again
me: heheh
Graham: How's that?
me: OK OK UM WHAT IF I GETS ME
Graham: Or maybe try ti seduce it
*to
me: seduce it?
Graham: Yes
Sexually
me: how
?
i dont know its mating call!
Graham: Eh
Try something
me: what if its BIGFOOT
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK
BIGFOOT IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!!!11
9:16 PM yeep
Graham: I'm just saying, what if he's horny?
me: more screeching
Graham: It's a shot
Jk
me: hahahaha
i mlaughing now
but
Graham: Don't do that, you'd probably die
Haha
me: laughing myself to tears
wait
AAAAAH NOW IM CRYING AGAIN
9:17 PM Graham: Sorry
me: AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK AAAAAAAAH ITS GONNA SMASH RIGHT THROUGH THE WALL
I SWEAR IT
its wheezing and screeching
it wont stop
and it wont stop pounding either
WHAT DOES IT WANT FROM ME!!!!!!!
9:18 PM IT MUST KNOW IM ALL Out OF CONDOMS
GOD
ok
Graham: I'm thinking sex, but maybe that...
Of
Oh
That's just me
Sorry
Don't give in!
Stand up1
!
me: lol
stand up?
its RIGHT OUTSIDE THE COMPUTER ROOM
NOW
9:19 PM AND THE COMPUITER ROOM WINDOW IS SO BIG WE HAVE A BEDSHEET FOR A CURTAIN
Graham: Easy to break?
9:20 PM me: ummmmmmmyeah
probably
but
its too high
up
i think
because
its liek eight feet
off the ground
Graham: Well if it's Bigfoot...
me: and the pounding
9:21 PM is down lower
like a foot below the window
i know i klnow
what should i do graham what do i do
!!!!!!!!!!!1
AAAAAAAAAAAAH
Graham: Go get some icecream
And eat it
9:22 PM Or throw it at it if you must
me: ITS SCREECHING AND WHEEZING IS GETTING FUCKING LOUDER NOW
Graham: ^
me: yeah
i dont have any
icecream
i wish i did
right now
9:23 PM ok
im going back
outside
im probably going to die
Graham: Good luck, see you later(hopefully)!
9:25 PM me: ok
i got my coat
and my dads ski boots
9:26 PM and now
oh shit
i have nothing to defend my self
AAAAAAH
i could use the computer
it was a worthless piece of shit anyway
Graham: hmm
me: ok
9:27 PM i have mine and my dads tenis rackets nopw
*now
and im shaking like hell
i have to pee
really bad now
AAAAAAAH
ITS GETTING LOUDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9:29 PM ok
here i go.............
but when i came in he like wasnt there anymore and stuff. which sucked. anyway so heres what happened:
i stepped out the door, walked down the tiny muddy grassy path around the side of my house, but before i rounded the corner to see what was pounding/screeching/wheezing, i heard cayotes yelping in the distance, and remembered the pack of cayotes that live in our woods. and you guys know how cayotes are my # 1 BIGGEST FEAR (next to earwigs)???? so try to imagine how im holding up through all of this:
i am standing back against my house in my dads ski boots and my huge snow coat holding a tenis racket in each hand, no light whatsoever (the moon was hidden behind the trees) except for the tiny gleam from behind the blinds of our windows which is basically nothing. no cars in the driveway. nobody around but me. and around the corner like twenty feet away is this.......god i dont know what it is at the time screeching and wheezing and pounding itself against the side of my house, and now my biggest fear is off in the distance making the second scariest noise in the world (the screeching and wheezing is by far the first)????? IM PRACTICALLY DYING!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have never wanted to scream more in my whole LIFE. and as i slowly stuck my head around the corner of my house thats exactly what i did. i screamed for my god forsaken life. louder than you could ever imagine. louder and with more passon and fear, i swear to you, than you have ever heard anyone scream in your whole life. i didnt open my eyes to see it. i didnt want to see it. but i as the pounding stopped i knew i had to. all noises stopped after i quit screaming. i opened my eyes. i could see, once again, only a big dark shadow moving in the very near distance, although i couldnt tell if it was moving towards me or away from me. it looked like it was getting bigger so i guessed it was coming at me and i whip around and run for my life up the hill (even though im like ten feet from the door to my house) and i start running around liek a lunatic freakinjg out and screaming my ass off and panting and slashing at the air around me with the tenis rackets and all of a sudden, as i am running down the side of the hill towards my front door, there it is, twenty feet away from the door. i zoom so fast to the door its not even funny. i still couldnt see what it was but i think it was a bear or something. idk it probably wasnt that big. about the size of like maybe a little bit smaller than a dear but like twice as fat and hairy and screams and wheezes likes throwing itself agains houses. i dont know. anyway. i get to my door and try to turn the knob but the mother loving door is freaking LOCKED. thats right ladies and gentlemen. i locked myself out of my own house. BUT i remembered the spare key-unfortunately that THING was getting closer i threw my dads tenis racket at it and that held off for like ten seconds while i dove for the fake bunny rabbit amid the weeds growing against the side of our house. it got closer. and then out of the corner of my eye i see it. not the thing, that i knew was already there. no i see the cayote. its farther away than the thing trying to kill me, but it was there. just standing there. the thing stopped moving. i fiddled with the face rabbit and got the key out from under it and then threw the rabbit at the thing standing about five feet tall. i still didnt look at it. so to the left of me is the cayote standing there watching me do all this-NOT TRYING TO ATTACK ME WHICH IS WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO DO RIGHT? and to the right of me is this big fat black thing standing in the muddy walkway from the driveway to the door. i still never even glanced in its direction, but i knew it was there. i could hear it breathing. heavily. i was breathing pretty damn heavily myself. but still, i was the only one out of the three of us who moved a muscle. and finally the cayote charged down the hill toward the door, ran past the door in the direction of the thing and thats when i gave it all one last glance but the thing was gone and the cayote was rounding the corner of my house following the path i had taken and thats when i slammed the door shut behind me, fell back against the door and slid down. i had already started crying when i was slashing at the air with my tenis racket on the hill. so now i was just hysteric. tears gushing down both sides of my face, my cheeks wet and burning, my eyes stinging from al lthe crying, and im still trying to catch my breath again after screaming and running for my life. i know i sound like im crazy or just needing to tell a story or something but im NOT. this is true. so i try to stand up but my legs are really shaky and wobbly and i put both my arms out to steady myself, the hallway walls are close enough to gether that i could put a hand on both sides. i make it into the kitchen and take about ten minutes to put together a cup of "yogi" green tea. this would normally take less than five but you must remember that im crying my eyes out and my hands are shaking so bad that i can barely control them. i sit myselft down on the chaise lounge in the livingroom and about five minutes later i go back into the computer room. the computer room is quite close to the door like maybe three feet away. the phone rang and it was a telemarketer and i picked up and thankfully this guy had an american accent so i explained my position to him-i told him EVERYTHING that had happened. and he stayed on the line and listened to me! i asked him what to do and he told me that i need to keep in constant contact with someone at all times,so i should call someone, IM someone, invite someone over, go over somebody elses house, do something to make sure that at least somebody knows where i am if as he put it "the worst should happen". i thanked him and said goodbye. graham was online but he wasnt really THERE. and then he went offline. so i had no contacts whatsoever. all of a sudden theres a knocking the door. this shook me so bad that my hand hit the cub of tea and and fell halfway over before i thankfully caught it. i only lost about half my cup of tea-well what was left of it after i had violently sipped away. i was so scared. another knock and i heaved myself out of the leather computer chair and edged my way toward the door. "who is it!" i hollered
"its Kathy Jones! from next door!" what the hell would anyone, let alone my neighbor, be doing at my door at ten o click at night? i opened the door and she looked at me like i was death itself. i dont blame her, i mean, i must have looked like a zombie, scared out of my wits, my eyes red with tears.
"Um, hi. cna i help you?" she probably wanted to complain about the noise. kathy was this chick who looked like she was probably in her fourties or something, about my moms age. short brown hair, VERY skinny. like blade thin. even in her thick whool coat she looked skinny as hell.
"yes, uh, i wanted to know if you had seen my dog, ollie" or something liek that i think thats what she said his name was. "i thoght i heard him. his bark is very um unique?" oh. my. god. i almost fell into her arms right there and cried my eyes out. but i didnt. i just sort of stared at her. "and i also heard a lot of screaming. and i thought it came from this house, i wasnt quite sure. i was just checking. because well your lights are on and um...listen. are you ok?"
this was so sweet of her. this really pretty lady that i had never met before was standing on my doorstep asking me if i was ok! i could have started laughing but i didnt want to seem like a freak to her. she was after a stranger and neighbor and i didnt want to make a bad impression her. although i dont think the tears and the death-white face helped at all.
"uh, yeah. im fine. its just this sad movie i was watching." the tv was off in the living room. and she noticed. she looked at me questioningly.
"are you sure? because-"
"um actually no, see i am just having a really bad night because my great aunt ellen died on friday and we were really close...but anyway. i saw your dog i think. what does it look like?" the aunt thing was the truth. she did die on friday. friday NIGHT to be exact. but we werent really close. still, i was like the only person who ever understood her.
"he has brownish red fur, some gold, some grey, pretty big sized. hes a saitn bernard crossbread. maybe youve heard his bark?" did i ever. the bark that ranks the NUMBER ONE SCARIEST SOUND ON THE EARTH to be exact yes ive heard many times tonight infact.
"actualy, i think i did hear him. does his bark sound like wheezing?"
"YES! OH YES YOU DID HEAR HIM! we just moved in and hes not used to-oh my gosh there he is!" the dog gave wheezy screech as it stepped onto the front porch. the porchlight was on and i could see him very clearly. he wasnt at all the menising creature he seemed to be as i was whacking the shit out of him with my tenis racket! i felt really bad about that but decided not to tell her. he didnt seem injured in anyway. "im really sorry about this. he got away as we wer ebringing him in for the night. thank you so much and im so sorry about all of this. hope you feel better!" she pulled a leash out of her pocket and hooked it onto the dogs collar. the two of them dashed away and as i shut the door i laughed. very hard. because i was an idiot.
BUT HEY! the blood stain is still there you know, thats still a mystery i have yet to solve! haha no freaking WAY IN HELL am i going to sleep tonight love you all kiss kiss BUBYE!!!!!!!!
the death of a musical hero
so the sunday night RIGHT before my birthday (on monday) my dad and i were watching the news, for some reason, and suddenly my whole life was turned upside down. the lady started talking about the tuba man. and i was like "OMQ I LOOOOVE THE TUBA MAN HE IS SOOO COOL ISNT HE DAD??? HES SO AWESOME!!!! WE NEED TO SEE HIM AGAIN!!!!"
because see, i met the guy. i knew him.
we were coming out of the baseball stadium the night after school got out. we had seen the mariners vs. the marlins, and we lost to the marlins 9-3. ichiro didnt hit a SINGLE ball. and i mean, much as i hate baseball, i know some of who is who and a little of what is what. and as we were walking around catching some air (we had suite seats given to us for free by moms work) the tuba man was there, playing his tuba. i had seen the guy once before a looong time ago when my dad walked all the way to my moms work from the ferry one day but i didnt know who he was. over time i had heard about this guy. he sat outside the football and baseball stadiums (quest and safeco field) and he played his tuba all day long. he took requests; he knew basically EVERY song. he was such a smart guy. he was in his 50's of 60's i believe. he wasnt homeless, he had an appartment. but still, people gave him money, so he took it. and i mean, how cool is this guy that he PLAYS HIS TUBA ALL DAY LONG????? i mean seriously that is a GREAT WAY TO LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!!! the lived and breathed to play the tuba, and i live and breathe and to play the trombone (among other things). so you see, i could relate to the guy. ever since i had heard about the tuba man i had wanted to meet him. and finally i got the chance to. as usual there was a small crowd of people around him and i watched as the shouted out suggestions. somebody suggested "8 days a week" by the beatles and he played it. and he was good. it was a great feeling, to watch my role model in action. all i wanted was to actually meet him. and i sort of got to. i stayed there longer than the other people and suggested the simpsons theme song and he played it. i suggested the simpsons because it was one of the songs we played at our last band concert. and he played it almost like we did. we didnt have a tuba last year so i had no idea how the song sounded on tuba and i wanted to know. and i got to hear it. and it was so cool. so when he finished it i introduced myself. "hi, im lainey! im your biggest fan! you are totally awesome. i play trombone in our school band and i think its just about the funnest thing in the world!"
"Oh really? well its nice to meet you, lainey."
it looked like he was going to say something more but he got cut off by this little boy who tapped him on the shoulder and asked him if he could play happy birthday because it was his birthday. oh i didnt mind. i thought it was really cute. and the little boy was so adorable. then my dad dragged me out of there so we could get to the car. the game had went past 10:00pm and it was easily close to 10:45 now.
so there i sat so eager to hear about the tuba man.
but what i heard that night was just about the worst thing ever.
the tuba man, the always-happy-guy that i looked up to, my role model, guy who lived to play his tuba and bring joy to people, had been beaten to death by three teenagers. i didnt even listen to the rest of what they were saying. i just sort of sat there on the couch, staring at the tv screen, watching, but not really listening. i watched people lay flowers on his coffin. i watched a lot of people gather around his coffin and put flowers on it. a huge tenis ball became lodged in my throat and before i could stop myself i was crying. just one tear rolled down the side of my face. and i got up and left the room. in the safe confinds of my bedroom with the radio on full blast, out of earshot of the rest of the house, i collapsed on my bed and wept into my pillow. it soaked up my tears like a sponge. i cried harder than i had the night before. i cried harder than i had in a while. he was dead. the tuba man was dead. gone. and it killed me.
because see, i met the guy. i knew him.
we were coming out of the baseball stadium the night after school got out. we had seen the mariners vs. the marlins, and we lost to the marlins 9-3. ichiro didnt hit a SINGLE ball. and i mean, much as i hate baseball, i know some of who is who and a little of what is what. and as we were walking around catching some air (we had suite seats given to us for free by moms work) the tuba man was there, playing his tuba. i had seen the guy once before a looong time ago when my dad walked all the way to my moms work from the ferry one day but i didnt know who he was. over time i had heard about this guy. he sat outside the football and baseball stadiums (quest and safeco field) and he played his tuba all day long. he took requests; he knew basically EVERY song. he was such a smart guy. he was in his 50's of 60's i believe. he wasnt homeless, he had an appartment. but still, people gave him money, so he took it. and i mean, how cool is this guy that he PLAYS HIS TUBA ALL DAY LONG????? i mean seriously that is a GREAT WAY TO LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!!! the lived and breathed to play the tuba, and i live and breathe and to play the trombone (among other things). so you see, i could relate to the guy. ever since i had heard about the tuba man i had wanted to meet him. and finally i got the chance to. as usual there was a small crowd of people around him and i watched as the shouted out suggestions. somebody suggested "8 days a week" by the beatles and he played it. and he was good. it was a great feeling, to watch my role model in action. all i wanted was to actually meet him. and i sort of got to. i stayed there longer than the other people and suggested the simpsons theme song and he played it. i suggested the simpsons because it was one of the songs we played at our last band concert. and he played it almost like we did. we didnt have a tuba last year so i had no idea how the song sounded on tuba and i wanted to know. and i got to hear it. and it was so cool. so when he finished it i introduced myself. "hi, im lainey! im your biggest fan! you are totally awesome. i play trombone in our school band and i think its just about the funnest thing in the world!"
"Oh really? well its nice to meet you, lainey."
it looked like he was going to say something more but he got cut off by this little boy who tapped him on the shoulder and asked him if he could play happy birthday because it was his birthday. oh i didnt mind. i thought it was really cute. and the little boy was so adorable. then my dad dragged me out of there so we could get to the car. the game had went past 10:00pm and it was easily close to 10:45 now.
so there i sat so eager to hear about the tuba man.
but what i heard that night was just about the worst thing ever.
the tuba man, the always-happy-guy that i looked up to, my role model, guy who lived to play his tuba and bring joy to people, had been beaten to death by three teenagers. i didnt even listen to the rest of what they were saying. i just sort of sat there on the couch, staring at the tv screen, watching, but not really listening. i watched people lay flowers on his coffin. i watched a lot of people gather around his coffin and put flowers on it. a huge tenis ball became lodged in my throat and before i could stop myself i was crying. just one tear rolled down the side of my face. and i got up and left the room. in the safe confinds of my bedroom with the radio on full blast, out of earshot of the rest of the house, i collapsed on my bed and wept into my pillow. it soaked up my tears like a sponge. i cried harder than i had the night before. i cried harder than i had in a while. he was dead. the tuba man was dead. gone. and it killed me.
Monday, October 20, 2008
I Hate Mondays
i do. i really do. hate mondays, i mean. here is why. this is another email i sent to people who werent there at lunch today and missed out on all the action.
ok as caitlin put it so suttly i might add after school today I AM SCREWED. its as simple as that. ok maybe not simple, since nothing my life can be simple anymore, but here is what happens next.
so this morning i tell her "brandi, the reason he doesnt want to go out with you is because hes gay!"
"no hes not!" the she held up her hand nearly smacking me in the face and says "dont even"
which doesnt exactly make any sense but nonetheless thats what she said
and basically we just sort of walk along beside each other cause she was headed in the same place i was and we were in the commons so that basically ruined her whole "im an angry bitch dont mess with me" theme and then she start walking faster toward the gym and tripped and fell on her face and slid across the floor for about ten feet. well thats what i saw in my mind anyway. she just hurried along toward the gym. no fall *sob* that would have been hilarious. so i just keep walking to the band room to go and yap with caitlin and viviana and alex and stuff before i need to head to freeman.
so caitlin was origionally planning on sitting by fartdude at lucnh today and i was going to sit with her, but then we changed our minds cause boys are icky and spit their food when they eat cause they eat and talk at the same time and stuff like that. yeah.............
anyway. so when we finish eating we look over to see where he is and hes gone and shes like "he probably went to go get a cookie cause he always gets a cookie"
so we talk and blab for like ten minutes and he still isnt back so shes like "lets go look in the library!" so we go down to the library well we actually just make it three steps down before she looks up through the giant window and points out that "oh! hes playing ping pong! see? hes already there! lets go!" so we go to the ping pong things and stand there not really doing anything and just sort of goof off and joke around and stuff and brandi comes along all in a huff, looking like a redfaced raccoon with her thick eyeliner and bad facial complection.
"HES NOT GAY!!!" she screams at me. i look at her and laugh. i tried to hold it in but it was difficult. then caitlin whispered something in my ear that only made me start laughing really loud. so i brilliantly decide to tell brandi what i had just heard
"ok, he watches project runway, you cant get anymore gay than that!"
"whats project runway?"
so we explain to her what it is and she still refused to believe that he was gay
so caitlin whispered "just tell her hes already dating someone"
"ok, brandi the real reason he cant go out with you is because hes dating someone"
"who?"
"zack"
"yes but who is he dating?"
"who is he dating?" i whisper to caitlin
"you" she whispered
"you" i said. "i mean me" and i start laughing at my brainless word mistake
"WHAT???????????????????????" she screams
then i realized what ihad just said. a million and one words crossed my mind but none of them seamed fitting to use at a time like this. because no word could describe what i had just done. stupid, idiot, retard, dumbass, mother f***er (I put stars cause i dont like using that word on the computer it makes me feel nasty) i thought, but none were enough to describe what had happened. i didnt even think.
"yeah we didnt tell anyone cause im not supposed to date til im 18 hehehe *im gonna die*" the part in the stars is what i i mumbled under my breath. no one heard it.
she stood there staring at me
"your dating junior?" caitlin asked
"uh...." i wasnt even thinking at all right then the rest of what i said was my mouth trying to fix everything and failing miserably "yeah. didnt he tell you? huh. well yeah. we are. heheh....heh. uh...."
"no your not! i thought you were already dating somebody else" brandi said
i paused for a moment trying to think of who the hell she could be talking about.
"you mean will? no. im not, nor was i ever, dating will. at all. ever. hes just my friend and he hasnt even kept any sort of contact with me since like the day before school started"
"i dont believe you" she said
"its TRUE!!" it was. he hasnt replied to a single email, called me at all, or IMed me. we got into this HUGE fight the night before school started and he told me to just try and ignore him cause he didnt think i could do it so the last thing he said to me was "fine. ignore me." and so i did. and he hasnt bothered to fix things so neither will i. i dont really care tough.
"and i also dont believe your dating zack" brandi continued
"you dont? go ask him!" i said.
"yeah hes right there!" caitlin said pointing to him
"you know what? ill go get him!" i said feeling very panicked. i dart over to where he was standing. i had no idea what i was going to say but before i even had a chance to think about what to say the words sort of spilled out of my mouth. i told him breifly what had just happened and waited for him to freak out and ram himself through the giant window he was standing in front and fall to his sharp glassy death on the grass below. but he didnt. he stood there. i didnt even want to look at his face but then again i dont normally but this time was different (somehow) so i looked over to brandi and caitlin and everybody who were all staring at us i swear i was about ready to ram myself out the window. i cant remember what he said after that. i cant even remember if he said anything at all. i look back over my shoulder to where zack was but he was gone! i whip around to my left and there he is walking away and i shout "HEY! WERENT YOU JUST STANDING RIGHT THERE!!!" i point to where he had just been. "THATS NOT COOL MAN HOW DID YOU DO THAT!!!!" im not sure if i was trying to change the subject or if i was really boggled by how he suddenly gone from one side of me to the other without making a sound and without me noticing or anything. i think it was a little bit of both. then caitlin makes fun of me and stands on the side where he had been and jumps over to my left and asks me how she did it and i start laughing nervously.
and that was basically how it ended.
but science is when it really starts getting bad. why does everything bad always happen to me in science?
i sat down at our lab table and scott says "so lainey. hows the gay boyfriend?" dont ask. its a looooooooooooooong story that has nothing to do with what happened today. so i say my usual "fine. hows yours?" and says the usual "that would actually be funny if i didnt have a girlfriend."
and tatiana happened to be walking by then and he said "tatiana who is laineys boyfriend?"
and she just walks on by, stops at her lab group which is right behind ours and says "why should i tell you?" see, she knew i didnt have a boyfriend, she just plays along cause shes awesomely funny that way.
and hes like "tatiana, please. jsut tell me." and he has this look on his face like if she doesnt tell him he might die which was hilarious.
so i yank her over and stand up from my stool and whisper in her ear everything that happened at lunch. so scott and elias heard zacks name in there somewhere and the look on tatianas face was like "HOLY MOTHER EFFING SHIRT YOU DID WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
and i nod my head and she turns around goes to work on the lab with her group. so scot goes "your dating zack?"
and i try to explain to him what had happened but he was going to have none of it. it was too good an opportunity to pass up. "im going to tell everybody" he said eagerly anticipating what was going to happen to me when people found out was dating fartdude. i swear i saw my life flash before my eyes just then.
so some other people in science heard and i knew this because the were smiling wryly when i glanced over to them after scott said that i was dating zack. i was about ready to punch him in the face but i had better self control than that. unfortunately not enough to stop myself from telling brandi that i am going out with zack badzik. WHICH I AM NOT.
so after the bell at the end of the day rang i skipped out of the choir room and into the hallway right in front of where the eighth grade and seventh grade hallways split which is also where his locker is. but thats not why i was there. caitlin was there and we stopped to discuss some things mainly what happened in science and i felt it only necessary to tell him what happened so i could set him straight so that if scott really was telling the truth about how he would tell everyone, he would know that it wasnt me who was spreading lies about the two of us. so he and caitlin and i walk to the band room together and i tell him what happened in science and he doesnt say ANYTHING and he looks down all depressedlike and stuff and i feel really bad and all and i state this out loud to him that he looks really depressed and angry and he still doesnt say anything and caitlin says "lainey"
i turn to face her still walking between the two of them "hmm?"
"your screwed" she says with a laugh.
"I am." i say blankly.
she said something else and then we laughed and then i patted him on the back and said "thats the way to do it" even though i dont quite remember what it was exactly that we said just before that. as we rounded the corner caitlin says "now people have seen you talking and know your dating for sure" she laughed again.
"OH NO!" i shout fakely "now we'll have to hug!" we nearly fall over laughing at this. and the whole time he still hasnt said a word. i dont think. then i tell caitlin about the solo i have in jazz band and shes like "you have a solo? THAT MAKES YOU SEXI LAINEY!!!!" and we laugh some MORE and then he says stuff about how he could probably do a better improv for trombone solo on his sax. and then some stuff happened and mr waterkotte played a funny youtube clip of a guy on a bike running into a road sign that we had already watched today on band cause we had a funday. josh pointed thios out to me on our way to band and im like "WHA? but how did THAT happen! we dont have enough points for a FUNDAY!!!" and we never will, i thought to myself.
BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LISTEN TO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i was walking out of the school with caitlin toward the buses and brandi is standing there talking to people and i say "whats with the stink eye?" cause she gave me the look as i walked by her.
"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO GO AND RUIN MY LIFE!!!!" she whines
"EXUSE ME??? you cant get mad at me for the-" absolutely and completely fake "-TRUTH!"
that was actually kind of funny. her complaining about me ruining her life. cause i remember the way her life shattered before her eyes when she saw me ask zack out for her on friday. the aftermath was showing on her face as she watched me walk away with caitlin.
so yeah. that is howi have now become totally and utterly screwed.
i cant imagine that it could be much better for fartdude. SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok as caitlin put it so suttly i might add after school today I AM SCREWED. its as simple as that. ok maybe not simple, since nothing my life can be simple anymore, but here is what happens next.
so this morning i tell her "brandi, the reason he doesnt want to go out with you is because hes gay!"
"no hes not!" the she held up her hand nearly smacking me in the face and says "dont even"
which doesnt exactly make any sense but nonetheless thats what she said
and basically we just sort of walk along beside each other cause she was headed in the same place i was and we were in the commons so that basically ruined her whole "im an angry bitch dont mess with me" theme and then she start walking faster toward the gym and tripped and fell on her face and slid across the floor for about ten feet. well thats what i saw in my mind anyway. she just hurried along toward the gym. no fall *sob* that would have been hilarious. so i just keep walking to the band room to go and yap with caitlin and viviana and alex and stuff before i need to head to freeman.
so caitlin was origionally planning on sitting by fartdude at lucnh today and i was going to sit with her, but then we changed our minds cause boys are icky and spit their food when they eat cause they eat and talk at the same time and stuff like that. yeah.............
anyway. so when we finish eating we look over to see where he is and hes gone and shes like "he probably went to go get a cookie cause he always gets a cookie"
so we talk and blab for like ten minutes and he still isnt back so shes like "lets go look in the library!" so we go down to the library well we actually just make it three steps down before she looks up through the giant window and points out that "oh! hes playing ping pong! see? hes already there! lets go!" so we go to the ping pong things and stand there not really doing anything and just sort of goof off and joke around and stuff and brandi comes along all in a huff, looking like a redfaced raccoon with her thick eyeliner and bad facial complection.
"HES NOT GAY!!!" she screams at me. i look at her and laugh. i tried to hold it in but it was difficult. then caitlin whispered something in my ear that only made me start laughing really loud. so i brilliantly decide to tell brandi what i had just heard
"ok, he watches project runway, you cant get anymore gay than that!"
"whats project runway?"
so we explain to her what it is and she still refused to believe that he was gay
so caitlin whispered "just tell her hes already dating someone"
"ok, brandi the real reason he cant go out with you is because hes dating someone"
"who?"
"zack"
"yes but who is he dating?"
"who is he dating?" i whisper to caitlin
"you" she whispered
"you" i said. "i mean me" and i start laughing at my brainless word mistake
"WHAT???????????????????????" she screams
then i realized what ihad just said. a million and one words crossed my mind but none of them seamed fitting to use at a time like this. because no word could describe what i had just done. stupid, idiot, retard, dumbass, mother f***er (I put stars cause i dont like using that word on the computer it makes me feel nasty) i thought, but none were enough to describe what had happened. i didnt even think.
"yeah we didnt tell anyone cause im not supposed to date til im 18 hehehe *im gonna die*" the part in the stars is what i i mumbled under my breath. no one heard it.
she stood there staring at me
"your dating junior?" caitlin asked
"uh...." i wasnt even thinking at all right then the rest of what i said was my mouth trying to fix everything and failing miserably "yeah. didnt he tell you? huh. well yeah. we are. heheh....heh. uh...."
"no your not! i thought you were already dating somebody else" brandi said
i paused for a moment trying to think of who the hell she could be talking about.
"you mean will? no. im not, nor was i ever, dating will. at all. ever. hes just my friend and he hasnt even kept any sort of contact with me since like the day before school started"
"i dont believe you" she said
"its TRUE!!" it was. he hasnt replied to a single email, called me at all, or IMed me. we got into this HUGE fight the night before school started and he told me to just try and ignore him cause he didnt think i could do it so the last thing he said to me was "fine. ignore me." and so i did. and he hasnt bothered to fix things so neither will i. i dont really care tough.
"and i also dont believe your dating zack" brandi continued
"you dont? go ask him!" i said.
"yeah hes right there!" caitlin said pointing to him
"you know what? ill go get him!" i said feeling very panicked. i dart over to where he was standing. i had no idea what i was going to say but before i even had a chance to think about what to say the words sort of spilled out of my mouth. i told him breifly what had just happened and waited for him to freak out and ram himself through the giant window he was standing in front and fall to his sharp glassy death on the grass below. but he didnt. he stood there. i didnt even want to look at his face but then again i dont normally but this time was different (somehow) so i looked over to brandi and caitlin and everybody who were all staring at us i swear i was about ready to ram myself out the window. i cant remember what he said after that. i cant even remember if he said anything at all. i look back over my shoulder to where zack was but he was gone! i whip around to my left and there he is walking away and i shout "HEY! WERENT YOU JUST STANDING RIGHT THERE!!!" i point to where he had just been. "THATS NOT COOL MAN HOW DID YOU DO THAT!!!!" im not sure if i was trying to change the subject or if i was really boggled by how he suddenly gone from one side of me to the other without making a sound and without me noticing or anything. i think it was a little bit of both. then caitlin makes fun of me and stands on the side where he had been and jumps over to my left and asks me how she did it and i start laughing nervously.
and that was basically how it ended.
but science is when it really starts getting bad. why does everything bad always happen to me in science?
i sat down at our lab table and scott says "so lainey. hows the gay boyfriend?" dont ask. its a looooooooooooooong story that has nothing to do with what happened today. so i say my usual "fine. hows yours?" and says the usual "that would actually be funny if i didnt have a girlfriend."
and tatiana happened to be walking by then and he said "tatiana who is laineys boyfriend?"
and she just walks on by, stops at her lab group which is right behind ours and says "why should i tell you?" see, she knew i didnt have a boyfriend, she just plays along cause shes awesomely funny that way.
and hes like "tatiana, please. jsut tell me." and he has this look on his face like if she doesnt tell him he might die which was hilarious.
so i yank her over and stand up from my stool and whisper in her ear everything that happened at lunch. so scott and elias heard zacks name in there somewhere and the look on tatianas face was like "HOLY MOTHER EFFING SHIRT YOU DID WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
and i nod my head and she turns around goes to work on the lab with her group. so scot goes "your dating zack?"
and i try to explain to him what had happened but he was going to have none of it. it was too good an opportunity to pass up. "im going to tell everybody" he said eagerly anticipating what was going to happen to me when people found out was dating fartdude. i swear i saw my life flash before my eyes just then.
so some other people in science heard and i knew this because the were smiling wryly when i glanced over to them after scott said that i was dating zack. i was about ready to punch him in the face but i had better self control than that. unfortunately not enough to stop myself from telling brandi that i am going out with zack badzik. WHICH I AM NOT.
so after the bell at the end of the day rang i skipped out of the choir room and into the hallway right in front of where the eighth grade and seventh grade hallways split which is also where his locker is. but thats not why i was there. caitlin was there and we stopped to discuss some things mainly what happened in science and i felt it only necessary to tell him what happened so i could set him straight so that if scott really was telling the truth about how he would tell everyone, he would know that it wasnt me who was spreading lies about the two of us. so he and caitlin and i walk to the band room together and i tell him what happened in science and he doesnt say ANYTHING and he looks down all depressedlike and stuff and i feel really bad and all and i state this out loud to him that he looks really depressed and angry and he still doesnt say anything and caitlin says "lainey"
i turn to face her still walking between the two of them "hmm?"
"your screwed" she says with a laugh.
"I am." i say blankly.
she said something else and then we laughed and then i patted him on the back and said "thats the way to do it" even though i dont quite remember what it was exactly that we said just before that. as we rounded the corner caitlin says "now people have seen you talking and know your dating for sure" she laughed again.
"OH NO!" i shout fakely "now we'll have to hug!" we nearly fall over laughing at this. and the whole time he still hasnt said a word. i dont think. then i tell caitlin about the solo i have in jazz band and shes like "you have a solo? THAT MAKES YOU SEXI LAINEY!!!!" and we laugh some MORE and then he says stuff about how he could probably do a better improv for trombone solo on his sax. and then some stuff happened and mr waterkotte played a funny youtube clip of a guy on a bike running into a road sign that we had already watched today on band cause we had a funday. josh pointed thios out to me on our way to band and im like "WHA? but how did THAT happen! we dont have enough points for a FUNDAY!!!" and we never will, i thought to myself.
BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LISTEN TO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i was walking out of the school with caitlin toward the buses and brandi is standing there talking to people and i say "whats with the stink eye?" cause she gave me the look as i walked by her.
"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO GO AND RUIN MY LIFE!!!!" she whines
"EXUSE ME??? you cant get mad at me for the-" absolutely and completely fake "-TRUTH!"
that was actually kind of funny. her complaining about me ruining her life. cause i remember the way her life shattered before her eyes when she saw me ask zack out for her on friday. the aftermath was showing on her face as she watched me walk away with caitlin.
so yeah. that is howi have now become totally and utterly screwed.
i cant imagine that it could be much better for fartdude. SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, September 19, 2008
Allegra + Julia + Lincoln + me = DISASTER
omg so i emailed madi what she missed today at school cause she was siiiiiiiiiick.
here is our convo:
On Fri, Sep 19, 2008 at 3:57 PM, Lainey is Awesome wrote:
DUDE allegra says she didn't do it but idk about that but anyway on the third stall in the girls bathroom it says (inside a heart) Allegra + Julia and she showed it to us today at lunch and harper was there and she wanted to see but allegra tried to cover it up so i went in there and tried to hold her back and harper started laughing when she saw it and allegra tried to push me aaside and succeeded but fell into the toilet in the process and had a big glop of toilet water on her ass it was so funny and people were looking at it and she's liek ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE ITS JUST TOILET WATER!!! but like that was any better than looking like3 she pissed herself it was so funny everybody was laughing for like the rest of the day but now kelsie hates me cause in band we had cleaning tips so he took it section by section and when your section wasnt up you could do homework so robin read my two introductory paragraphs and said i could use better action wording on the second one instead of "stare" so said "so you think i should say 'and everyone immediately turned around and precariously watched'?" and she said yeah and im like "but i don't know what precarious means" and shes liek "lets go ask sam cause hes smart" *goes off into lalaland staring at sam* and im like ew but we do anyway and i said "can you tell me what the word precarious means? cause robin said you were good at this kind of stuff" and she said "yeah you are really good at this" and i said "well robin you would know." and then she told everyone that i said that when he said that his thing was big but he only said thing cause he couldn't remember which instrument he played (oh year real smart) but i don't remember that ever happening i only said that you would know thing once and it was on the less gross thing but kelsie believes robin and told me that wasn't nice and then she got all mad at me so yeah now i think she hates me (again).
here is our convo:
On Fri, Sep 19, 2008 at 3:57 PM, Lainey is Awesome
DUDE allegra says she didn't do it but idk about that but anyway on the third stall in the girls bathroom it says (inside a heart) Allegra + Julia and she showed it to us today at lunch and harper was there and she wanted to see but allegra tried to cover it up so i went in there and tried to hold her back and harper started laughing when she saw it and allegra tried to push me aaside and succeeded but fell into the toilet in the process and had a big glop of toilet water on her ass it was so funny and people were looking at it and she's liek ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE ITS JUST TOILET WATER!!! but like that was any better than looking like3 she pissed herself it was so funny everybody was laughing for like the rest of the day but now kelsie hates me cause in band we had cleaning tips so he took it section by section and when your section wasnt up you could do homework so robin read my two introductory paragraphs and said i could use better action wording on the second one instead of "stare" so said "so you think i should say 'and everyone immediately turned around and precariously watched'?" and she said yeah and im like "but i don't know what precarious means" and shes liek "lets go ask sam cause hes smart" *goes off into lalaland staring at sam* and im like ew but we do anyway and i said "can you tell me what the word precarious means? cause robin said you were good at this kind of stuff" and she said "yeah you are really good at this" and i said "well robin you would know." and then she told everyone that i said that when he said that his thing was big but he only said thing cause he couldn't remember which instrument he played (oh year real smart) but i don't remember that ever happening i only said that you would know thing once and it was on the less gross thing but kelsie believes robin and told me that wasn't nice and then she got all mad at me so yeah now i think she hates me (again).
It's A Conspiracy Man!
Alright so it has been brought to my attention that there are many guys that people think i like and that they say they could totally see me with. so have come up with a list of the guys that these rumors involve, JUST TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT. cause its really annoying when when people mistake friendliness for attraction.
the guys a don't like:
guys people could see me with for which i wanted to scream and for which that makes them no better than the retards they said they could see me with:
I HOPE THAT HAS CLEARED THINGS UP FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO THINK I AM RETARDED ENOUGH TO FALL FOR THOSE GUYS.
i may be stupid sometimes, not THAT stupid. at least im not as dumb as you look!!! OHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YOU KNOW I M FLAVAFLAVALICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the guys a don't like:
- sam bitchoff-i mean bishoff
- scott wyman
- lincoln beal
- alan holt
- nick badzik
- zack badzik
- jay terry
- gus green
- tom jorza
- will madsen cause hes being an a hole
- gus drake
- eli talooe (dont ask)
- AND ANY OTHER PEOPLE YOU MIGHT THINK I LIKE THAT ARE NOT IN THE LIST OF PEOPLE I DO "LIKE LIKE" OR THAT I LEFT OUT AND WILL EVENTUALLY REMEMBER WHEN I WAKE UP ONE NIGHT WHILE DREAMING ABOUT RAINBOW VENUS FLYTRAPS EATING UNICORNS AND CRAP
guys people could see me with for which i wanted to scream and for which that makes them no better than the retards they said they could see me with:
- lincoln beal
- sam bishoff
- if there are any others you could see me with please tell me cause i would very much like to know
- Chris WHO FREAKING LIVES IN FRANCE AND WONT KEEP CONTACT WITH ME AND IT MAKES ME SAD AND I THINK THAT WHEN MADI AND I GO TO FRANCE IM GONNA SEE HIM AND PUNISH HIM FOR BEING BAAAAD (if you know what i mean lolololol ;) )
- James McAvoy
- Nick Jonas
- Joey Zehr
- Cristiano Ronaldo's a pretty sexi dude
- Aristide Black
- CONRAD ZIMNEY THE SAXAPHONE PLAYER WHO I LOVE BUT ALSO HATE FOR QUITTING JAZZ BAND LAST YEAR CAUSE THEN I WAS GONNA JOIN BUT THEN REALIZED THAT HE WOULD BE IN HIGH SCHOOL WHEN I WAS IN EIGHTH GRADE AND HE DOESN'T EVEN GO BHS HE GOES TO FREAKING HILA SCREW THEM!!!!!!!!!!!! i don't know why he quit though..............maybe it was cause me and tatiana SCREAMED his name out REALLY LOUD at every concert and then he quit for the last one and made me saaaaaaaaaaaaad and then oh his way out after the concert was over and it was just me and robin and taitana and a few teachers and somebody else and their parents and conrad and his parents were leaving and we were standing by the door and i had switched out of my heels and was holding them in my hand and i went to wave at him but could only lift my pinky finger up and it didn't occur to me that i could have waved with the other hand so i looked really retarded and im like "hi conrad!" and he's like "hi" and waved back and his parents looked at me like awe isn't that sweet? and he just looked at me like who the f is she? she looks really familiar... and i SHOULD look familiar because one day last year when i was getting my trombone out of the cabnet after school and jazz band was having their meeting and stuff i could see someone out of the corner of my eye but didnt care and then i looked away and stood up and oushed the door out farther and smashed him right in the face with it. i felt so bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i almost started crying such such a beautiful face like shouldn't get ruined!!!!!!!! but it didn't look like any damage was done and im like "OH MY GOD IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY I CANT BELIEVE I JUST DID THAT IM SORRY IM SO SORRY ARE YOU OK IM REALLY REALL REALLY SORRY" and he just kept going "yeah im fine! don't worry im ok! its ok!" but dang he played a knee-melting solo at the winter concert last year i still get chills. it was sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxi.
I HOPE THAT HAS CLEARED THINGS UP FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO THINK I AM RETARDED ENOUGH TO FALL FOR THOSE GUYS.
i may be stupid sometimes, not THAT stupid. at least im not as dumb as you look!!! OHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YOU KNOW I M FLAVAFLAVALICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
From French to Choir
I know I haven't written in a while, and i have no idea why i didn't but who cares. I'm back in school and ready to rock. No idea how, though, since pretty much everyone's mad at me for quitting French but it doesn't exactly make any sense cause i only have like two friends in French and Pinky (Natausha) doesn't mind but Kelsie, my other French class friend, is pretty peeved. she called me a traitor about a million times last Friday on IM. it made me sad. i had already cried my eyes out over it in the morning and at lunch! It was really sad. I mean, I love Madame Knell, she rox she's the coolest language teacher EVER. and she's SOOOO nice. but when robin, pinkey, and i went into the french room that morning it was like a shadow fell over the french room because of what i went in there for.
"Madame Knell, I gotta tell you something."
"Sure Christine," She said. Christine is the French name i picked.
"I'm transferring out of French."
I don't remember what she said after that but she looked so said i almost started crying.
"I'm really sorry Madame Knell, but it's just that French isn't fun anymore." she looked at me with big sad eyes and her face went white. "I don't have any friends in my class"-there's two 8th grade classes and Kelsie and Pinky are in 4th period and I was in 5th-"and when we do partner work everyone else pairs off and i'm left all alone to do work by myself and lets face it if i don't have a partner I'm screwed and I can't do the work cause my brain can't function properly unless i have someone who knows french better than me or just as well..." I was monologuing to avoid bursting with tears.
"Well is there something I can do?" She really wanted me to stay in her class! "Is there someone in the class nice enough or that you feel comfortable around that I can seat you next to-I can put you next to them for every seating chart if you want-" She was trying to help so bad it was making me really sad!
"Everyone in that class has a friend that they would rather sit next to than me and whether they sit next to me or not they'll just go walk over to their friends and work with them I'll still be left alone..."
"Well I don't have to do that anymore! I can asign partners!"
"No, I don't want you to ruin everybody's fun!"
"Oh they can deal with it-"
"I just think it's better this way French just won't be as fun as it used to be without my friends and one of the reasons I got an A in French last year was because of peer support but now all i have is just peer rejection."
"It just breaks my heart to see such a great student as you leave," a tear escaped from both of her eyes. "And you really loved French..."
"Oh don't cry Madam Knell!" But then I started crying! "Here you need a hug and frankly so do I!" and we hugged and it was just so SAD!!!!!
We let go of each other and I looked over out the classroom door and the seventh graders were all staring at us so Madam Knell said "Here," and guided me back out of sight of the kids in the hallway. As I moved back I glanced at Pinky and Robin who were staring at me with "WHAT THE F ARE YOU DOING????" looks on their faces. Madam Knell and I wiped our eyes and Robin laughed at us. so sympathetic isn't she?
"But I AM switching into a really fun class, I'm going into Choir."
"And you think Choir will be better for you then?" she asked, smiling.
"Yeah, I DO like to sing!"
"Oh, I know, you took advantage of class every time we pulled out our song sheets!" She said.
I remembered the day before, how during song time she called on everyone but me and Nate suggested we sing "Vois Sur Ton Chemin" which is my favorite French song, look it up on You Tube it's really pretty. But anyway, Madame Knell asked us all if we wanted to sing it and like ten people shouted "YES YES YES WE HAVE TO SING VOIS SUR TON CHEMIN!!!!" including me but the rest of the class was like no lets sing something else but just kept begging. our pleas were overlooked. "Maybe another time," Madame Knell reassured us. that was the worst second day of school ever cause of all the exclusion and stuff.
And I was right. Choir was WAAAAAAAAAY more fun. I made friends with a 7th grader named Halle or Hally I'm still not sure how to spell her name but whatever. and Yesenia, another French drop-out and one of my very good friends, and Camile, a girl with whome I was never very well acquainted with but now we're good friends, are in Choir, too. it was really funny though I'm just getting over a cold, and yesterday when we were doing voice exercises I was standing next to Halle in the risers and we were getting into high notes and my nose was plugged up and my throat hurt (I found out that day that she had a cold too, so that was kinda funny too) and when I tried to sing the high notes that everyone else in the class-including the guys-was hitting really well, I couldn't make a sound! I turned to halle and said "I can't sing!"
"Don't say that," she said. "You have a great voice-we all heard you sing on Friday!"
"NO!" I smiled uneasily. "I mean I can't make sound come out!"
She laughed. "Don't worry I can't even sing that high." we both laughed and continued failing miserably at singing notes only sick people couldn't hit.
So now I'm happy and I still visit Madame Knell in the mornings and on Monday, when I told her I was sick, and suggested she play my favorite song as a farewell gift, she said, "OH! I'll play Vois Sur Ton Chemin for you, Christine! Make you feel better!" and Kelsie, Pinky and I started singing along to it although I probably sounded a whiny dog cause of my stuffed up nose and soar throat. lol but it's good now.
"Madame Knell, I gotta tell you something."
"Sure Christine," She said. Christine is the French name i picked.
"I'm transferring out of French."
I don't remember what she said after that but she looked so said i almost started crying.
"I'm really sorry Madame Knell, but it's just that French isn't fun anymore." she looked at me with big sad eyes and her face went white. "I don't have any friends in my class"-there's two 8th grade classes and Kelsie and Pinky are in 4th period and I was in 5th-"and when we do partner work everyone else pairs off and i'm left all alone to do work by myself and lets face it if i don't have a partner I'm screwed and I can't do the work cause my brain can't function properly unless i have someone who knows french better than me or just as well..." I was monologuing to avoid bursting with tears.
"Well is there something I can do?" She really wanted me to stay in her class! "Is there someone in the class nice enough or that you feel comfortable around that I can seat you next to-I can put you next to them for every seating chart if you want-" She was trying to help so bad it was making me really sad!
"Everyone in that class has a friend that they would rather sit next to than me and whether they sit next to me or not they'll just go walk over to their friends and work with them I'll still be left alone..."
"Well I don't have to do that anymore! I can asign partners!"
"No, I don't want you to ruin everybody's fun!"
"Oh they can deal with it-"
"I just think it's better this way French just won't be as fun as it used to be without my friends and one of the reasons I got an A in French last year was because of peer support but now all i have is just peer rejection."
"It just breaks my heart to see such a great student as you leave," a tear escaped from both of her eyes. "And you really loved French..."
"Oh don't cry Madam Knell!" But then I started crying! "Here you need a hug and frankly so do I!" and we hugged and it was just so SAD!!!!!
We let go of each other and I looked over out the classroom door and the seventh graders were all staring at us so Madam Knell said "Here," and guided me back out of sight of the kids in the hallway. As I moved back I glanced at Pinky and Robin who were staring at me with "WHAT THE F ARE YOU DOING????" looks on their faces. Madam Knell and I wiped our eyes and Robin laughed at us. so sympathetic isn't she?
"But I AM switching into a really fun class, I'm going into Choir."
"And you think Choir will be better for you then?" she asked, smiling.
"Yeah, I DO like to sing!"
"Oh, I know, you took advantage of class every time we pulled out our song sheets!" She said.
I remembered the day before, how during song time she called on everyone but me and Nate suggested we sing "Vois Sur Ton Chemin" which is my favorite French song, look it up on You Tube it's really pretty. But anyway, Madame Knell asked us all if we wanted to sing it and like ten people shouted "YES YES YES WE HAVE TO SING VOIS SUR TON CHEMIN!!!!" including me but the rest of the class was like no lets sing something else but just kept begging. our pleas were overlooked. "Maybe another time," Madame Knell reassured us. that was the worst second day of school ever cause of all the exclusion and stuff.
And I was right. Choir was WAAAAAAAAAY more fun. I made friends with a 7th grader named Halle or Hally I'm still not sure how to spell her name but whatever. and Yesenia, another French drop-out and one of my very good friends, and Camile, a girl with whome I was never very well acquainted with but now we're good friends, are in Choir, too. it was really funny though I'm just getting over a cold, and yesterday when we were doing voice exercises I was standing next to Halle in the risers and we were getting into high notes and my nose was plugged up and my throat hurt (I found out that day that she had a cold too, so that was kinda funny too) and when I tried to sing the high notes that everyone else in the class-including the guys-was hitting really well, I couldn't make a sound! I turned to halle and said "I can't sing!"
"Don't say that," she said. "You have a great voice-we all heard you sing on Friday!"
"NO!" I smiled uneasily. "I mean I can't make sound come out!"
She laughed. "Don't worry I can't even sing that high." we both laughed and continued failing miserably at singing notes only sick people couldn't hit.
So now I'm happy and I still visit Madame Knell in the mornings and on Monday, when I told her I was sick, and suggested she play my favorite song as a farewell gift, she said, "OH! I'll play Vois Sur Ton Chemin for you, Christine! Make you feel better!" and Kelsie, Pinky and I started singing along to it although I probably sounded a whiny dog cause of my stuffed up nose and soar throat. lol but it's good now.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
WASL + website
Not that I don't love Disneyland, or anything. It's just why NOW? why couldn't it have been over spring break? Oh, well. At least I get six extra days to to push off the WASL. But wait. No. I still have to Tomorow. And Tuesday. But Monday's party day, I think. But Tuesday's reading WASL. Guess I'll just have to deal. But hey I think I'm gonna have to find a way to fix my busted science website. Maybe I'll make a new one. This time, it'll be about music. Maybe there's just something wrong with my computer and the one in Mr. Lindbloom's classroom will let me open the most IMPORTANT page that I need to edit.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Life Issues
Ok, so tell me this. Why is it that whenever I think something is going perfect in my life, all of a sudden it gets screwed up?
Like with my slide show for Transue. I get over halfway through with it and then it dissapears!
Of course, then I found out it was that I saved it to the wrong place and Mrs Shankland DELETED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but it's all cool now cause I fixed it.
But that's not the problem.
The problem is that I finally catch up on all my homework and missing assignments and then I find out my parents are taking me to DISNEYLAND??????? AGAIN????????? And Durring the WASL, too!
Like with my slide show for Transue. I get over halfway through with it and then it dissapears!
Of course, then I found out it was that I saved it to the wrong place and Mrs Shankland DELETED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but it's all cool now cause I fixed it.
But that's not the problem.
The problem is that I finally catch up on all my homework and missing assignments and then I find out my parents are taking me to DISNEYLAND??????? AGAIN????????? And Durring the WASL, too!
Friday, April 11, 2008
Friday
Today was immensely boring. I learned how to make a website in science and I had one on Catastrophic events and it was beautiful, and some perv from Pittsburg said he loved me. So I go to make some changes on the most important part and then publish it (cause the thing said it was still a draft) but the freaking thing won't let me open the page!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which, you know, sucked majorly.
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