my run in with death

so everything pretty much went downhill from there. my great aunt died, and the next weekend her husband died. weird huh? the weekend after the weekend that depression hit was the scariest night of my life. here is an email i wrote to everybody after it happened:


ok so tonight was basically the scariest night of my life. i almost DIED you guys. seriously. read the chat-it explains it all. OH OH OH BUUUUUUUUUUUT i must warn you theres some pretty harsh language-mind you, im fearing for my life this whole time, so if you are sensitive to the f, s, or a word, then you probably might get your eyes burnt out. although i probably used the words a lot less than i would have it i was actually talking.......you guys its been like an hour and im still shaking really bad. at least im not crying anymore. thats good. my daring run in with death is at the bottom. graham kinda disappeared while i was outside for the second time.

me: the second i get my hands on some AA batteries im sticking them in my camera and taking pictures the stain SO I CAN SHOW EVERYBODY and they can all start crying stuff EEEEEEKKK IM SCARED IM SCARED IM SCARED SCARY NOISES SCARY NOISES OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM WINDOW NOW AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!! CALL 911!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:36 PM DO SOMETHING DO SOMETHING IM WIGGING OUT OVER HERE!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH THE OBESE PURPLE CAMBODIAN BUNNIES ARE AFTER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:37 PM Graham: Wtf
LOL
me: lolololol not really haha inside joke BUT SERIOUSLY WHERE THE F DID YOU GO THERES SCARY NOISES OUTSIDE OF THE BATHROOM WINDOW FROM WHICH A BLOODSTAIN FLOWS AND IM GONNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe
oh
hi,
8:38 PM i need a flare gun
so i can fire it and then it will hit an airplane the airplane will fall from the sky and land on whatever the hell is making the SCARY NOISE OUTSIDE MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!
21 minutes
9:00 PM Graham: SO how's it going over there?
me: i think i killed it
with my tenis racjet
*racket
Graham: Ooh
Was it bloody?
9:01 PM me: mother fucker its cold outside
idk
bit ok
so ehres what happened
se
e
i am freaking out
and halle is yelling at me to take action
so iu get my tenis racjet
fuck
not again
RACKET
there
and i go outside
Graham: right
me: and its freezing cold
9:02 PM and im in nothing but a tank top and boxers here miond you so im freezing my ass off
and i tiptoe through the cold wet grass covered with mud and leaves
and i walk around to the back of the rhouse
and then i walk up the steps of the deck
9:03 PM that are covered in sticker bushes and sting nedals
and the deck is also falling apart
Graham: Ow
me: so i got a whole bunch of welts and cuts all over not to mention splinters
and i walk all the way
along the side of the house
towards my tiny bathroom window
9:04 PM and i can still hear that godaweful noise
coming from just below it
Graham: Wait, why are you doing all this? ARe you following it?
me: following it?
no
it never moved
Graham: Ah
9:05 PM Finding it
me: remember i was inside my bathroom and heard the scary noises coming from outside the window
anyway
Graham: Ah ok!
me: so i have my tenis racket in my hands
out in front of me
and im home alone too
just to let you know
Graham: Mm
Not good
me: so its not liek i could have my dad do all this for me or anything
so anyway
9:06 PM my bathroom window is just beyond where the railing stops
on our deck
so i can still hear it
wheezing
and screeching
and pounding itself
against the side of the house
and i lean over the rainling and
now i dont know if you want to hear this next part its kind if nasty
9:07 PM Graham: Sure, go ahead
me: well
its also embarrassing
but whatever
so i pee my pants
just a little
im so dehydrated
lol
anyway
so its so dark out
that i cant se anything
but thi9s BIG SHADOW
moving away
9:08 PM to the ight
like
away from the house
along the raling of the deck
Graham: :-o
me: and i lean over
and see the sticker bushes moving and reach down
and with all my might i start bashing the hell out of whatever it is with my tenis racket
and im crying my eyes out
cause im so scared
Graham: Mmm
9:09 PM me: and im screaming
for my life
and then all of a sudden im hitting air because theres
nothing there
anymore
so i dont know
if it fell on its side because i killed whatever it was
but i think it probably go away
either way
9:10 PM the second i got inside
i changed my undies and put some pj bottoms on
and im still shaking like crazy
my right leg
is involuntarily shaking
Graham: How long have you been inside?
9:11 PM me: liek i cant make it stop
for about
ummm
a little over ten minutes
im afraid to go back outside
9:12 PM for the rest of my life
the blood is still on the wall
though i have no idea how it got there
oh
and did i mention
the hair
on my tenis racket?
9:13 PM gray
and brown
hairs
long
hairs
about the length of the distance from your thumb toyour pinky
finger
i am so nervous
and alone
9:14 PM scared
frightened
alone
theres some animal
outside
idk if its dead or alive either way i know something is GOINT JUGOJRIEOPY
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
SO SCARy
NOISE
BACK AGAIN
BANGING
OUTSIDE
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH GRAHAM GRAHAM GRAHAM
HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Graham: Mm?
That'd be hard
9:15 PM Find it, and hit it over and over again
me: heheh
Graham: How's that?
me: OK OK UM WHAT IF I GETS ME
Graham: Or maybe try ti seduce it
*to
me: seduce it?
Graham: Yes
Sexually
me: how
?
i dont know its mating call!
Graham: Eh
Try something
me: what if its BIGFOOT
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK
BIGFOOT IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!!!11
9:16 PM yeep
Graham: I'm just saying, what if he's horny?
me: more screeching
Graham: It's a shot
Jk
me: hahahaha
i mlaughing now
but
Graham: Don't do that, you'd probably die
Haha
me: laughing myself to tears
wait
AAAAAH NOW IM CRYING AGAIN
9:17 PM Graham: Sorry
me: AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK AAAAAAAAH ITS GONNA SMASH RIGHT THROUGH THE WALL
I SWEAR IT
its wheezing and screeching
it wont stop
and it wont stop pounding either
WHAT DOES IT WANT FROM ME!!!!!!!
9:18 PM IT MUST KNOW IM ALL Out OF CONDOMS
GOD
ok
Graham: I'm thinking sex, but maybe that...
Of
Oh
That's just me
Sorry
Don't give in!
Stand up1
!
me: lol
stand up?
its RIGHT OUTSIDE THE COMPUTER ROOM
NOW
9:19 PM AND THE COMPUITER ROOM WINDOW IS SO BIG WE HAVE A BEDSHEET FOR A CURTAIN
Graham: Easy to break?
9:20 PM me: ummmmmmmyeah
probably
but
its too high
up
i think
because
its liek eight feet
off the ground
Graham: Well if it's Bigfoot...
me: and the pounding
9:21 PM is down lower
like a foot below the window
i know i klnow
what should i do graham what do i do
!!!!!!!!!!!1
AAAAAAAAAAAAH
Graham: Go get some icecream
And eat it
9:22 PM Or throw it at it if you must
me: ITS SCREECHING AND WHEEZING IS GETTING FUCKING LOUDER NOW
Graham: ^
me: yeah
i dont have any
icecream
i wish i did
right now
9:23 PM ok
im going back
outside
im probably going to die
Graham: Good luck, see you later(hopefully)!
9:25 PM me: ok
i got my coat
and my dads ski boots
9:26 PM and now
oh shit
i have nothing to defend my self
AAAAAAH
i could use the computer
it was a worthless piece of shit anyway
Graham: hmm
me: ok
9:27 PM i have mine and my dads tenis rackets nopw
*now
and im shaking like hell
i have to pee
really bad now
AAAAAAAH
ITS GETTING LOUDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9:29 PM ok
here i go.............

but when i came in he like wasnt there anymore and stuff. which sucked. anyway so heres what happened:
i stepped out the door, walked down the tiny muddy grassy path around the side of my house, but before i rounded the corner to see what was pounding/screeching/wheezing, i heard cayotes yelping in the distance, and remembered the pack of cayotes that live in our woods. and you guys know how cayotes are my # 1 BIGGEST FEAR (next to earwigs)???? so try to imagine how im holding up through all of this:
i am standing back against my house in my dads ski boots and my huge snow coat holding a tenis racket in each hand, no light whatsoever (the moon was hidden behind the trees) except for the tiny gleam from behind the blinds of our windows which is basically nothing. no cars in the driveway. nobody around but me. and around the corner like twenty feet away is this.......god i dont know what it is at the time screeching and wheezing and pounding itself against the side of my house, and now my biggest fear is off in the distance making the second scariest noise in the world (the screeching and wheezing is by far the first)????? IM PRACTICALLY DYING!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have never wanted to scream more in my whole LIFE. and as i slowly stuck my head around the corner of my house thats exactly what i did. i screamed for my god forsaken life. louder than you could ever imagine. louder and with more passon and fear, i swear to you, than you have ever heard anyone scream in your whole life. i didnt open my eyes to see it. i didnt want to see it. but i as the pounding stopped i knew i had to. all noises stopped after i quit screaming. i opened my eyes. i could see, once again, only a big dark shadow moving in the very near distance, although i couldnt tell if it was moving towards me or away from me. it looked like it was getting bigger so i guessed it was coming at me and i whip around and run for my life up the hill (even though im like ten feet from the door to my house) and i start running around liek a lunatic freakinjg out and screaming my ass off and panting and slashing at the air around me with the tenis rackets and all of a sudden, as i am running down the side of the hill towards my front door, there it is, twenty feet away from the door. i zoom so fast to the door its not even funny. i still couldnt see what it was but i think it was a bear or something. idk it probably wasnt that big. about the size of like maybe a little bit smaller than a dear but like twice as fat and hairy and screams and wheezes likes throwing itself agains houses. i dont know. anyway. i get to my door and try to turn the knob but the mother loving door is freaking LOCKED. thats right ladies and gentlemen. i locked myself out of my own house. BUT i remembered the spare key-unfortunately that THING was getting closer i threw my dads tenis racket at it and that held off for like ten seconds while i dove for the fake bunny rabbit amid the weeds growing against the side of our house. it got closer. and then out of the corner of my eye i see it. not the thing, that i knew was already there. no i see the cayote. its farther away than the thing trying to kill me, but it was there. just standing there. the thing stopped moving. i fiddled with the face rabbit and got the key out from under it and then threw the rabbit at the thing standing about five feet tall. i still didnt look at it. so to the left of me is the cayote standing there watching me do all this-NOT TRYING TO ATTACK ME WHICH IS WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO DO RIGHT? and to the right of me is this big fat black thing standing in the muddy walkway from the driveway to the door. i still never even glanced in its direction, but i knew it was there. i could hear it breathing. heavily. i was breathing pretty damn heavily myself. but still, i was the only one out of the three of us who moved a muscle. and finally the cayote charged down the hill toward the door, ran past the door in the direction of the thing and thats when i gave it all one last glance but the thing was gone and the cayote was rounding the corner of my house following the path i had taken and thats when i slammed the door shut behind me, fell back against the door and slid down. i had already started crying when i was slashing at the air with my tenis racket on the hill. so now i was just hysteric. tears gushing down both sides of my face, my cheeks wet and burning, my eyes stinging from al lthe crying, and im still trying to catch my breath again after screaming and running for my life. i know i sound like im crazy or just needing to tell a story or something but im NOT. this is true. so i try to stand up but my legs are really shaky and wobbly and i put both my arms out to steady myself, the hallway walls are close enough to gether that i could put a hand on both sides. i make it into the kitchen and take about ten minutes to put together a cup of "yogi" green tea. this would normally take less than five but you must remember that im crying my eyes out and my hands are shaking so bad that i can barely control them. i sit myselft down on the chaise lounge in the livingroom and about five minutes later i go back into the computer room. the computer room is quite close to the door like maybe three feet away. the phone rang and it was a telemarketer and i picked up and thankfully this guy had an american accent so i explained my position to him-i told him EVERYTHING that had happened. and he stayed on the line and listened to me! i asked him what to do and he told me that i need to keep in constant contact with someone at all times,so i should call someone, IM someone, invite someone over, go over somebody elses house, do something to make sure that at least somebody knows where i am if as he put it "the worst should happen". i thanked him and said goodbye. graham was online but he wasnt really THERE. and then he went offline. so i had no contacts whatsoever. all of a sudden theres a knocking the door. this shook me so bad that my hand hit the cub of tea and and fell halfway over before i thankfully caught it. i only lost about half my cup of tea-well what was left of it after i had violently sipped away. i was so scared. another knock and i heaved myself out of the leather computer chair and edged my way toward the door. "who is it!" i hollered
"its Kathy Jones! from next door!" what the hell would anyone, let alone my neighbor, be doing at my door at ten o click at night? i opened the door and she looked at me like i was death itself. i dont blame her, i mean, i must have looked like a zombie, scared out of my wits, my eyes red with tears.
"Um, hi. cna i help you?" she probably wanted to complain about the noise. kathy was this chick who looked like she was probably in her fourties or something, about my moms age. short brown hair, VERY skinny. like blade thin. even in her thick whool coat she looked skinny as hell.
"yes, uh, i wanted to know if you had seen my dog, ollie" or something liek that i think thats what she said his name was. "i thoght i heard him. his bark is very um unique?" oh. my. god. i almost fell into her arms right there and cried my eyes out. but i didnt. i just sort of stared at her. "and i also heard a lot of screaming. and i thought it came from this house, i wasnt quite sure. i was just checking. because well your lights are on and um...listen. are you ok?"
this was so sweet of her. this really pretty lady that i had never met before was standing on my doorstep asking me if i was ok! i could have started laughing but i didnt want to seem like a freak to her. she was after a stranger and neighbor and i didnt want to make a bad impression her. although i dont think the tears and the death-white face helped at all.
"uh, yeah. im fine. its just this sad movie i was watching." the tv was off in the living room. and she noticed. she looked at me questioningly.
"are you sure? because-"
"um actually no, see i am just having a really bad night because my great aunt ellen died on friday and we were really close...but anyway. i saw your dog i think. what does it look like?" the aunt thing was the truth. she did die on friday. friday NIGHT to be exact. but we werent really close. still, i was like the only person who ever understood her.
"he has brownish red fur, some gold, some grey, pretty big sized. hes a saitn bernard crossbread. maybe youve heard his bark?" did i ever. the bark that ranks the NUMBER ONE SCARIEST SOUND ON THE EARTH to be exact yes ive heard many times tonight infact.
"actualy, i think i did hear him. does his bark sound like wheezing?"
"YES! OH YES YOU DID HEAR HIM! we just moved in and hes not used to-oh my gosh there he is!" the dog gave wheezy screech as it stepped onto the front porch. the porchlight was on and i could see him very clearly. he wasnt at all the menising creature he seemed to be as i was whacking the shit out of him with my tenis racket! i felt really bad about that but decided not to tell her. he didnt seem injured in anyway. "im really sorry about this. he got away as we wer ebringing him in for the night. thank you so much and im so sorry about all of this. hope you feel better!" she pulled a leash out of her pocket and hooked it onto the dogs collar. the two of them dashed away and as i shut the door i laughed. very hard. because i was an idiot.
BUT HEY! the blood stain is still there you know, thats still a mystery i have yet to solve! haha no freaking WAY IN HELL am i going to sleep tonight love you all kiss kiss BUBYE!!!!!!!!

the death of a musical hero

so the sunday night RIGHT before my birthday (on monday) my dad and i were watching the news, for some reason, and suddenly my whole life was turned upside down. the lady started talking about the tuba man. and i was like "OMQ I LOOOOVE THE TUBA MAN HE IS SOOO COOL ISNT HE DAD??? HES SO AWESOME!!!! WE NEED TO SEE HIM AGAIN!!!!"
because see, i met the guy. i knew him.
we were coming out of the baseball stadium the night after school got out. we had seen the mariners vs. the marlins, and we lost to the marlins 9-3. ichiro didnt hit a SINGLE ball. and i mean, much as i hate baseball, i know some of who is who and a little of what is what. and as we were walking around catching some air (we had suite seats given to us for free by moms work) the tuba man was there, playing his tuba. i had seen the guy once before a looong time ago when my dad walked all the way to my moms work from the ferry one day but i didnt know who he was. over time i had heard about this guy. he sat outside the football and baseball stadiums (quest and safeco field) and he played his tuba all day long. he took requests; he knew basically EVERY song. he was such a smart guy. he was in his 50's of 60's i believe. he wasnt homeless, he had an appartment. but still, people gave him money, so he took it. and i mean, how cool is this guy that he PLAYS HIS TUBA ALL DAY LONG????? i mean seriously that is a GREAT WAY TO LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!!! the lived and breathed to play the tuba, and i live and breathe and to play the trombone (among other things). so you see, i could relate to the guy. ever since i had heard about the tuba man i had wanted to meet him. and finally i got the chance to. as usual there was a small crowd of people around him and i watched as the shouted out suggestions. somebody suggested "8 days a week" by the beatles and he played it. and he was good. it was a great feeling, to watch my role model in action. all i wanted was to actually meet him. and i sort of got to. i stayed there longer than the other people and suggested the simpsons theme song and he played it. i suggested the simpsons because it was one of the songs we played at our last band concert. and he played it almost like we did. we didnt have a tuba last year so i had no idea how the song sounded on tuba and i wanted to know. and i got to hear it. and it was so cool. so when he finished it i introduced myself. "hi, im lainey! im your biggest fan! you are totally awesome. i play trombone in our school band and i think its just about the funnest thing in the world!"
"Oh really? well its nice to meet you, lainey."
it looked like he was going to say something more but he got cut off by this little boy who tapped him on the shoulder and asked him if he could play happy birthday because it was his birthday. oh i didnt mind. i thought it was really cute. and the little boy was so adorable. then my dad dragged me out of there so we could get to the car. the game had went past 10:00pm and it was easily close to 10:45 now.
so there i sat so eager to hear about the tuba man.
but what i heard that night was just about the worst thing ever.
the tuba man, the always-happy-guy that i looked up to, my role model, guy who lived to play his tuba and bring joy to people, had been beaten to death by three teenagers. i didnt even listen to the rest of what they were saying. i just sort of sat there on the couch, staring at the tv screen, watching, but not really listening. i watched people lay flowers on his coffin. i watched a lot of people gather around his coffin and put flowers on it. a huge tenis ball became lodged in my throat and before i could stop myself i was crying. just one tear rolled down the side of my face. and i got up and left the room. in the safe confinds of my bedroom with the radio on full blast, out of earshot of the rest of the house, i collapsed on my bed and wept into my pillow. it soaked up my tears like a sponge. i cried harder than i had the night before. i cried harder than i had in a while. he was dead. the tuba man was dead. gone. and it killed me.

I Hate Mondays

i do. i really do. hate mondays, i mean. here is why. this is another email i sent to people who werent there at lunch today and missed out on all the action.

ok as caitlin put it so suttly i might add after school today I AM SCREWED. its as simple as that. ok maybe not simple, since nothing my life can be simple anymore, but here is what happens next.
so this morning i tell her "brandi, the reason he doesnt want to go out with you is because hes gay!"
"no hes not!" the she held up her hand nearly smacking me in the face and says "dont even"
which doesnt exactly make any sense but nonetheless thats what she said
and basically we just sort of walk along beside each other cause she was headed in the same place i was and we were in the commons so that basically ruined her whole "im an angry bitch dont mess with me" theme and then she start walking faster toward the gym and tripped and fell on her face and slid across the floor for about ten feet. well thats what i saw in my mind anyway. she just hurried along toward the gym. no fall *sob* that would have been hilarious. so i just keep walking to the band room to go and yap with caitlin and viviana and alex and stuff before i need to head to freeman.
so caitlin was origionally planning on sitting by fartdude at lucnh today and i was going to sit with her, but then we changed our minds cause boys are icky and spit their food when they eat cause they eat and talk at the same time and stuff like that. yeah.............
anyway. so when we finish eating we look over to see where he is and hes gone and shes like "he probably went to go get a cookie cause he always gets a cookie"
so we talk and blab for like ten minutes and he still isnt back so shes like "lets go look in the library!" so we go down to the library well we actually just make it three steps down before she looks up through the giant window and points out that "oh! hes playing ping pong! see? hes already there! lets go!" so we go to the ping pong things and stand there not really doing anything and just sort of goof off and joke around and stuff and brandi comes along all in a huff, looking like a redfaced raccoon with her thick eyeliner and bad facial complection.
"HES NOT GAY!!!" she screams at me. i look at her and laugh. i tried to hold it in but it was difficult. then caitlin whispered something in my ear that only made me start laughing really loud. so i brilliantly decide to tell brandi what i had just heard
"ok, he watches project runway, you cant get anymore gay than that!"
"whats project runway?"
so we explain to her what it is and she still refused to believe that he was gay
so caitlin whispered "just tell her hes already dating someone"
"ok, brandi the real reason he cant go out with you is because hes dating someone"
"who?"
"zack"
"yes but who is he dating?"
"who is he dating?" i whisper to caitlin
"you" she whispered
"you" i said. "i mean me" and i start laughing at my brainless word mistake
"WHAT???????????????????????" she screams
then i realized what ihad just said. a million and one words crossed my mind but none of them seamed fitting to use at a time like this. because no word could describe what i had just done. stupid, idiot, retard, dumbass, mother f***er (I put stars cause i dont like using that word on the computer it makes me feel nasty) i thought, but none were enough to describe what had happened. i didnt even think.
"yeah we didnt tell anyone cause im not supposed to date til im 18 hehehe *im gonna die*" the part in the stars is what i i mumbled under my breath. no one heard it.
she stood there staring at me
"your dating junior?" caitlin asked
"uh...." i wasnt even thinking at all right then the rest of what i said was my mouth trying to fix everything and failing miserably "yeah. didnt he tell you? huh. well yeah. we are. heheh....heh. uh...."
"no your not! i thought you were already dating somebody else" brandi said
i paused for a moment trying to think of who the hell she could be talking about.
"you mean will? no. im not, nor was i ever, dating will. at all. ever. hes just my friend and he hasnt even kept any sort of contact with me since like the day before school started"
"i dont believe you" she said
"its TRUE!!" it was. he hasnt replied to a single email, called me at all, or IMed me. we got into this HUGE fight the night before school started and he told me to just try and ignore him cause he didnt think i could do it so the last thing he said to me was "fine. ignore me." and so i did. and he hasnt bothered to fix things so neither will i. i dont really care tough.
"and i also dont believe your dating zack" brandi continued
"you dont? go ask him!" i said.
"yeah hes right there!" caitlin said pointing to him
"you know what? ill go get him!" i said feeling very panicked. i dart over to where he was standing. i had no idea what i was going to say but before i even had a chance to think about what to say the words sort of spilled out of my mouth. i told him breifly what had just happened and waited for him to freak out and ram himself through the giant window he was standing in front and fall to his sharp glassy death on the grass below. but he didnt. he stood there. i didnt even want to look at his face but then again i dont normally but this time was different (somehow) so i looked over to brandi and caitlin and everybody who were all staring at us i swear i was about ready to ram myself out the window. i cant remember what he said after that. i cant even remember if he said anything at all. i look back over my shoulder to where zack was but he was gone! i whip around to my left and there he is walking away and i shout "HEY! WERENT YOU JUST STANDING RIGHT THERE!!!" i point to where he had just been. "THATS NOT COOL MAN HOW DID YOU DO THAT!!!!" im not sure if i was trying to change the subject or if i was really boggled by how he suddenly gone from one side of me to the other without making a sound and without me noticing or anything. i think it was a little bit of both. then caitlin makes fun of me and stands on the side where he had been and jumps over to my left and asks me how she did it and i start laughing nervously.
and that was basically how it ended.
but science is when it really starts getting bad. why does everything bad always happen to me in science?
i sat down at our lab table and scott says "so lainey. hows the gay boyfriend?" dont ask. its a looooooooooooooong story that has nothing to do with what happened today. so i say my usual "fine. hows yours?" and says the usual "that would actually be funny if i didnt have a girlfriend."
and tatiana happened to be walking by then and he said "tatiana who is laineys boyfriend?"
and she just walks on by, stops at her lab group which is right behind ours and says "why should i tell you?" see, she knew i didnt have a boyfriend, she just plays along cause shes awesomely funny that way.
and hes like "tatiana, please. jsut tell me." and he has this look on his face like if she doesnt tell him he might die which was hilarious.
so i yank her over and stand up from my stool and whisper in her ear everything that happened at lunch. so scott and elias heard zacks name in there somewhere and the look on tatianas face was like "HOLY MOTHER EFFING SHIRT YOU DID WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
and i nod my head and she turns around goes to work on the lab with her group. so scot goes "your dating zack?"
and i try to explain to him what had happened but he was going to have none of it. it was too good an opportunity to pass up. "im going to tell everybody" he said eagerly anticipating what was going to happen to me when people found out was dating fartdude. i swear i saw my life flash before my eyes just then.
so some other people in science heard and i knew this because the were smiling wryly when i glanced over to them after scott said that i was dating zack. i was about ready to punch him in the face but i had better self control than that. unfortunately not enough to stop myself from telling brandi that i am going out with zack badzik. WHICH I AM NOT.
so after the bell at the end of the day rang i skipped out of the choir room and into the hallway right in front of where the eighth grade and seventh grade hallways split which is also where his locker is. but thats not why i was there. caitlin was there and we stopped to discuss some things mainly what happened in science and i felt it only necessary to tell him what happened so i could set him straight so that if scott really was telling the truth about how he would tell everyone, he would know that it wasnt me who was spreading lies about the two of us. so he and caitlin and i walk to the band room together and i tell him what happened in science and he doesnt say ANYTHING and he looks down all depressedlike and stuff and i feel really bad and all and i state this out loud to him that he looks really depressed and angry and he still doesnt say anything and caitlin says "lainey"
i turn to face her still walking between the two of them "hmm?"
"your screwed" she says with a laugh.
"I am." i say blankly.
she said something else and then we laughed and then i patted him on the back and said "thats the way to do it" even though i dont quite remember what it was exactly that we said just before that. as we rounded the corner caitlin says "now people have seen you talking and know your dating for sure" she laughed again.
"OH NO!" i shout fakely "now we'll have to hug!" we nearly fall over laughing at this. and the whole time he still hasnt said a word. i dont think. then i tell caitlin about the solo i have in jazz band and shes like "you have a solo? THAT MAKES YOU SEXI LAINEY!!!!" and we laugh some MORE and then he says stuff about how he could probably do a better improv for trombone solo on his sax. and then some stuff happened and mr waterkotte played a funny youtube clip of a guy on a bike running into a road sign that we had already watched today on band cause we had a funday. josh pointed thios out to me on our way to band and im like "WHA? but how did THAT happen! we dont have enough points for a FUNDAY!!!" and we never will, i thought to myself.
BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LISTEN TO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i was walking out of the school with caitlin toward the buses and brandi is standing there talking to people and i say "whats with the stink eye?" cause she gave me the look as i walked by her.
"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO GO AND RUIN MY LIFE!!!!" she whines
"EXUSE ME??? you cant get mad at me for the-" absolutely and completely fake "-TRUTH!"
that was actually kind of funny. her complaining about me ruining her life. cause i remember the way her life shattered before her eyes when she saw me ask zack out for her on friday. the aftermath was showing on her face as she watched me walk away with caitlin.
so yeah. that is howi have now become totally and utterly screwed.
i cant imagine that it could be much better for fartdude. SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best Lunch EVERRRRR (not really)

the following is an email i sent to people. it explains mostly everything that happened friday.

i am so tired of having to explain what happened to everyone individually so im just going to send a mass email explaining it all. while i am flattered that so many people were interested in where i was at lunch today or why i was sitting at a different table, its kind of a long story and its frustrating to have to recap it over and over and over and over again. so. here it is............................................(prepare to laugh)
so during third period band (right before lunch) ashley and i are talking and she says that brandi is going to ask zack out. yeah, thats right. BRANDI KINDRED is going to ask ZACK BADZIK out. seeing as how i happen to know both of these people better than most of the people at school (well.........i guess just brandi cause she for some reason tells everyone everything though nobody really cares) im like HOLY SHIRT I HAVE TO SEE THIS!!!! knowing that brandi (boy repellant) is going to ask zack (girl repellant) out is just about the best thing ever to watch other than the season premier of the office which i MISSED thursday night cause i was out on the town lololololol ANYWAY. so i get my food and go sit with caitlin and viviana and allison and ashley and alex and maddy and jessica etc and this is after i completely forget about the whole situation at hand. even though i had made this huge deal out of it in band i was almost fell on my face i was laughing so hard at the utter humiliation both of them were going to experience (he would be humiliated from having someone like brandi ask him out-after freaking out about the thought of a girl liking him which as we all know is not humanly possible in this dimention-and she would be when he told her no-because obviously he wouldnt say yes) and believe it or not cause i never thought i would say this about heartdude but im like "damn hes wayyy to good for her!" which is basically saying that brandi is as low as you can get. and ashleys like "I AGREE!!!!!!!" so i sit down and ashley reminds me of brandis plans for zack (big house, white picket fence, three kids, pony in the back yard etc LOLOLOLOL) and caitlin and i freak out and go "WHERE IS HE?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!" and we look around for him all the while trying not to faint from laughing so hard and we spot him and then were like but where is brandi? and we look around for her and find her and shes sitting at the table behind him. and then ashley and i go through the hes too good for her thing again. so then he starts walking toward our table and dont realize this until i think it was caitlin mentioned this to me and shes like "go stop him go stop him!" he gets closer. "but i cant talk to guys i dont know without sounding like retard!!!" twenty feet away "NOOO!!! YOUR GOOD AT TALKING TO BOYS!! GO DO IT!!" ten feet away "NO caitlin you know him better you go do it! you are the one who knows what to say!" five feet "HES RIGHT THERE JUST DO IT!" i jump up from the table injuring my knee in the process and leap in front of him and hold out my hand and go "STOP!!!!!!!!!!! YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO YOUR SEAT RIGHT NOW!!! GO!! GO SIT DOWN!!!"
"uhhhhhh no"
"NO SERIOUSLY YOU NEED TO GO SIT BACK DOWN RIGHT NOW CAUSE SOMETHING Is GOIN TO HAPPEN!"
"no"
"WHY NOT?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?"
"i have to go to the restroom"
".........................................................................................................................oh..............................ok....................by all means.............................go................."
i slowly walk back to the table my eyes wide and laughter bubbling in my throat and the second my butt hit the bench i burst with laughter and they aske me what he said and i tell them and they laugh and then again because i wasnt paying attention they go there he is right behind you!" so i whip around to face him and then we all get into this conversation about how he already knows and that somebody told him but he wouldnt tell us who. then he walks away to go get a cookie or something. so catilins liek "we should go sit by him!" and im like "yeah!" and then we swtart going but she goes "wait how do we know shes going to do it today? how do we know shes going to do it at lunch?" so im like "hmmm that does present a problem" so i look over to brandi who looked like she was trying to figure out how to sit down on the bench but was having issues with it while simultaneously taling to people who hate her, hmmm, im thinking maybe its a little too much for her to achive all in one minute. i guess shes not good at multitasking. so i usher her to our table to ask her when shes doing it and she says "hopefully today" and i say when and she says "right now or as soon as possible im going to go sit by him right nowbla bla bal blab alb" so im like "CAITLIN COME ON LETS GO!!!" so we dash over to the opposite end of the commons to where she is now sitting across from him yapping her head off (well at least thats what it looked like she was doing) with this look on her face like "lalalalala every boy in the world is madly in love with me cause i am so pretty and perfect and smart and magical and totally hotter than the girls that guys drool over in magazines and so much hotter than the ret of the girls at our school and every boy wants to date meeeeeeeeee!!!!" even her mom agrees that that is what she thinks all the time. that every boy is in love with her i mean. so i sit on the right sid of him and caitlins sits on his left and we sit there looking at brandi with these smug looks on our faces (well thats what i was doing i couldnt really see caitlin all that well) and brandi is all pissed at us and is like "what are you guys doing here?"
"noooooooothin"and we sit there for the longest time until he gets up and then we get up and he goes to play ping pong so we follow him making sure brandi follow him but surely, she did.
"OH HIS DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE! a group of girls following him everywhere!" caitlin said and once again i almost fell over laughing.so she stands there lecturing us about random crap that i cant remember cause i didnt really care i was too busy laughing. so you guys get it right? basically what cailin and i were doing was stopping brandi from making another mistake and in a way humiliating and yet sparing humiliation for zack. so finally after i couldnt take her blalblbalba,labalbalbaling anymore i say "when are you going to ask him out?""I DONT KNOW! RIGHT NOW IF YOU GUYS LEAVE!"
so im thinking hmmmmm this could be really funny if we do leave and hear about it later BUT i would much rather get front row seats to the action BUT shes not gonna do it if we are here which is sort of what we want to happen is stop her from asking him out and watch her suffer through not being able to BUT in that moment i made a split second decision that was totally unpredictable judging by the way things were headed. i side step over to him and go "ZACK!!! will you go out with brandi?" silence from everyone in the audience. he shuttered, blinked a few times, shook his head and went "n-n-no. NO. nonnoonononononononono. NOOO"
i turn around to face the group and saw wide eyes among everyone. caitlin and i sart giggling and then some garbling from brandi about asking people out garblegarlbegarble and im like "SCREW IT! ITS DONE! YOU KNOW WHAT? IF YOU WANT TO ASK HIM OUIT YOURSELF GO AHEAD HES RIGHT THERE! BUT IF YOU DONT STOP WHINING I SWEAR I AM GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!" ok that last sentence i thought. i dint really say that. i may be stupid enough to spontaneously follow people around and ask them out for other people, but i know better than to threaten someone with something as lame as that. anyway so we do some more arguing and she does some more lecturing and then when the bell rings we follow him (caitlin and me) and then he tells us how thats the second time in his LIFE that he has said a single word to her i9n person. they email each other so thats how she knows him. so i follow him to his locker and go "ok im no expert but dont you think you should to a person more than twice in your life before you ask them out?"
and he said something like yeah or exactly but i cant quite remember.
anyway
hope that cleared things up for you all. and i hope you all laughed. so........TAADAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
the end

No Sunlight

todays song is "No Sunlight" by Death Cab For Cutie. i love this song. mostly because it describes me. well, whats left of me anyway. no more optimist inside of me is what i mean. well there is an optimist, just not a brain. in any case, it is my lack of brain that has killed my optimist, so i am feeling rather..........confused.........and sad..............and confused..................and frustrated..............and did i mention that i was confused? i always am, but i dont think i have ever been THIS confused before.

When I was young, lying in the grass
I felt so safe in a warming bath
Of sunlight
Of sunlight
Fast open sky could do no harm
Like an embrace of a mothers armsIn sunlight
With every year that came to pass
More clouds appear until the sky went black
And now there'sNo sunlight,No sunlight.
And now there's
No sunlight,
No sunlight anymore.
You dissapeared with the same speed
The idealistic things i believed
The optimist died inside of me
No sunlight
You dissapeared with the same speed
The idealistic thing i believed
The optimist died inside of me
No sunlight
No sunlight anymore.

How can hobbits stand running around with bare feet?

this is the next part in the story right after the ground dissapears from beneath her feet.


A second later my feet connected with a hard rigid surface. Stairs? I felt an arm around my waist as I slipped and stumbled down a short set of stairs. The hand Cristiano had been pulling me along with moved to hold my hand tightly as he guided me slowly down the steps.
"You can open your eyes now," he laughed.
I opened one and then the other. He was right. A dark rain cloud had passed in front of the sun and a chill swept over me. My eyelids were starting to hurt from being squeezed shut so tightly. Something popped under my left foot and pain swelled in my ankle. I had twisted it somehow. I looked down and saw the three-inch heel of my stiletto laying on the step above where I had stopped.
"Shoot!" I said, pouting. Cristiano laughed. I bent over to pick it up but he pulled me back and said, "There’s no time for that we need to hurry!"
I still wasn’t sure why we were running but I trusted him and wobbled down the rest of the steps.
We reached the bottom of the stairs and he let go of my waist and started pumping his legs faster again. I tried to keep up but it’s difficult to run when one of your legs is longer than the other. I stopped abruptly and bent down to fiddle with the buckle on the side of my heel.
"What are you doing?" he asked in a shaky voice.
"I’m sorry but I can’t run like this." I slipped one shoe off and moved to unbuckle the other when the door at the top of the steps swung open. The other shoe slipped right off and Cristiano tugged on the hand he held. Quite forcefully, I might add. A split second before I turned to follow him again two men in dark suits and black rimmed sunglasses stumbled out onto the top of the concrete steps.
"RUN!" Cristiano shouted. I ran. Because that’s all could figure out how to do I was so struck with fear. I couldn’t believe I was leaving my $85 black stilettos in the middle of a parking lot. One of the mystery men was bald and big. Not fat, but muscular. The other weirdo was tall and gangly with dark hair slicked back into a short ponytail. His glasses were circular and he reminded me a lot of Ringo Star.
We crossed the small parking lot and climbed up a short grassy hill with a white sidewalk running through the top of it into a cluster of Cedars and Douglas Firs. We followed the sidewalk past some cream and olive colored apartments on the left. The trees thinned out significantly and to the right I could see the top of the huge Safeway store down the hill. Its entrances faced us and we zipped past the right side of the store, steam rising out of steel chimneys where the bakery and Chinese Express were. I knew what was ahead.
"I know where to go!" I said sprinting ahead of him. The cold cement scraped beneath my bare feet and twigs and rocks slid and stabbed. Cristiano still held my wrist and tried to keep. Ignoring the immense pain in my feet I raced against the pounding footfalls sounding only yards away. They were gaining on us. The sidewalk ended at the base of a thin driveway that ran between two long strips of garages then curved around the end of the left strip. Above the garages were more olive and cream colored apartments. The black pavement was dusty and small pebbles dug into my feet.
A car rounded the corner from the left and it was heading straight at us. I darted to the right, Cristiano following close behind, into the garage. The car passed us and turned into the left garage and stopped. It hadn’t been going very fast in the first place. It was a silver-green Toyota Camery. Cristiano dropped my wrist and a second later the two thugs emerged from the darkly lit, tree-lined sidewalk and onto the black pavement.
"GO, GO, GO!" I shrieked my voice shrill with panic. I heard a grunting noise push past Cristiano’s lips as he staggered into a full on run for life. I followed behind but caught up once again and easily passed him, making sure he stayed within five feet of me at all times. At the end of the short drive were some white cement stairs. Scattered all about the stairs were dark wood chips. As if my feet weren’t scraped up enough already, now I would have to spend a lifetime pulling splinters out of them. Cristiano, noticing me slow down as we reached the stairs, swooped me up from behind and carried me up the stairs. His warm embrace was so reassuring to feel at time of total distress such as running for your life from the iron giant and his evil accomplice, Ringo Star. His strong muscles rippled around my body and I remembered back to last night, as he held me in mid air, kissing me sweetly. A smile bloomed across my face, but was instantly washed away by the sound of gunshots. A scream bubbled in my throat and exploded from me like a bomb.
"Stop!" I heard from behind us. Cristiano didn’t dare stop as he kept climbing the stairs to get to the top where it would hopefully be safe. "Don’t go any further!" Yeah right. I would much rather live to see another day with all my body members in tact (except my feet that was an inescapable fact I realized as I looked at them flopping in the air, covered in black and swelling with pain) than be kidnapped by two scary men with guns so they could do who knows what to me.
We reached the top of the stairs. To the left was the patio of one of the olive apartments where a man was standing shaking a huge blue tarp.
"Turn right!" I shouted, pointing a finger at a gap in wooden picket fence. Beyond the fence was a line of stepping stones that led through a small garden of tiny purple-leafed bushes. Cristiano set me down gently on my feet as he stepped out into the parking lot of the library. It wasn’t tremendously huge, nor was it strikingly small. About the size of a fast-food parking lot. I didn’t even think to use the sidewalk I was so intent on saving our skins. Picking up speed, I dashed across the almost empty parking lot to the door of the library and thrust it open. The smooth tile on the floor of the first entrance felt like heaven to my battered, frozen toes. The carpet inside the actual library was about a hundred times better! Finally, something soft to step on. I let out an unexpected sigh and scampered across the floor toward the Adult Fiction section on the right. I examined myself to see how much damage had been done. My $30 black, gray and white argyle sweater had a gash on the right sleeve that I could easily slip my hand through. I mush have snagged it on a tree branch or something. The bottoms of my gray khakis were all worn and laced with mud and black dust. The seams on both legs had been ripped open, probably from the way they dragged and how they kept getting pulled under my heels as I ran. Now for the major disaster…my feet. I leaned against a bookcase and lifted my right foot and held my ankle with both hands, staring down at the worst mess I’ve seen all day. My pedicure was completely ruined, that goes without saying. The ends of my toenails were rigid and black. My toes were black as well, but also had fine white lines oozing with a thick red liquid. Blood. Same for the rest of my foot and the left foot as well. My feet were so numb now I couldn’t even feel the pain, which I guess was a good thing. I wondered how Cristiano had held up. Then it hit me. Where had he gone? I had basically shut the rest of the world out the second my feet had hit that warm carpet. Did anyone come in behind me? Where were the two creepers in suits? They could very well have been watching me right then and I peered over the tops of the books to the section to left of mine. Empty.
It was that a cold hand rested on my shoulder, striking my heart dead with fear. I couldn’t even tell if it was beating anymore. I don’t even think I was breathing. I didn’t want to turn around, but something deep inside me urged to. I turned and faced the figure that had now dropped the cold hand that gripped my heart with fear and a gasp blew past my lips and drums pounded inside my ears. No, that would be heart kicking in again.

Adia?

todays song is "Adia" by sarah mclachlan. seriously. who names there kid Adia? i mean really. what does it even mean? does it mean anything? cause when she sings it doesnt even sound like shes saying anything. it sounds like gibberish. i love the song, im just saying that whoever named their BOY adia must have been drunk or something. and he probably wants to kill ms mclachlan for making his name known worldwide. again, im just saying....

A Reuinion Cut Short

ok now this is what i had rewrite because the stupid maid at our hotel stole my mp3 player with this BRILLIANT action car chase adventure scene in it.


I pulled the edge of my sleeve back to look at my watch. 10:56am it read. He was late. 56 minutes late to be exact. I had been sitting there for almost an hour listening to the hum of voices. Ah, my remedy for almost all my problems. I have always found listening to conversations to be quite comforting, though no one could ever figure out why. Eavesdropping has become a second nature to me ever since I started grade school. I was the sports columnist then, too. For our school paper, I mean. I covered the behind the scenes stuff like which athlete was going out with which cheerleader and if they thought they were going to win how they balance homework and football etc. My looks got me far I guess cause I’m doing basically the same thing I was doing in high school. I mean, considering how I got my job then, and how I got it now…well, at least I have an attractive manager, which makes flirting with him much easier. He almost chose my rival, Stan Peters, but fortunately I won over the job with my witty charm. I had to call in sick today and the editor put somebody else on the job of the Cristiano Ronaldo story for the magazine.
I spent several minutes sidetracked by trying to understand how my life all of a sudden became so complicated. It was like I was in high school again. Romance, drama, work, soccer, boys, it was coming together into a plethora of emotions and thoughts battling around inside me like the ongoing war in Iraq. One side rising above the other like an exhausted land ripped plowed apart left to desert ruins. I was reliving high school five years after I thought I would never have to deal with it again.
I meet a hot dude who tells me he loves me and all of a sudden I’m tripping over myself to gather my life back together while simultaneously trying not to look like a complete dork. Is there some sort of second puberty they forgot to teach us in biology?
Feeling as though I had been contemplating these issues for hours I checked my watch again. 11:13am. He was an hour and 13 minutes late. Although, I had spent most of that time remembering the way it felt to be in his arms, to kiss his lips, and only his. No other man has ever made me feel the way Cristiano does. Because no other man ever could. And all we’ve done is kiss. He could keep me here all day and I wouldn’t mind. Well, I’d mind a little, seeing as how there’s nothing better to do than try to figure out my own life. Which, right now, was so complicated I didn’t really want to figure it out.
"Dude, that goal Ronaldo scored was magnificent!" someone behind me said. I whipped my head around to look at the source of the all too familiar and friendly voice that spoke these playful words.
"They caught you on camera staring longingly at him from the sidelines," Leslie, my best friend said. I felt like crying I was so happy to see a familiar face. Especially the face of someone who has been away in Australia for the past six months. Her father is from the UK and leads a crew who have successfully struck oil several times and mother is a former super model from Italy so Leslie can basically do whatever and go wherever she wants.
"I can’t believe you’re here!" I said leaping up out of the chair. I already felt better from the bone crushing accident the night before. I guess its because I had such a great start to my morning. This was just icing the get-well cake! She pulled me in for a long-awaited hug. We leaned away to look at each other. Her long, light brown hair fell around her shoulders in thick layered curls. Her coral lips were curled up into a wry smile and her long eyelashes batted over her deep blue eyes.
"Chives said you were ‘out and about downtown’ and I decided to come and see if I could find you!" she said, her smile broadening. Everything is a game to Leslie.
"I figured this was the best place to look," she continued, her eyes examining the inside of the small coffee shop. "Since this is where you always are. I mean, when you’re not at the games." She gave me a devilish grin and winked softly. "I remember coming here every morning before school to get peppermint hot chocolates. We’d sit right there," she extended a finger in the direction of the table I was just sitting at. "And we’d talk about everything while just sipping away." Her voice trailed off then and a dazed look glazed over her eyes.
"That’s one of my fondest memories," I said, transitioning into flashback mode.
"Mine too," Bonnie said, still dazed.
The bells dangling from the inside of the door soon broke our Kodak moment. The emphatic jingling rang inside my ears and I noticed the astonished look on Leslie’s face. Her eyes were wide and it looked like she was trying to say something but couldn’t quite get the words out. I spun on my heel to face the intruder but instead of some frightening character my gaze fell upon the sight if Cristiano dashing towards us. His gray workout T hugged his torso in all the right places showing off his gorgeous flexing muscles. The scent of espresso was the perfect ally to his perfect body. As he sprinted between the tables and chairs I could see that his expression was that of panic.
He reached out and took my wrist by a tight grip.
"Is that…?" Leslie’s eyes darted from me to Cristiano several times like she was trying to make some kind of connection. I nodded a mix of confused expressions on my face.
"We need to go now, quarida," Cristiano ordered. Something about his tone told me not to ask questions. "They’ve found me."
What? Who? Is he in danger? My stomach lurched at the though of his life possibly being in danger. What was going on? I didn’t think it was possible to feel anymore overwhelmed with confusion than I did before but all of a sudden my brain was doing flips trying to figure things out. Trying to remember back to the game, the car ride, the ferry, the house, who could be a potential threat? Fans maybe?
He yanked me behind him as he continued to jog toward the open back door that lied in a straight line ahead of us.
"You didn’t," Leslie said, still staring at me in awe. I noticed the look on her face and instantly knew what she meant. She though I did Ronaldo. And that’s what I thought this morning when I realized I had no pants on. I shook my head, feeling oddly disappointed by the situation. Is that what I wanted to do last night when he kissed me?
"I’ll call you later!" I shouted to her as we dodged the tables and people and chairs. We passed through the small hallway and Bonnie disappeared out of sight.
Sunlight blinded me and I squinted tightly. This was a drastic change from the dim lighting of the Mudd Puddle Coffee shop. I heard the door shut behind me and put my free arm out to feel around to make sure I didn’t run into anything. My fingers brushed against the metal railing and I slid them along the bar. The railing suddenly disappeared from beneath my fingers and before I could stop myself from stepping out any further the ground disappeared, too.

No pants on me, baby!

ok this is the part i wrote. you know the under the title about zues? the last paragraph is what madi wrote. the stuff after ronaldo says he'll call her on the telephono. about the finding of love and the kiss and all that. its probably the funniest part ofthe whole story though, youll see what i mean when you read it.
I awoke the next morning to the sight of Chives puttering around in the hallway. I was in my bed. How did I get here? Cristiano must have carried me into my room last night after…"Chives!" I hollered.
"Coming, Madame!" he hollered back in his British accent.Just another one-night-stand, I thought to myself. Except I didn’t remember anything after he fell one me. Was it a one-night-stand? He probably got bored with my clumsiness and left for Manchester early. Anything to get away from me, the world’s biggest klutz when it comes to…well…him. Just him. I had never humiliated myself in font of any guy the way I screwed up my life last night.
"Yes, Madame?" Chives asked when he arrived at my bedside. I looked over at the clock on my nightstand. I had about an hour before I needed to leave for work, which meant I had less than an hour to write up a review of "My Dinner With Ronaldo" which was, I decided, going to be the title of my piece in the sports section. Of course, it would be nothing like what happened last night. Mainly because I couldn’t remember what had happened last night.
"Mr. Ronaldo boarded his flight safely, I presume?" I asked rolling onto my back.
"What you make for breakfast?" a deep voice hollered from the bathroom to the left of my bead. I rolled all the way over to see a black pants suit lain out to left of me on my bed.
Chives smiled. "Actually, Madame, he lay beside you all night to make sure you were alright. He had to give you mouth-to-mouth, but eventually you started breathing. You never woke up, though."
OH MY GOD! He cared! He cared enough to make sure I was alive! And he gave me the kiss of life! What’s more romantic than that? Probably a lot of things. But for now, it was the next best thing. Cristiano’s lean, muscular body stepped through the bathroom door, steam rising off of his skin. With his short is short hair sticking straight up, still wet from his shower, and one of my guest towels wrapped around his waist, he looked even hotter than he did last night. I could have jumped on him and started kissing him all over. I moved to do get up, but searing pain shot through my chest, and it felt like a hippo was laying on me.
"Good morning, quarida," he said, darting over to the bed. The steam coming out of the bathroom could have passed for clouds because you know what he looked like? A Greek God. Not just any Greek God, but Zeus, the king of the Gods.I was speechless. I couldn’t bear this hippopotamus of a chest ache any longer and instantly fell back onto the bed.
"Not feeling better?" he asked, sitting down on the bed next to me. He stroked my forehead with the backs of his fingers, brushing against my hair. "Ronaldo make pretty girl feel better."
For a second I thought it was me mind reviewing those words again, but no! He had actually said them! Hold on. Where was he going with this?
"If you can move today," he said, smiling. "You must go on date with me."
My heart nearly broke free from my chest at the thought of spending another day with him, it was beating so fast.
"Oh," I said remembering one tiny problem. "I wouldn’t want you to miss your flight, though."
"I’ll worry about flying later," he said matter-of-factly. "Today I spend time making pretty broken girl better."Yay! I wanted to leap up and sing, I was so happy! But if I did, Cristiano would probably have hit me over the head with a frying pan and told me shut up. Then leave for Manchester and forget all about our date. I wouldn't have been able to leap anyway, let alone even stand up.
"What time works best for you?" he asked.
"Anytime," I said, forgetting completely about work.
"Good," he said with a devilish grin. "I call you then. On the telephono."
I grinned and reached down to pull out a piece of scratch paper from my pocket but as you can imagine its not easy getting something from your pants pocket when your pants aren’t on. I felt bare skin. Just mine, no pants on me baby! Ronaldo smiled sheepishly and Chives turned red as a tomato and left the room. "Um, where are my pants?" I asked, trying to keep from screaming with embarrassment and pleasure and romance all at the same time. "You were in really bad shape last night and I didn’t want you to get over heated so I took them off for you." Cristiano told me this like he was telling me the weather. "I took you outside, Quarida. You were sweating and I thought you would catch a fever. I am sorry." Sorry? Sorry? Dang fool that was the most romantic thing I had heard all day! It even outdid the kiss of life! I smiled. "You did that for me?" he looked back, clearly knowing now that he was forgiven. "Yes, I was worried about you and you know what? I think I love you." He said folding his arms across his wet and bare chest. Love? LOVE??? OMG THIS WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE! He loved me. he said it! Surly I must be dreaming. I pinched my leg under the covers, ouch! Uh, yeah this is no dream! Cristiano must have spotted me pinching myself because he smiled. "You think this is a dream too?" he asked. "Yeah." I replied, nodding and smiling. "You aren’t the only one." My smile broadened and I sat up, ignoring the pain in my chest and I swung my arms around him and we kissed. A kiss almost as good as the first one, but this kiss had an explanation, it defined something. It defined the finding of love.

madi came up to me during math the after she sent the story with that paragraph in it to me and sat down in the empty seet at the table group next to me and said something about the story but i cant remember what. then she said "yeah," and started to read from the pages she had printed off her computer the night before. "I grinned and reached down to pull out a piece of scratch paper from my pocket but as you can imagine its not easy getting something from your pants pocket when your pants aren’t on!" i nearly peed my pants at that it was so funny.

Possible Romanticism

this is ronaldo taking action when the love of his life faints on him. romantic, huh?

This was bad. The hottest girl I had ever met or loved was unconscious in my arms. I always thought something like this was romantic, but this was far from it. The butler had gone back to the kitchen and must have heard the noise because he came running onto the balcony, red faced. "Lay her down on the floor." He said. All of a sudden I remembered the CPR training I had taken at the beginning of the summer. At the time I had blown them off as a stupid idea but when the love of your life is lying knocked out on the balcony of her house, it seems like a good idea. I was still collecting myself from our kiss. She had fainted. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? When I give girls kisses in the past they either got into it and we took it somewhere else or the screamed and then we took it somewhere else. They had never fainted before. I leaned down and placed my lips in hers. I help her nose shut and breathed into her mouth.
You know its bad to be performing CPR in the first place but if it’s the fifth time you’ve tried and she’s still not breathing its gone from bad to worse. After the sixth attempt, I heard her gasp. Her eyelids fluttered open for a moment then her eyes closed again. At least she was breathing. I knew that if it took at least five tries to get her to breathe then it was going to be a long night. I looked at the butler "Should we take her to bed?’ I asked, looking up. He nodded his head and stood up. I bent down and picked Maddy up. She was fairly light but I was worried about hitting her head into something on the way up. Chives helped me maneuver her through the doorway into the house, up the stairs, down a hallway and into a large bedroom. Even though the room was on the second floor, I figures the house had been built on a hill because the beach was right outside her door. She had a large bed with fine satin sheets. There was a black and white chair in the corner, similar too one I had at home. The huge French doors opened up to a stunning view of the beach, then the city. The lights twinkled and for a second I grew homesick. Maddy muttered something under her breath and I looked down. She was still asleep but breathing. I laid her down on her bed, her long brown hair cascading over the pillows. I looked up at Chives. "I can take it from here, I think she’s going to be all right." Chives nodded, wished me a good night and left the room, gently closing the door behind him. I looked down at Maddy. Her brow was sweaty. She must be hot in that long sleeve shirt and those thick pants. Oh dear. I was suddenly tempted to help her by taking them off for her and then tucking her in and trying to convince her that she had done it herself and she just didn’t remember. I then considered leaving them on and taking the chance of her getting over heated. I went with plan A. I first opened the huge French doors, letting a cool summer breeze drift in, ruffling Maddy’s hair gently. I walked over too her. She had not moved, but her chest was rising and falling steadily. At least she was breathing. I reached down and started unbuttoning her shirt, careful not to wake her. I let the fabric flutter open on its own and reached down to unbutton her pants (I might add that I don’t usually undress unconscious girls but this one needed help). She was wearing a matching bra and panty set. Unfortunately, both were quite skimpy. Ok, very skimpy. I had never seen a lower cut pair of underwear in my life. I carefully turned down the sheets on the opposite side of the bed. I lifted her off the comforter and placed her on the satin sheets. She sank into the pillows and stirred but did not wake. I carefully folded the top sheet over her torso and then turned to survey the situation. Chives had brought my duffel into the room already. I had no clue why he thought I would be staying, let alone in Maddy’s room. I walked over to door, tasting the salty air. Fresh air would do her good. I thought, looking back to where Maddy lay on her bed. She looked so peaceful but her brow still had a small bead of sweat. I walked back through the door, took the top sheet off the bed and walked outside. I lay the sheet down on the lawn just outside her window. I could hear the waves crashing against the sandy shores of the beach. Walking back towards the bed, I removed my own shirt, I had worked up a sweat lifting Maddy and I never really had a chance to cool off after the game. I lifted Maddy up. Her skin was soft against mine, and my heart quickened. She was so beautiful, even when she was unconscious. I carried her out too the sheet and laid her down once again on the soft grass. The sound of the ocean and of the breeze rustling the tree branches was perfect. I lay down next to her, feeling her soft skin. As the breeze picked up and rustled the branches again, Maddy shivered. I wrapped my arms around her and held her. Hoping she would be OK. Her eyelids fluttered open and she looked at me. "Its all right Quarida, I am here." I whispered. And for the first time, I really meant it from the bottom of my heart

A Dance, an Interview, and a Kiss

here's where what i first wrote comes in. see if you can tell where madi changed ronaldos words around a little.

His impenetrable gaze caught me like fly in a spider web. He would be leaving soon to go back to Manchester, and I knew I had to make his every last minute here in Seattle memorable. I didn’t want him getting the wrong ideas about the people who live here."W-why-" This was bad. I couldn’t even talk. What kind of guy wants a girl who can’t even speak her own language? "Why don’t we…" I could hardly think, his gaze was so powerful. My body was lost just in his dark eyes, like I was sinking into a peat bog, and would soon be stuck there forever, encased in mud and slime, unable to escape, to move. Just sinking deeper and deeper…"Maddy," his accent made every bone in my body melt, and my spine gave out, causing me to fall back against my chair to keep me from falling against the table and slamming my face into my plate of spaghetti. But I can’t do that. I am a professional sports journalist, interviewing a visiting professional star athlete after his big win. What kind of retard would slam her face into her food during an interview dinner? We are two professionals, therefore, we must keep things professional between us."Why don’t I put some music on?" he asked, smiling lightly. I couldn’t help giggling a little and nodding my head. Oh, yes, very professional. If only I could speak fluent Spanish. No. This was wrong. What kind of interview would make suggestions toward possible romanticism? Professional, I kept telling myself, but it was so hard to keep things professional with the sound of acoustic guitars and the soft touch violins swimming around together in perfect harmony inside my ears."So," I said sitting up feeling the table for my notebook and pen. His hand moved and I watched it surround something underneath the side of my plate that faced him. The black notebook was very small and fit in his large hand perfectly. He handed it to me and I took it from him, smiling, noticing how small my hands were compared to his."Thank you," I said, opening up the notebook and unhooking the pen from the spiral binding. I needed to speed into this interview before I lost my head. "So," I said again, a little uneasy."Dance, would you like to?" he asked me as he stood up."Uh…" I wasn’t sure how to respond. Of course I wanted to dance with him, but I NEEDED to…screw professionalism! I scooted my chair back as I rose to my feet."Sure," I said, smiling and looking up at him from beneath my eyelashes. "One problem. I have no idea how to dance." This was a total lie. I took ballroom dancing lessons all through high school, and I knew very well how to tango."Fix that I can." My smile broadened as I made a connection to Yoda. The way he spoke reminded me so much of Yoda I almost started laughing. "I take American dance slow lessons." Oh, great. "Give me your hands."I laid them out in front of me, probably looking like a total idiot. Those big hands took mine in their grasp, swallowing them whole. He threw them over his broad shoulders and I hooked my fingers together. Something brushed both sides of my waist and I looked down. His hands were resting around my waist, sending pulses of heat through my whole body. Our bodies swayed to the beat of the music. I couldn’t believe it. I was slow dancing with Cristiano Ronaldo, Manchester’s best football player. Then I remembered his girlfriend. My stomach lurched and my mouth went dry. She is so beautiful and so nice, I met her once-at one of the shows she modeled on-when I was touring Europe with my friend, Bonnie.I looked up and was captured in his gaze again."What is wrong?" he asked, noticing the panic on my face. It isn’t cheating if you don’t kiss, right? Besides, why would he want to cheat on his super model girlfriend with some sub-par Yankee sports journalist?"Nothing," I said, banishing all thoughts of his girlfriend and putting on a fake smile."You lie to me," he said, looking down at me, straightening his expression. "Something is very wrong with you."Something IS wrong with me. I was dancing, not interviewing, and only had the rest of the night to interview him before he left tomorrow morning to go home, back to…Manchester…so far away."I’ll make the pretty girl feel better." He said, winking and smiling softly as he did. A chuckle sneaked past my lips. He stopped moving, so I did, too. Why did he stop? The sound of the ocean lapping the shore beneath the balcony drowned out the sound of the music and beyond him I could see the moon, surrounded by a vast universe of stars; the very sight of the starry background against his face made my knees give out. I started to fall and grabbed his shoulders tightly to keep from falling on my butt but my harms gave out, too. My waist was slipping through his grasp, and I squeezed my eyes shut, preparing for the worst.I felt a hand on my back and an arm around my shoulders, supporting my neck. I wasn’t on the ground. My eyelids fluttered open to see his face, just centimeters from mine. The arm under my neck pulled me in, our faces getting dangerously closer when all of a sudden his lips were on mine and a sensation like none I have ever felt before rushed through my body, sending chills up my spine. All my senses were awakened, his touch, his warmth, his scent-musty cologne that tingled inside my nose-the way his muscles rippled around my body. It was then the butler walked out onto the balcony.
And walked right back into the house through the sliding glass door.Cristiano stopped kissing me and pulled me back up onto feet."I’m sorry quarida," he said, obviously noticing the faint expression on my face. WAIT. Quarida? Doesn’t that mean dearest one? I may not speak fluent Spanish, but Bonnie’s husband who happens to be Mexican, calls her "quarida". Why was he calling ME dearest one? I’d only known him since before the game today! Maybe he just calls everybody "dearest one".He took two steps back to the table and sat down in his chair. I joined him at the table. My lips still tingled from our kiss. My brain still tingled from trying to comprehend why he kissed me. I’ll make the pretty girl feel better. Was he just playing with me? Does he kiss all of his friends back in Manchester? Except that…our kiss lasted at LEAST 20 seconds…Oh WHY couldn’t I just accept that he found me attractive and forget about it? I mean, a lot of guys find me attractive. And I’ve had more than my fair share of one-night-stands. Oh. That’s right. I couldn’t forget about it because normally every time I kiss a guy it LEADS to a one-night-stand. So why did I expect he would want to…?JESUS HE WAS RIGHT! There is DEFINITELY something wrong with me! Alright. PROFESSIONAL. Time to engage in professional sequence. "He tell them I kiss you," he said."What?" What did he say?"The pretty-clothing-man will tell them I kissed you." He said, nodding toward the door where the butler was watching us from the other side."Who, Chives?" I asked. Chives. What a typical name for a butler. But seriously. Who names their kid after a vegetable?"Fine." He said, folding his arms and smiling. "The onion man. He’ll them.""Oh, no." I said with a worried laugh. "He wouldn’t tell a soul.""I am sorry, quarida, I must go," he said, standing up."Oh, no," I whispered under my breath. "Please don’t go!" I shouted as I stood up. "You could get me fired!"He whipped his head around to look at me. Slowly he walked back toward me. His arm came up and he put a hand on my arm."you lose your job?" he asked.He looked genuinely worried like he had hurt me, which caused me to start worrying too. I knew that if he kept turning me on like this I would take advantage of him and all would be lost. Not only would I get fired tomorrow, I would be heartbroken when he left. Which is odd, considering how many men have left me in my time. Just another one-night-stand.Besides, his girlfriend would be missing him. And she’s a hell of a lot prettier than I am. She also has a lot more to offer him, with her career in modeling, so he’s probably going to be sticking with her for along time. Not that he needs more money. I mean, he’s a freaking star athlete, he gets paid all the money in the world."Uh," I said, searching for the right words. "No. I’m sorry." I stepped forward. "I just-" my foot got caught behind the leg of the chair and I started to fall forward. It was too late for him to catch me, I knew. As I was falling it was like was like my brain grew wings and flew out of my skull and floated in mid air, watching me fall on my face. In the back of my mind I could see Cristiano standing there not moving a muscle going "Oh, look. Another retarded American girl falling and busting up her face. Sigh. Nothing new, I see those all the time."But he didn’t. I hit the ground and rolled over onto my back in time to see his foot get stuck behind a bump in the wood planks of the deck floor as he was dashing to my rescue. His massive muscular body hurtled down on top of mine before I had time to even THINK of rolling out of the way. I did however have time to snap my eyes shut quicker than you could shoot a gun. I could hardly breathe. I opened my eyes and tried to look around for Chives. I tried calling his name, but I couldn’t even scream. It sounded more like a wheezy whiney dog than a human being crying for help. I started seeing stars, then realized I was looking at the sky. Then I heard a sniffing sound next to my ear. Was he crying? No. He was smelling me. My hair, to be exact. But…why? Like a boa constrictor he squeezed me into him, rapping his arms around me. WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON?!It was just like my 21 birthday when we all got drunk and jumped on each other. Actually we tried making a cheer pyramid and Zander climbed up on the fence and tried jumping on the top but like the drunken idiot he is half the time he fell on us and I happened to be on the next to bottom row of the pyramid. Jimmy was right below me so I fell on top of him and broke one of his ribs. Unfortunately we had the weight of about fifteen people on top of us so it just got worse. He came out with a broken rib and leg, and I broke my arm in two places. Apparently we started making out but I don’t remember doing that very well. Everyone else did, though. How we could even move under all those bodies is beyond my knowledge.After about a minute of gasping and wheezing I could feel Cristiano’s body lift off mine. Thank God! I was about ready to pass out there! He knelt beside me."Are you hurt?" he asked, looking panicked.I tried moving but couldn’t. I was still gasping for breath. I had the wind knocked out of me and it was taking THIS LONG to gain it back?"Can I move you?" he asked, noticing me struggle. Hell yeah you can move me! Baby, rock me like a hurricane! Please! Just cause I’m paralyzed doesn’t mean I’m not capable of feeling pleasure! You may have almost killed me, but you’re still the sexiest thing alive! I felt his arms around me again, lifting my body up off the ground. I still couldn’t breathe. My eyelids were getting heavy, and I gazed at the stars again. My head was getting light like I was in outer space floating around in those stars I was looking at. Wait. Everywhere I looked, all I could see was stars! Then blue. Then black.Then I was two years back at the bottom of a huge pile of people looking down at my best friend, Jimmy. All of a sudden I was kissing him, like it was nobody’s business, and for the first time I saw the kiss that I missed, the kiss that people were talking about on campus the next day. The kiss I thought never happened.

To Maintain Professionalism: the REMIX

ok, for you loyal followers of my brilliant story about madi and ronaldo, i give you the remix version. see, madi wanted to write her own, so she did. EXCEPT that her story? yeah, its ronaldo's point of view of what happens in MY story! isnt that just PERFECT? seriously, it makes just about the best idea for a book EVER!!! and you know what else? madi and i are going to have it published. oh, don't worry, its not finished yet (far from it actually). ok so whats gonna happen is were gonna what i am puting in this post as is, and madi wrote a whole bunch of stuff that SHE wanted to happen after the morning kiss but see i had already written this AMAZING action/adventure scene but unfortunately i forgot to save it to my computer, and instead i just saved it to my mp3 player which, as you may have read in the "I GOT LAID IN DISNEYLAND" post was stolen by our maid at the hotel. wonderful huh? so i am currently REWRITING what i had already done but this time its more in accordance with what madi added in after what i had written in the morning. so you know how mine ends it with ronaldo saying he'll call her on the telephono? she added a part in from MADDYS point of view where he kisses her so i had to basically change the characters train of thought now that their relationship had changed so much via ronaldo admitting his love for her. so basically, i wrote all the stuff from maddys point of view (except for the tiny thing in the morning) and madi wrote all the stuff from ronaldos point of view. since the thing is so dang long im putting what i rewrote in a different post. NO I THINK EVERYTIME THE CHARACTERS CHANGE POINTS OF VIEW ILL MAKE A NEW POST!!!! genious! if i had a second pair of lips i would kiss myself (not really that would feel too awkward and way out of my comfort zone wich is pretty big if you cosider all the things i say.....................0.0................BUT JUST CAUSE I MAKE SICK JOKES SOMETIMES DOESNT MEAN I SHOULD GO OUT WITH LINCOLN THE WORLDS BIGGEST PERV!!!! madi makes just as many sick jokes as i do and sometimes they are even worse than mine so i could say the same about her! that she should date lincoln, i mean. but i wont because im not that mean) anyway, enjoy. also madi said that ronaldo "sounded too much like a dumbass" in my story seeing as how english is his third or second language or whatever in any case he speaks it perfect and i didnt know that until after i had written it so madi went and changed some of his words around so he sounds less of an eleged "dumbass". weve decided to put my continuing story that takes place after the morning kiss in where it currently lies and then put what madi wrote after the morning kiss at the end and she is still writing and from i heard last now has 28 or 29 pages. were gonna end the book with, well i dont wanna give it away too soon. anyway here it is................this is from ronaldos point of view, just to let you know.

I left the changing room, the tunnel was buzzing with new players that had been benched all season. The young guys, 18, 19, there was even a seventeen-year-old thrown in the mix. For once, I was the elder, the guy everyone looked up too, the one all the fans cheered for, the one… who is THAT? Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a girl, a reporter. I peaked over my teammate to catch a glance at her nametag, Maddy Keller, I’ve heard that name. Oh yeah, she was going to be interviewing me after the game. Right. Man, she was HOT! Her hair cascaded over her shoulders and her cute little brow frowned in concentration as she scribbled away on her writing pad. All of a sudden she glanced up, she looked at me and her eyes met mine. I quickly looked out at the field from the tunnel but it was too late, she had already spotted me. She put her writing pad in her bag and set it down on the cement floor. She walked over too me and I self-concisely straightened my captain’s armband.
"Are you Cristiano Ronaldo?" She asked her voice was like a spell, entwining me in its sweet tone. "Uh, yeah," I said straightening up and pulling my jersey down over my shorts. She glanced at my shoulder. "Captain huh? Impressive. Have you ever played at Quest Field before?" I looked at her. It was her job to ask people questions, but did she really care? Why am I so shy? I asked myself, your known for being the hottest and most romantic footballer after all, why not flaunt it?
"No, I actually have never been to Seattle at all, are you from around here? I hear Seattle girls are good at fashion." Oh yeah, Mr. Smooth, ‘good at fashion’ how lame! She giggled, "I suppose we are quite fashionable!" she said glancing down at her shirt. Man, she got hotter every second! "I’m Maddy Keller, I write articles about soc- er, football in America. I think I have an interview dinner with you after the game." She stuttered, my charm was working! "Well, dinner after the game sound great to me, where should we meet?" I asked. "Uh, I guess we could meet at my house, my friend makes some killer Italian food. How does six sound?"
Uh, dinner interview with the hottest girl I’ve seen on this whole trip? Possibly in my whole life? Count me in! "Six sounds great, I’ll meet you in here at half time, most likely we’ll be ahead." I gave her a wink and ducked under the awning to the field, the crowd erupted with cheers and applause as I stepped out onto the pitch, swinging my arms and shaking my head. I had to clear all thoughts of this evening out of my head so I could concentrate. After playing the National Anthem for the Untied States, the ref tossed the coin to determine kickoff. I called heads. The captain of Seattle Sounders called tails. It was heads, a good sign. I took my position as left forward; we were playing a simple four-four-two formation, not including the goalie. I looked up as my best friend and colleague, Wayne Rooney. I tried to hide my face, he was usually the first one to notice if things (girls) were on my mind.
The ref’s whistle blew and I kicked the ball to Wayne and ran down the left side of the field, a midfielder hot on my tail. I fought him to find an open space, pushing and shoving, I passed the ball back to one of my defenders. "Play it easy guys, don’t rush into it!" I yelled as I kicked the ball. The ball circulated in our half of the field, Seattle Sounders made a few runs on goal, easily stopped by our defense. At the fifth minute, the ref blew his whistle to stop play, I sneaked a glance at the sidelines where Maddy was talking with my manager, Sir Alex Ferguson. She nodded her head every once and a while and she scribbled away in her black spiral notebook. The ref continued play and the ball was given in our favor. The defender kicked the ball to Wayne and he sprinted forward with it. I saw the opportunity and seized it. I sprinted forward, positioning myself between Seattle’s weakest defenders; if Wayne chipped the ball into the middle of the box I could run in and finish it, brilliant. "Wayne!" I yelled running in at my fastest speed, getting from the halfway line to the edge of the box in only a few seconds. Wayne saw what I saw, he chipped the ball and it sailed perfectly past two defenders and right to my feet. I caught it on the volley and shot, the ball sailed perfectly into the corner of the net, there was no way the goalie could have seen that one coming! The crowd cheered as me and Wayne sprinted around the corner of the field, our hearts soaring. The crowd cheered, cameras flashed and my happy, sweaty team mates pilled on me. I caught a glance over at the side lines and I saw Maddy standing with Sir Alex, her face was lit up by the most beautiful smile I had ever seen in my entire life.
At half time, we were ahead, two nil, just as I had told Maddy. As I walked off the field, I grabbed a water bottle from the sidelines. Maddy was waiting for me just inside the tunnel a few feet away from the locker room; she was talking to all of the players, her eyes shining. When she saw me approach she straightened up and her eyes grew wistful, fascinated and intrigued. "How did you enjoy the first half?" I asked her.
"That goal you scored was amazing!" she cried, the excitement had been flung back into her twinkling eyes. "I saw what you were trying to choreograph with Wayne and it was a true work of art!" I fidgeted, Sir Alex would want me in the locker room soon, I was the captain after all. "So dinner, I have no idea where you live." I said, smiling at her. "Oh, yeah, um ok, dinner, so do you want directions or my address or what?" she asked. She looked lost and blinded by love, just what I wanted. "You can just give me your address, I have GPS in my rental car." I, was not a good driver to begin with and driving on the right side of the road was not going to help. "Yeah, OK, there’s sort of a problem though," "What?" I asked, curious.
"I don’t live in Seattle, I live on Bainbridge Island, you have to take the ferry to get there. I have a bunch of car tickets in my wallet; I’ll have to give you a few." She paused, looking thoughtful. "However, I have to stop into the office and give Mel the pictures and by then he would…." Her voice had faded and she was thinking, her brow doing that cute little frown again. "I think we should just meet on the ferry and I can hitch a ride with someone or something."
"I can give you a ride." I offered. Oh great Cristiano, just another chance to show off you amazing driving skills. "You really don’t mind?" she sounded doubtful. "Of course, we can listen to music and you can get a head start on the interview." At that moment, the assistant health official came running out of the locker room door. "Cristiano! We need you in the locker room c’mon!" she looked at me "I thought you were going to change jerseys." Oh yeah, I was and what would be a better time to do that than now? I grasped the thin material between my fingers and pulled that bad boy up and over my head. The cold air hit my skin and I almost wished I had waited until I was in the warm locker room. I looked out of the tunnel and over the field, rain was starting too fall and the wind was picking up. Looks like the weather here is just like Manchester’s, rain, rain and rain. I turned to Maddy, her eyes penetrated mine and she looked like she had just seen a god! "Here," I said handing her the jersey. "Its lucky number seven, it should bring you good luck." I winked at her and then walked into the locker room after the health official, leaving her, mouth wide open, standing in the tunnel, gripping the jersey she would treasure forever.
As the second half progressed, I made a few runs up and down the field, since we switched sides for the second half, I was now running along the line of our bench. Maddy had made herself at home between two of the health officials and was snapping pictures and writing on her notepad. Every once and a while, she would glance up and look around for me. I would then yell some necessary comment to the player with the ball, wink at her on the sidelines and then continue running back and forth up and down the field. Around the 70th minute, the Sounders netted one on a penalty. Sir Alex called me over to the side lines.
"What is wrong with you?" he whispered loudly in my ear as he clapped me on the back. "What do you mean?" I asked. "You have been flirting and shaking it all over the field this whole game. I have no idea who you are trying to pick up here but whatever you do keep you head in the goddamn game!" I knew better than to argue with the manager, he laid down the rules, I followed them, it was that simple.
I jogged back onto the field, feeling a bit sheepish. As I took my position, Wayne ran up to me. "The manager isn’t the only one who thinks your being cheeky!" he said, grinning at me. "So it’s working huh?"
"What?"
"I look like a total flirt?"
Wayne looked at me, his eyes wide in surprise. "Who are you trying to pick up?" he asked "HEY!" a scream erupted from one of our defenders, the ball rolled towards me and I kicked it to Wayne. I watched as the ‘Rooney’ printed on the back of his shirt bobbed down the field. He lost the ball and there was a corner in our favor. We missed it. The loudspeaker announced that there would be three minutes of added time. I rolled my eyes, the last thing I felt like doing was running around a filed looking important when it was perfectly clear we were going to win. I jogged up and down the line once again and waited for the ball to roll to my feet. As our defender progressed forward I ran back down the line, man, that kid could run! He would not stop either, he had made it to the edge of the box, I ran forward between two Sounders defenders, hoping he would look up and see me. He did. He kicked the ball right too me and I nailed it hard with the inside of my foot. It flew past the goalie and into the top left corner of the goal. The crowd erupted with cheers again as the ref’s whistle blew, signaling the end of the game. Everyone cheered and screamed as me and my happy, sweaty teammates piled onto each other again. Hugging and yelling with glee. Sir Alex signaled for us to shake hands, trade jerseys and get off the field. So we did. I congratulated the wide-eyed players on a game well played and traded my jersey for the Sounders’ captain’s jersey and then headed for the locker room.
The locker room was madness, for most of the young players it had been their first game in front of a full stadium. They excitedly talked about the game highlights and who was going where after the game. "Cristiano, you want to go to the bar across the street? All of the Sounders player recommended it!" I looked over at the excited group. "No, I have other plans." I said, shaking my head. "What else do you intend to do on your last night in town?"
I thought. Should I tell them I have a dinner interview? A date? They all know about my girlfriend, she was amazing, a model, smart and really beautiful. Would they believe me? "Uh, well this reporter I met here told me that Bainbridge Island has some uh, good restaurants. So I was going to go check them out." The whole locker room went quiet. Most of these guys have known me since I came to Manchester Untied. They all know me pretty well. Out of all of the staff on the whole team, Wayne, Sir Alex and the two health officials know me best. I looked over at them, their mouths were open and there eyes were wide. You could say I’m the kind of guy that likes a party, anywhere.
"Besides, half of you guys can’t drink anyway so I figured I would just do my own thing so you guys don’t have to worry." Oh yeah, like they worry about me. "Well," one of our new defenders started, "How about we all just go to this Baimbidge Island place and see if this reported knows what he’s talking about huh?" cheers of agreement echoed off the cement walls of the dressing room. This was bad. "Well, I wouldn’t want to wreck your guy’s last day here, don’t worry about me."
I bent down to cut the athletic tape off my ankle and threw my shorts in my bag. I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and headed for the door, "See you guys!" I called and I walked out into the hallway. As I neared the back exit I heard voices, turning a corner, I spotted Maddy talking with one of our assistant coaches, Steve. She looked up as I approached and smiled at me. Steve turned around and grinned as he saw me coming. "Good game Cristiano!" he said. "That goal in the last minute, amazing! I’m sure you and Miss Keller here will have quite a bit to discuss in your interview!" he clapped me on the back, winked at Maddy and walked away. "So," she said "You want to head to the ferry?" I looked around to see if there was anyone watching. "Sure," I said "I parked my rental down the block." We headed out the door and walked down the streets. The rain had stopped but the clouds still covered the sun. It would be setting soon anyway.
I love traveling to foreign cities, especially American ones, the paparazzi and fans usually leave me alone. As we reached the rental I dug the car keys out of my pocket and unlocked the doors. Maddy climbed into the front seat as I threw my game bag in the trunk. I walked out onto the road and hopped into the driver’s seat. As we drove along the streets, I was intrigued with the new sights and sounds. "When you get to the viaduct, turn right." Maddy muttered. What did she say? "What?" I asked "When you get to the overpass, take a right at the stoplight." She said again. We neared the overpass and I took a right. Maddy started digging around in her purse for something, she retrieved two slips of paper. "Here." She said, handing them to me. "The orange one is the car and the green is passenger, just hand them to the person at the tollbooth." We pulled up to the tollbooth and I rolled down my window. The lady at the ticket window extended her hand and took the tickets. "One off of each please!" Maddy said from the passenger seat. "Okay honey. Hey, you kids go to the soccer game?" she asked. I looked down at my shirt and realized I was wearing my training jacket with the Manchester United patch clearly visible. "Uh, yeah, we did." I said, smiling. "A visiting team too!" Maddy chirped from the seat next to me. "Huh, I was never big on soccer but a visiting team, how exciting. My son loves European soccer, he watches Spanish league with his dad on the weekends." The cash register whirred as it printed the receipt. "Here you go, you kids have a nice ride." She said. We thanked her and drove around into the next empty ferry lane.
"So," Maddy said. "That was a close one huh? I was sure she recognized you!" I had been thinking the same thing. Don’t they say true soul mate share each others thoughts? "Yeah, especially with my training jacket on!" I said.
"Well, the ferry ride is about thirty minutes so if you want a book or something there’s a newsstand upstairs. They sell everything, you have like, ten minutes anyway." I thought about it, there were chances that someone might spot me. I decided not to take the chance and sat back, I had a ‘World Soccer’ magazine in my training bag anyway. "I think I’ll go change. I have some extra clothes in my duffel anyway." "When are you leaving Seattle?" Maddy asked, looking at me. "Tomorrow morning. I have an early flight."
"Ok, you can go do whatever, I don’t mind." Was that disappointment in her voice? Was she sad that I was leaving as soon as tomorrow? I didn’t feel like thinking about it, instead I opened my car door and popped the trunk. "I’ll be right back." I said.
I grabbed my duffel from the trunk and pulled out black dress pants and my favorite sports jacket. "Cristiano." Maddy called from the passenger seat. "The bathroom in the terminal is cleaner than the one in McDonalds."
The ferry was very enjoyable. I sat in the car while Maddy ran upstairs to buy us tea. As we sat in the car, me reading my World Soccer and Maddy reviewing her interview notes, I thought of a good way to start a conversation. Maddy was tense, her brow wrinkled in that cute way as she clicked away on her laptop. "How big is Bainbridge?" I asked. At the time I was just trying to bring up a topic of conversation but as we got into it I got more and more interested. "Its twenty miles long, five miles wide or something like that." Maddy replied, looking up from her computer screen. "We have a really strong soccer academy. The manager of the whole thing is my neighbor."
"Wow, cool, do you play?" I realized I actually had no idea weather or not this girl actually played soccer. With the amazing knowledge she has of it, I just assumed she played regularly. "I used too. I got injured and now I just play pick-up at Battle Point Park." She started to unbutton her shirt; I had no idea what she was doing. I watched her, wide-eyed as she pulled the fabric aside. She had a large bruise on her chest, below her shoulder and above her armpit. I could see the lace of her bra, it was sexy. I decided to make a move. "Where did you get that?" I asked looking at her bra but pretending to look at her shoulder. "I got elbowed by my friend. We were wrestling." "You wrestle?" I asked, surprised that a slightly petite girl could stand a chance against anyone bigger than her. "Yeah, um, I wrestled all through high school with my guyfriends, we went to state finals in my senior year." I was impressed. I always thought female wrestling was a turnoff, but all of a sudden it was the hottest thing I could think of (who needs a wet-shirt contest?) she started buttoning her shirt again and I looked out the window at the water, we were nearing a point with a U.S. flag waving from it. We passed a dock with a pirate flag and one with a slide before the lady come on the loudspeaker to inform us that we have arrived at our destination. I have heard that in at least ten different languages. I started the engine to the car and we drove off the ferry. Maddy gave me directions to her house. It had stopped raining and the clouds had cleared, it was a perfect summer evening and the stars were out. I opened the convertible roof as we sat at a red light and flicked on my ipod. Romantic music was all I listened too. I saw Maddy smile out of the corner of my eye as we progressed further down the road.
Maddy’s directions led me to a long, wooded drive. The gravel crunched under the tires as we drove further into the woods. We pulled up to a large iron gate. There were steel horses running across the iron bars. Maddy un-strapped her safety belt and opened the car door. She walked over to the gate, undid the latch and swung it open. It creaked as it opened and she hopped back in the car. As we drove up to her house, I was in awe. You could see the beach beyond a huge green lawn and a well tended too garden. The house was Italian stone, beautifully crafted. The entrance was a stone archway and then two large wood doors. In front there was a fountain, a small garden and a garage. On the other side of the garage, I heard barking. "I hope you don’t mind dogs." Maddy said as we drove up to the house. I turned off the engine and opened my door. "This place it beautiful." I said. I blinked to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. I went from suburbia to this huge Italian mansion right on the beach!
"Come on in." Maddy called, waving me to the front door. As she neared it, the door flew open and a nicely dressed man stepped out. "Hi Chives!" Maddy cried, giving the old man a hug. "Cristiano, this is my friend and butler, Chives. He has worked for my family for as long as I can remember."
"Since she was a little girl." Chives said, smiling. I smiled back. No wonder Maddy was such a cool person. Even her butler was nice! They both beckoned me inside. I stepped through the threshold of the big wood doors and could not believe my eyes. The floor was marble, a huge staircase extended up both walls of the entry. Straight ahead there was a small parlor that overlooked the ocean. As we walked down the hall, an amazing smell wafted from the kitchen. Italian sauces and bread and spices filled my nose, it was hypnotizing. "Do you want to go to the dining room?" Maddy asked. I looked over at her; she was fiddling with her shirt button. "Yes. We can start on the interview."