my run in with death

so everything pretty much went downhill from there. my great aunt died, and the next weekend her husband died. weird huh? the weekend after the weekend that depression hit was the scariest night of my life. here is an email i wrote to everybody after it happened:


ok so tonight was basically the scariest night of my life. i almost DIED you guys. seriously. read the chat-it explains it all. OH OH OH BUUUUUUUUUUUT i must warn you theres some pretty harsh language-mind you, im fearing for my life this whole time, so if you are sensitive to the f, s, or a word, then you probably might get your eyes burnt out. although i probably used the words a lot less than i would have it i was actually talking.......you guys its been like an hour and im still shaking really bad. at least im not crying anymore. thats good. my daring run in with death is at the bottom. graham kinda disappeared while i was outside for the second time.

me: the second i get my hands on some AA batteries im sticking them in my camera and taking pictures the stain SO I CAN SHOW EVERYBODY and they can all start crying stuff EEEEEEKKK IM SCARED IM SCARED IM SCARED SCARY NOISES SCARY NOISES OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM WINDOW NOW AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!! CALL 911!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:36 PM DO SOMETHING DO SOMETHING IM WIGGING OUT OVER HERE!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH THE OBESE PURPLE CAMBODIAN BUNNIES ARE AFTER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:37 PM Graham: Wtf
LOL
me: lolololol not really haha inside joke BUT SERIOUSLY WHERE THE F DID YOU GO THERES SCARY NOISES OUTSIDE OF THE BATHROOM WINDOW FROM WHICH A BLOODSTAIN FLOWS AND IM GONNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe
oh
hi,
8:38 PM i need a flare gun
so i can fire it and then it will hit an airplane the airplane will fall from the sky and land on whatever the hell is making the SCARY NOISE OUTSIDE MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!
21 minutes
9:00 PM Graham: SO how's it going over there?
me: i think i killed it
with my tenis racjet
*racket
Graham: Ooh
Was it bloody?
9:01 PM me: mother fucker its cold outside
idk
bit ok
so ehres what happened
se
e
i am freaking out
and halle is yelling at me to take action
so iu get my tenis racjet
fuck
not again
RACKET
there
and i go outside
Graham: right
me: and its freezing cold
9:02 PM and im in nothing but a tank top and boxers here miond you so im freezing my ass off
and i tiptoe through the cold wet grass covered with mud and leaves
and i walk around to the back of the rhouse
and then i walk up the steps of the deck
9:03 PM that are covered in sticker bushes and sting nedals
and the deck is also falling apart
Graham: Ow
me: so i got a whole bunch of welts and cuts all over not to mention splinters
and i walk all the way
along the side of the house
towards my tiny bathroom window
9:04 PM and i can still hear that godaweful noise
coming from just below it
Graham: Wait, why are you doing all this? ARe you following it?
me: following it?
no
it never moved
Graham: Ah
9:05 PM Finding it
me: remember i was inside my bathroom and heard the scary noises coming from outside the window
anyway
Graham: Ah ok!
me: so i have my tenis racket in my hands
out in front of me
and im home alone too
just to let you know
Graham: Mm
Not good
me: so its not liek i could have my dad do all this for me or anything
so anyway
9:06 PM my bathroom window is just beyond where the railing stops
on our deck
so i can still hear it
wheezing
and screeching
and pounding itself
against the side of the house
and i lean over the rainling and
now i dont know if you want to hear this next part its kind if nasty
9:07 PM Graham: Sure, go ahead
me: well
its also embarrassing
but whatever
so i pee my pants
just a little
im so dehydrated
lol
anyway
so its so dark out
that i cant se anything
but thi9s BIG SHADOW
moving away
9:08 PM to the ight
like
away from the house
along the raling of the deck
Graham: :-o
me: and i lean over
and see the sticker bushes moving and reach down
and with all my might i start bashing the hell out of whatever it is with my tenis racket
and im crying my eyes out
cause im so scared
Graham: Mmm
9:09 PM me: and im screaming
for my life
and then all of a sudden im hitting air because theres
nothing there
anymore
so i dont know
if it fell on its side because i killed whatever it was
but i think it probably go away
either way
9:10 PM the second i got inside
i changed my undies and put some pj bottoms on
and im still shaking like crazy
my right leg
is involuntarily shaking
Graham: How long have you been inside?
9:11 PM me: liek i cant make it stop
for about
ummm
a little over ten minutes
im afraid to go back outside
9:12 PM for the rest of my life
the blood is still on the wall
though i have no idea how it got there
oh
and did i mention
the hair
on my tenis racket?
9:13 PM gray
and brown
hairs
long
hairs
about the length of the distance from your thumb toyour pinky
finger
i am so nervous
and alone
9:14 PM scared
frightened
alone
theres some animal
outside
idk if its dead or alive either way i know something is GOINT JUGOJRIEOPY
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
SO SCARy
NOISE
BACK AGAIN
BANGING
OUTSIDE
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH GRAHAM GRAHAM GRAHAM
HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Graham: Mm?
That'd be hard
9:15 PM Find it, and hit it over and over again
me: heheh
Graham: How's that?
me: OK OK UM WHAT IF I GETS ME
Graham: Or maybe try ti seduce it
*to
me: seduce it?
Graham: Yes
Sexually
me: how
?
i dont know its mating call!
Graham: Eh
Try something
me: what if its BIGFOOT
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK
BIGFOOT IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!!!11
9:16 PM yeep
Graham: I'm just saying, what if he's horny?
me: more screeching
Graham: It's a shot
Jk
me: hahahaha
i mlaughing now
but
Graham: Don't do that, you'd probably die
Haha
me: laughing myself to tears
wait
AAAAAH NOW IM CRYING AGAIN
9:17 PM Graham: Sorry
me: AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK AAAAAAAAH ITS GONNA SMASH RIGHT THROUGH THE WALL
I SWEAR IT
its wheezing and screeching
it wont stop
and it wont stop pounding either
WHAT DOES IT WANT FROM ME!!!!!!!
9:18 PM IT MUST KNOW IM ALL Out OF CONDOMS
GOD
ok
Graham: I'm thinking sex, but maybe that...
Of
Oh
That's just me
Sorry
Don't give in!
Stand up1
!
me: lol
stand up?
its RIGHT OUTSIDE THE COMPUTER ROOM
NOW
9:19 PM AND THE COMPUITER ROOM WINDOW IS SO BIG WE HAVE A BEDSHEET FOR A CURTAIN
Graham: Easy to break?
9:20 PM me: ummmmmmmyeah
probably
but
its too high
up
i think
because
its liek eight feet
off the ground
Graham: Well if it's Bigfoot...
me: and the pounding
9:21 PM is down lower
like a foot below the window
i know i klnow
what should i do graham what do i do
!!!!!!!!!!!1
AAAAAAAAAAAAH
Graham: Go get some icecream
And eat it
9:22 PM Or throw it at it if you must
me: ITS SCREECHING AND WHEEZING IS GETTING FUCKING LOUDER NOW
Graham: ^
me: yeah
i dont have any
icecream
i wish i did
right now
9:23 PM ok
im going back
outside
im probably going to die
Graham: Good luck, see you later(hopefully)!
9:25 PM me: ok
i got my coat
and my dads ski boots
9:26 PM and now
oh shit
i have nothing to defend my self
AAAAAAH
i could use the computer
it was a worthless piece of shit anyway
Graham: hmm
me: ok
9:27 PM i have mine and my dads tenis rackets nopw
*now
and im shaking like hell
i have to pee
really bad now
AAAAAAAH
ITS GETTING LOUDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9:29 PM ok
here i go.............

but when i came in he like wasnt there anymore and stuff. which sucked. anyway so heres what happened:
i stepped out the door, walked down the tiny muddy grassy path around the side of my house, but before i rounded the corner to see what was pounding/screeching/wheezing, i heard cayotes yelping in the distance, and remembered the pack of cayotes that live in our woods. and you guys know how cayotes are my # 1 BIGGEST FEAR (next to earwigs)???? so try to imagine how im holding up through all of this:
i am standing back against my house in my dads ski boots and my huge snow coat holding a tenis racket in each hand, no light whatsoever (the moon was hidden behind the trees) except for the tiny gleam from behind the blinds of our windows which is basically nothing. no cars in the driveway. nobody around but me. and around the corner like twenty feet away is this.......god i dont know what it is at the time screeching and wheezing and pounding itself against the side of my house, and now my biggest fear is off in the distance making the second scariest noise in the world (the screeching and wheezing is by far the first)????? IM PRACTICALLY DYING!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have never wanted to scream more in my whole LIFE. and as i slowly stuck my head around the corner of my house thats exactly what i did. i screamed for my god forsaken life. louder than you could ever imagine. louder and with more passon and fear, i swear to you, than you have ever heard anyone scream in your whole life. i didnt open my eyes to see it. i didnt want to see it. but i as the pounding stopped i knew i had to. all noises stopped after i quit screaming. i opened my eyes. i could see, once again, only a big dark shadow moving in the very near distance, although i couldnt tell if it was moving towards me or away from me. it looked like it was getting bigger so i guessed it was coming at me and i whip around and run for my life up the hill (even though im like ten feet from the door to my house) and i start running around liek a lunatic freakinjg out and screaming my ass off and panting and slashing at the air around me with the tenis rackets and all of a sudden, as i am running down the side of the hill towards my front door, there it is, twenty feet away from the door. i zoom so fast to the door its not even funny. i still couldnt see what it was but i think it was a bear or something. idk it probably wasnt that big. about the size of like maybe a little bit smaller than a dear but like twice as fat and hairy and screams and wheezes likes throwing itself agains houses. i dont know. anyway. i get to my door and try to turn the knob but the mother loving door is freaking LOCKED. thats right ladies and gentlemen. i locked myself out of my own house. BUT i remembered the spare key-unfortunately that THING was getting closer i threw my dads tenis racket at it and that held off for like ten seconds while i dove for the fake bunny rabbit amid the weeds growing against the side of our house. it got closer. and then out of the corner of my eye i see it. not the thing, that i knew was already there. no i see the cayote. its farther away than the thing trying to kill me, but it was there. just standing there. the thing stopped moving. i fiddled with the face rabbit and got the key out from under it and then threw the rabbit at the thing standing about five feet tall. i still didnt look at it. so to the left of me is the cayote standing there watching me do all this-NOT TRYING TO ATTACK ME WHICH IS WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO DO RIGHT? and to the right of me is this big fat black thing standing in the muddy walkway from the driveway to the door. i still never even glanced in its direction, but i knew it was there. i could hear it breathing. heavily. i was breathing pretty damn heavily myself. but still, i was the only one out of the three of us who moved a muscle. and finally the cayote charged down the hill toward the door, ran past the door in the direction of the thing and thats when i gave it all one last glance but the thing was gone and the cayote was rounding the corner of my house following the path i had taken and thats when i slammed the door shut behind me, fell back against the door and slid down. i had already started crying when i was slashing at the air with my tenis racket on the hill. so now i was just hysteric. tears gushing down both sides of my face, my cheeks wet and burning, my eyes stinging from al lthe crying, and im still trying to catch my breath again after screaming and running for my life. i know i sound like im crazy or just needing to tell a story or something but im NOT. this is true. so i try to stand up but my legs are really shaky and wobbly and i put both my arms out to steady myself, the hallway walls are close enough to gether that i could put a hand on both sides. i make it into the kitchen and take about ten minutes to put together a cup of "yogi" green tea. this would normally take less than five but you must remember that im crying my eyes out and my hands are shaking so bad that i can barely control them. i sit myselft down on the chaise lounge in the livingroom and about five minutes later i go back into the computer room. the computer room is quite close to the door like maybe three feet away. the phone rang and it was a telemarketer and i picked up and thankfully this guy had an american accent so i explained my position to him-i told him EVERYTHING that had happened. and he stayed on the line and listened to me! i asked him what to do and he told me that i need to keep in constant contact with someone at all times,so i should call someone, IM someone, invite someone over, go over somebody elses house, do something to make sure that at least somebody knows where i am if as he put it "the worst should happen". i thanked him and said goodbye. graham was online but he wasnt really THERE. and then he went offline. so i had no contacts whatsoever. all of a sudden theres a knocking the door. this shook me so bad that my hand hit the cub of tea and and fell halfway over before i thankfully caught it. i only lost about half my cup of tea-well what was left of it after i had violently sipped away. i was so scared. another knock and i heaved myself out of the leather computer chair and edged my way toward the door. "who is it!" i hollered
"its Kathy Jones! from next door!" what the hell would anyone, let alone my neighbor, be doing at my door at ten o click at night? i opened the door and she looked at me like i was death itself. i dont blame her, i mean, i must have looked like a zombie, scared out of my wits, my eyes red with tears.
"Um, hi. cna i help you?" she probably wanted to complain about the noise. kathy was this chick who looked like she was probably in her fourties or something, about my moms age. short brown hair, VERY skinny. like blade thin. even in her thick whool coat she looked skinny as hell.
"yes, uh, i wanted to know if you had seen my dog, ollie" or something liek that i think thats what she said his name was. "i thoght i heard him. his bark is very um unique?" oh. my. god. i almost fell into her arms right there and cried my eyes out. but i didnt. i just sort of stared at her. "and i also heard a lot of screaming. and i thought it came from this house, i wasnt quite sure. i was just checking. because well your lights are on and um...listen. are you ok?"
this was so sweet of her. this really pretty lady that i had never met before was standing on my doorstep asking me if i was ok! i could have started laughing but i didnt want to seem like a freak to her. she was after a stranger and neighbor and i didnt want to make a bad impression her. although i dont think the tears and the death-white face helped at all.
"uh, yeah. im fine. its just this sad movie i was watching." the tv was off in the living room. and she noticed. she looked at me questioningly.
"are you sure? because-"
"um actually no, see i am just having a really bad night because my great aunt ellen died on friday and we were really close...but anyway. i saw your dog i think. what does it look like?" the aunt thing was the truth. she did die on friday. friday NIGHT to be exact. but we werent really close. still, i was like the only person who ever understood her.
"he has brownish red fur, some gold, some grey, pretty big sized. hes a saitn bernard crossbread. maybe youve heard his bark?" did i ever. the bark that ranks the NUMBER ONE SCARIEST SOUND ON THE EARTH to be exact yes ive heard many times tonight infact.
"actualy, i think i did hear him. does his bark sound like wheezing?"
"YES! OH YES YOU DID HEAR HIM! we just moved in and hes not used to-oh my gosh there he is!" the dog gave wheezy screech as it stepped onto the front porch. the porchlight was on and i could see him very clearly. he wasnt at all the menising creature he seemed to be as i was whacking the shit out of him with my tenis racket! i felt really bad about that but decided not to tell her. he didnt seem injured in anyway. "im really sorry about this. he got away as we wer ebringing him in for the night. thank you so much and im so sorry about all of this. hope you feel better!" she pulled a leash out of her pocket and hooked it onto the dogs collar. the two of them dashed away and as i shut the door i laughed. very hard. because i was an idiot.
BUT HEY! the blood stain is still there you know, thats still a mystery i have yet to solve! haha no freaking WAY IN HELL am i going to sleep tonight love you all kiss kiss BUBYE!!!!!!!!

the death of a musical hero

so the sunday night RIGHT before my birthday (on monday) my dad and i were watching the news, for some reason, and suddenly my whole life was turned upside down. the lady started talking about the tuba man. and i was like "OMQ I LOOOOVE THE TUBA MAN HE IS SOOO COOL ISNT HE DAD??? HES SO AWESOME!!!! WE NEED TO SEE HIM AGAIN!!!!"
because see, i met the guy. i knew him.
we were coming out of the baseball stadium the night after school got out. we had seen the mariners vs. the marlins, and we lost to the marlins 9-3. ichiro didnt hit a SINGLE ball. and i mean, much as i hate baseball, i know some of who is who and a little of what is what. and as we were walking around catching some air (we had suite seats given to us for free by moms work) the tuba man was there, playing his tuba. i had seen the guy once before a looong time ago when my dad walked all the way to my moms work from the ferry one day but i didnt know who he was. over time i had heard about this guy. he sat outside the football and baseball stadiums (quest and safeco field) and he played his tuba all day long. he took requests; he knew basically EVERY song. he was such a smart guy. he was in his 50's of 60's i believe. he wasnt homeless, he had an appartment. but still, people gave him money, so he took it. and i mean, how cool is this guy that he PLAYS HIS TUBA ALL DAY LONG????? i mean seriously that is a GREAT WAY TO LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!!! the lived and breathed to play the tuba, and i live and breathe and to play the trombone (among other things). so you see, i could relate to the guy. ever since i had heard about the tuba man i had wanted to meet him. and finally i got the chance to. as usual there was a small crowd of people around him and i watched as the shouted out suggestions. somebody suggested "8 days a week" by the beatles and he played it. and he was good. it was a great feeling, to watch my role model in action. all i wanted was to actually meet him. and i sort of got to. i stayed there longer than the other people and suggested the simpsons theme song and he played it. i suggested the simpsons because it was one of the songs we played at our last band concert. and he played it almost like we did. we didnt have a tuba last year so i had no idea how the song sounded on tuba and i wanted to know. and i got to hear it. and it was so cool. so when he finished it i introduced myself. "hi, im lainey! im your biggest fan! you are totally awesome. i play trombone in our school band and i think its just about the funnest thing in the world!"
"Oh really? well its nice to meet you, lainey."
it looked like he was going to say something more but he got cut off by this little boy who tapped him on the shoulder and asked him if he could play happy birthday because it was his birthday. oh i didnt mind. i thought it was really cute. and the little boy was so adorable. then my dad dragged me out of there so we could get to the car. the game had went past 10:00pm and it was easily close to 10:45 now.
so there i sat so eager to hear about the tuba man.
but what i heard that night was just about the worst thing ever.
the tuba man, the always-happy-guy that i looked up to, my role model, guy who lived to play his tuba and bring joy to people, had been beaten to death by three teenagers. i didnt even listen to the rest of what they were saying. i just sort of sat there on the couch, staring at the tv screen, watching, but not really listening. i watched people lay flowers on his coffin. i watched a lot of people gather around his coffin and put flowers on it. a huge tenis ball became lodged in my throat and before i could stop myself i was crying. just one tear rolled down the side of my face. and i got up and left the room. in the safe confinds of my bedroom with the radio on full blast, out of earshot of the rest of the house, i collapsed on my bed and wept into my pillow. it soaked up my tears like a sponge. i cried harder than i had the night before. i cried harder than i had in a while. he was dead. the tuba man was dead. gone. and it killed me.